Show a TImC2t2 D DWI Quite Essential Young Roxley Is learning to bo a machinist Ah very commendable wants to have a trade so that if anything happens hap-pens to his fortune he can Nonsense No he simply wants to be able to keep his automobile gong go-ng It Wont Happen Again Governor at the consuls partyI remember your face perfectly sir but your name for the moment has escaped es-caped my memory StrangerI am delighted to meet you again your excellency My name Is Ivan Petrovich Swercczsklskl Incipient My mustache Is beginning to be noticeable at lawst said the callow youth Yes replied Pepprey It reminds mo of the defeated pugilist I saw at that prize fight last night Aw how was that Down and out Not That Kind of a Place All my threats didnt bother him at all said the collector No replied the merchant said we could go as far as we liked eh WeUer1 think the pace ho mentioned was farther than youd like M I RIGHT AT HOME V 1 a t i v 1 r t c TT d nmL Elizabeth whose best young man had been invited to dlnnorDo you think his intentions are serious mamma Mother should say GO Why he eats as if he already belonged to the family Career Projected So they wont let you say anything any-thing In congress said Farmer Corn teasel No answered the youthful statesman states-man Well you jes stand pat One o these days when they come around and want you to talk dont you say a word Then youll get the reputation of beta a sphinx which Is one of tho most valuable things a man In politics poli-tics can have As to the Tramps Yes said Shippln Its awfully dull In the shipping business nothing at all to do Its particularly hard on the tramp steamers Why exclaimed Jolkly I should think tramp steamers would be delighted de-lighted when theres nothing to do Philadelphia Press Explanatory Did you read about the girl who shot a burglar The fellow the police said bled like a horse Yes I have a theory about that Spring it She shot a nightmare Philadelphia Philadel-phia Ledger Decided No said Samson after ho had brought down the house by his last shakedown I will never give another encore to this audiencethats fiat He was right it was so very fiat that not even the Janitors fragments could be recognized In the general debris Rebuke or Encouragement He kissed her on the forehead The proud beauty drew herself up to her full height And then He couldnt reach any higher than her lips of course Louisville Cour ler Journal Ameliorating Circumstances First hoboI sawed wood onct Second hoboAnd you one of the profesh 0 Clarence how could you First hoboI got out of an old log Jail Second hoboForgive me Clarence fer mlsjudgln you Terre Haute Star It Depends Dont you think this 2centsamIlo legislation for railroads Is rather strong Oh I dont know Automobiles have one scent for all the miles they travel and thats stronger than any law can make it Her Symptoms Mrs JawbackThe doctor thinks you have gout and nervous prostration prostra-tion Mr Jawback Why tho doctor hasnt seen me Mrs Jawback No but he saw me Should Be Consistent I really believe said her Jealous fiance that you permit other men to llss you Surely you dont object replied the pretty girl You always declared you were opposed to monopolies Another Family Row Started Young wife Ive taken very great pains over these biscuits dear and The benedict And now I suppose you want to see If theyll have the IODI effect upon me Stray Stories Bothered by the Lawyers WidowIf John had only made a will there wouldnt he all this difficulty diffi-culty about the property VisitorDo the lawyers bother you Widow Bother me They almost worry me to death I declare I sometimes some-times almost wish that John hadnt died TitBits Good Job TunerYour daughter told me to call and fix her piano PaterWell what ails IU TunerThree strings busted Pater WhatIl you take to break tho rest of em Ach Loulel Dont you adore German No Language too decollete Too what Those gutturals too low In the neckCleveland Leader Should Have Been a Year In my now play thirty days elapse between the third and last acts You hot off easy Cleveland Leader VV In Russia Your excellency we have executed every revolutionist In tho province Well But the revolution still goesvon Then we must resort to more dras tic measures Philadelphia Bulletin Both Entitled to the Name CustomerHave you any extract of beefWalter Walter Yes sir Brown or white Customer Brown or white Walter Yes sir Beef tea or milk Wanted to Have it HaMl Hand Hasdl Do LushNow look here il I you dont want to go right U i that saloon again Surely hod thirsty so soon McSosh No I aint thlrstjJ ol boybut say tim salooD11 place to bo In 1 case do set hI Alntirl u Conveying an Impresilcl Why do you persist In you to talk on public questions a Because answered SeaajJ hum at the present time lay surest way to convey an mn that you could say somethb n tant If you choose Wuy Star t How It Looked No dear I must refrain I ing you until you return from ceptlon But why Well the last kiss I gave yt you put on your makeup looker 1 wet oasis in a desert of chalk A Uniform Deficiency Yes the general of the Vend army Is going to meet tho FrenJ mander and arrange the deUllif armistice Well what causes the delay The general had to borrcij of shoes and a calico shirt nOn n-On the Ocean Blue When that storm was hlolh terday said the vivacious i Just threw up my hands In t Well returned her escort something got the matter r too but I didnt er erll throw up my hands Awful to Contemplate Weary Walker Wot yerj so worried about Rngsey Ragson TattersI just read In tie paper dls mornin when entitle gent said Doln notllil time is de hardest kind o woif Suppose dats true Had To When we first got marrle D land l-and I quarreled for a year f whether we should buy an and or a horse and buggy How did you settle It We compromised on a hrf rlage A Helpful Wife Benham A man told net mind my own business Mrs Benham Wliat rely fl make BenhamI told him It wail sarythat you looked out rl f J It Probably Was I heard a very loud noise k hall early this morning The very loud a very suspicion What was It I guess It was the day It my dear The Real Shock Dont you think the people erl are very much shocked HJ revelations of big profits In P Shocked Of course ther that they didnt get In on the floor first Ualtlrnoro AIDer ° I Dangerous Devotion Bllgglna wife thinks be greatest man In tho world Yes Thats very pig Is lp l I proper Tho onlv trouble Is getting Bl t ti think so |