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Show worn SFHLQS ygRY SYMPATHETIC. A Difficulty. This oratory, all well mount, Oft leave us In a plight, A man I Just as eloquent When wrung a when he's riant. Washington Btar. gentleman of some of Voualntances, who were contln-- . pestering him about his Goaded to desperation BILLYS LITTLE LOVE AFFAIRS. he one day Invited taunts, jielr When a dinner. to detractors were pads their appearance they at the magnificence astonished IP were je treat provided. Apologies Individual the and miserly jered, .jdy complimented as well. said the host, 0ff, gentlemen, their compll-its- , a acknowledging you have put my liberality to st, I am going to try your generos-- I know a poor man who Is very h la need of financial help through and I pro-- , ward circumstances, to raise a subscription on his the list jf. See, I commence Will you help? j ten shillings. everyone ' subbjedless to say, ed liberally, as no one cared to than the bought more close-fiste;vho, when he had collected all money, coolly said: thank you, gentlemen, for your ;,atby, and now I think we are You have paid both for your Flo with stranger) Your and your dinner. It was I who teacher(chatting is a charming young lady. I jred the money. suppose you love her very much? Billy Steady, steady! Dyou think What Callers Are For. Im going to tell you all about my love Sow, Hannah, Just look at these affairs? i! There must be an inch of r on them. Vindicated. Tell, maam, you know yourself The trapeze performer had refused haven't bad a caller for nearly to give up the leap for life, though he ieek. Judge. had been warned again and again that he would some day fall to catch the A PUZZLE. swinging bar. At last It happened as they had predicted, and he plunged downward head-firs- t before the crowd. After it had been found that he had suffered nothing more serious than a scalp wound, his wife angrily exclaimed: I've always said you were the most headstrong person I ever saw." ' Chicago Record-Herald- . titber parsimonious got the better nig-illne- s. d I panic-stricke- Mistaken Identity. Mrs. Mornlngsyde (showing Central Park to Mrs. Struckoyle, of Oh, Pittsburg). That monument? thats Cleopatra's Needle. It came from Egypt, you know, and Is literally covered with hieroglyphics. Mrs. Struckoyle. Goodness gracious! And hasnt the board of health ever tried to exterminate them? Puck. THE 8TOLEN Veil, EVEN TO THE THIRD AND FOURTH GENERATION IN THE ARMY AND NAVY. Nearly all the people of the army and navy have history back of them. Their own sons are representatives of their distinguished sires passing through adolescence to the same rank and equal or higher honors. Sometimes, In fact most times, they miss It But enough of them attain rank and place to hold their families in distinctive position, and we have presented to our social life two phases of persistently recruited aristocracy the army and the navy. It Is quite reasonable that admirals should beget captains and that generals should be the stem upon which colonels and majors grow; but In our American service they bud perennially. Not Infrequently they give new luster to the family tree, more often they do not, and like limbs of a great oak whose stofck Is established, they are only branches whose source of existence is the splendid trunk that holds them up. The civil war broke up many lines that had been previously maintained, among them the Perrys, who gave two distinguished admirals, from Rhode Island Oliver Hazard Perry and his William C.- - Perry, who brother, carried our flag with honor to Japan. Each had sons who followed their distinguished sires Into the navy. But the family drifted into Georgia and the civil war broke up the line, only to be renewed again at a later period when two more of that name appear again on the navy lUtr-ThoPerry, a captain, and another descendant, Newman K. Perry, a junior lieutenant with more assured rights as a descendant of Oliver Hazard Perry, of Lake Erie. Historic Lee Family. The Lees, of Virginia, were even and John C. Fremont, Jr., Is an ensign in the navy. Probably the direct line In the army and navy has been more faithfully maintained in the latter branch by the family of Selfrldge than any other. The first Selfrldge, Thomas Olive, was a master when that rank had peculiar duties aboard ship. Our navy In Its early days was a reproduction of the English service and the office of a master was taken over with other ranks. The master stored cargo, saw to the water supplies, checked the requisitions In the several departments of the boatswain, gunner, carpenter, and sailmuker. He was a and not In the line of promotion to flag rank; hut he was ths real sallorman when the crews of r were fighting men rather than seamen. Back to Colonial Days. The first Selfrldge served with the Barry In Colonial times. His son, also Thomas O. Selfrldge, entered the navy In 1793 and became a commodore In The com1843, serving until 1863. modore's son, also Thomas Oliver Selfrldge, entered the service In 1832 and lived till within a few years, dying a rear admiral. Ills son, also Thomas 0. Selfrldge, born In 1836, entered the navy In 1850, graduated at the head of hU class In 1854, was a lieutenant on the Cumberland when she was sunk by the served at Vicksburg, commanded the Huron in both attacks on Fort Fisher, served as chief of surveys on the Isthmus of Darien, commanded the European squadron 1895-9retired in April of the latter year as a rear admiral and lives In Washington In honored dignity, old age and distinguished services. Ills son, men-ofwa- Mer-rlma- c, ly 100 years, dropped out and reappeared after an Interval of a generation. Professor Dennis Mahan occupied tor many years the chair of mathematics at West Point. His brother Is Captain Alfred T. Mahan, of the navy, retired, the authority on naval strategy and the author of "Sea Power." Professor Mahan's sou Is Dennis II. Mahan, a captain in the navy. A summary showing the occupation of parents of cadets at West Point from 1850 to 1900 proved that 382 were officers of the army and 69 officers of the navy. A similar table prepared about the same time and for the same period for Annapolis showed that 290 midshipmen were sons of naval officers and 154 sons of army officers, and only the profession of lawyers had contributed more bods to both services. Worthy Sons of Great Fathers. It was Macaulay who said of a nobis house of Scotland that Its virtues grew by repetition through generations, and there could be no doubt of the fact that, with reference to this family, eventually, the world as we know It would become too common for the Argyles. But that was only a political diatribe. So long as ths army and navy breeds in direct line through generations, and men arise like Admiral Casey, Captain Rogers, General Fred Grant, Admiral Taylor, the Lees, the Frenchs, the Quinbys, the Crownlnshtelds and the Cromwells, no better source could be found at which to recruit our list of future admirals and generals. They have the best historic ssoclatlons to Inspire them. Our army and navy may Indeed through their maternity seek an aristocracy, but In A Fall Idyl. Have you harvested your grasshoppers yet? This may sound queer to city bred folks who don't know much about furmtng, but the man or won, an who-waonce a country boy will understand. The man or woman who was once a country girl will also feel a thrill at the suggestion of happy days down on the farm among the grasshoppers, the lightning bugs and the pip. Ah, well I remember how to go down to the river bank rosy Autumnal lime and harvest s we-use- In-th- hoppergrasses! The proper time to thresh grasshoppers is Just after the rural poet haa sent to the county seat paper a burning ocm redolent of deep and flaming woods, a heart throb inteisticed with lines once more assuring us that "the froBt is on the pumpkin and the fodder's In the stack!" Then It Is: Autumn's fire burn slowly In the wood. Pay by day tli dead leave fall and melt. The purple grape hang lustrous there. The wood are full of crimson hue. The melancholy day are come. The day are yellow, mellow, ripened day. White and dainty cloudlet float. The summer's throbbing chant ta done. The season I one of mlt and mellow fruitfulness. No, Curly Locks, this Isn't poetry. I' am just telling you about the Autumn-timwhen grasshoppers are ripe! Well, you go on down through the beautiful vista of color and ragweed, down the squirrel haunted hillside, through the ravine where Ole Thompson keeps his Durham hull, on and on over the hill and through Ry eat raws barbed-wir- e fence to the river where-th- e grasshoppers are sunning free from rheumatism contracted during a frosty night. There amid the beautiful splendor of the harvest time and with the dry leaves rustling all around, you sneak ruthlessly upon the hopper crop and' swat It In the concentric with your-olplush cap. As fast as you swat one you put It In your pocket and keep-o- n their paternal swatting. them-selv- es Gee! how that one tickled the palm-oyour hand! There la only one thing that makes a mans hand tickle more than the aawy leg of a grasshopper. It's when he gets backed into the-rea- r parlor with a grate fire slumbering In the chimney corner and a dimpled hand very much awake In bis;. The light Is low, very low, indeed, and ma and pa have gone to bed. The girl's hair Is berry brown, there Is a pose in each cheek, heaven In her eyes, and a ticklish ness in her palm that makes you want to yell for help. Then, all at once, you realize that' she does not need any help and you hang onto her pulsing, warm hand and squlrmlngiy announce that the angels are singing rag time when-shIs ever nigh. You tell her but to see her was to love her and never love another! You tell her the fragrance of her presence Is Utopia on earth, that her orbs of sight are like great stars that ever shine a benedlcion-upoyour soul! f im?T?&LVT iSKXZB: 5J KISSES. no iiian has to die more than dont linow about that. The igest soldier In the civil war dies darly every year or two." e le Power Reduced. started away with 60 horse-er-, related the new member of automobile club. what power did he return h?" asked the other member. ')ne horsepower. What? Do you mean to say one sepower would move that big male? It had to. The farmer only had old plug he could spare when 20 miles machine broke down m the nearest repair shop." Chi-- o Dally News. Vnd d Jane (protestlngly) But I dont more Arntly entrenched in the army. missis would like this sort of "Light-horsthink What do you suppose Is the cause Harry Lee held a comloues getting on in the world so thing, sir. mission in the Colonial service; the Old Sparkins No. Jane, I dont name . fly? appears In all subsequent army Pure laziness. That man would think she would. Not In her line at lists until the civil war, when it Is than move." ail. Now, I'm very fond of It myself. shown as Robert E. Lee, general of ually rather pay Judge. the Confederacy. After that there Is The Fierceness of Debate. "You think your next speech will a hiatus, but we find the family again ALL THE BETTER. named and distinguished In the permake an impression?" said the camson of the late Consul General at paign adviser. Cuba, Fltzhugh Lee, and In a half dozI do," answered the candidate. The Inertia of Jones. "Have you any new arguments to place before your opponent?" No; but I have a lot of new names to call him. Washington Star. Art Incomplete Reformer. "So you approve of epelllng form?" "Certainly. "Have you adopted It?" Not yet. I haven't had Ume go through my letters and them." Washington Star. re- to Could Erupt and Run. "Don't you think it is queer that a smart man like Mahomet could ever have expected a mountain to go to him?" "Oh, I don't know; maybe the mountain he bud reference to was a volcano." Detroit Free Press. I gay, old man. Im trying to mmeone to say something nice Paraded Too Much. it my cousin at his wedding Father (In alarm) I think we'd Will you do It? better call the doctor. The baby has ck But J dont know your slept thirteen hours straight! Mother Theres no danger, lie ay Good. Youre the very man wore his first pair of pants yesterday; that's all. Detroit Free Tress. ry re-10- A Mean Advantage, i m going to quit rooming Charlie. Chum Whats the matter? he talk In his Bleep? hu No, but h listens, when I do. trolt Free Press. fax ee Will Pose, Why are you wearing that gown at that dinner to night? ex-sil- Oh, you get away up iu the air and' come down with a thud when she asks you how much money you have saved! "Many a man, says she, sweetly, Bps con- ' keeping her ripe, rose-buservatively In the background, "asks a woman to fly with him when h hasn't enough money to buy a pair ot chicken wings in a Chicago restau- ' Miierabla. "Old man Wilkins Is feeling miserable." "You don't say! I thought hs was looking In splendid health. That's just it. lie's finding so healthy ho can't think of anything to take medicine for, so he just sits Milwaukee Sentinel and pines. t such a swell affair. More Respectful. know It; but I dont feel like 'How do you like your new cook? to much and with this gown on "She can't cook as well as the old Wt be Deof. but she treats us lots letter." lost one, entirely sight Free Press Milwaukee Sentinel. en more In both services. In both branches the name of Lee appears as Illustrating the permanency of this name, it has been distinguished borne by members of the family by 34 officers of the army and 16 of the navy. The remotest relation was that of a second cousin, the highest ranks were by two admirals and eight generals. Since General Gates fought the battle of Saratoga bis name Is preserved without break by lineal deseendents In the army and navy, and so, too, is that of Greene and Schuyler, and with a break of a generation that of Arnold, the latter In the army. The civil war started new families. Ulysses S. Grant la represented by a son, General Frederick D. Grant, and a grandson, Lieutenant Ulysses 8. Grant, 3d. Great Names In Both Servlcas. Other generals perpetuated their V. L. Pitnames in both services. cher entered the Naval Academy In 1868, "bilged" in his third class year, entered the srmy by Presidential appointment as a second lieutenant, and Is now lieutenant colonel of tbs Twenty-eightInfantry. His father was superintendent of West Point, having served with Grant, and while In that office his second son, John Tit cher. entered as a cadet, graduated, and Is now a major In the Sixth cavalry. In the same class at Annapolta with W. L. ntrher entered John C. Fremont, son of ths General and Path lie graduated, and Is now finder, the head of the command at nearly era' list His brother, Francis P. Fremont. Is a graduate of West Point and a major In the regular army, James R. Selfrldge, is a captain In the nary and was recently ordinance officer of the Boston navy yard. Captain Selfridges son is Duncan I. Selfrldge, a midshipman In the third class In the Naval Academy and looks for- ward to being an admiral like his paternal ancestors, a rank which his father will also attain within three years. Here was a family that had three flag officers father, son and grandson on the navy list at one time, all distinguished officers and who traced their origin to the Infant days of the service, and who moreover were further represented by two generations of descendants wearing the blue. Long Continued 8ervlce. This Is perhaps the most marked Instance of long continued service of one family In one paternal line in either Service. But the name of Porter presses It closely. Commodore David Porter, son of a Continental naval officer, served In the war of 1812, and In the Essex, sloop of war, fought off the English frigate Cherub until, driven ashore, He returned his ship was burned. home to find himself regarded as a hero and to undergo the hero's with republics, which are notoriously ungrateful. He resigned and entered the Mexican service with a flag rank, became disgusted and resigned. Three of his sons entered the navy. One of them was Admiral David D. Porter, one of the threo full admirals our naval service haa ever known. Of the other sona, one died young, the other atlalnod captain's rank and survived the civil war. In which he participated. Admiral D. D. Porter, son, entered Annapolis In the famous clast of '65, graduating In 1869, and Is now a commander. Another son entered the marine corps, but died young. The Truxtont, descendants of the famous old Commodore Thomas Trnx-ton- , are represented In the arrvlce by two names In the Junior grade. But this Is an atavism, for this family, hating figured In ths service for Dear- lines they are still a democracy, pure rant!" and undefiled, out of which Dewey And then you can't stand the tickand Schleys are always ready to ling any longer and neither can she' spring. and your lips meet in a suction-draugh- t that Curtain! Well, any )10,000 FOR A BOOK. how, you begin to save after that and Early Edition of Shakespeare Brought when you have $8.10 In the bunk your r argument that the two of you can Fancy Price. married than you aloue can Nearly a quarter of a century 'ago live single, takeB root and you get blbllo-phllmarried and begin fo buy the baby John Itveday, a of England, announced to the shoes! literary world that. In examining a dark corner of his library, he found a Thats Just the way a grasshopper little brown volume hidden behind two tickles In your hand! Oh, yes, I was rows of books. He opened it, and saw talking about grasshnper threshing. that the title of the first work In It Well, you giggle around with your was a poem by James Gresham, print- hands and your pockets full of grassed In 1626, on a Concl theme. At first hoppers until It Is time to unwrap the he thought that tho book had better fishllne and get busy. Then the black be put on the fire, but on turning over bass cotne to the banquet and pay the 1 a few leaves he espied the title of the penalty of their greed. ; second poem, The Passionate Did you ever notice that greedy poo or Certain Amorous Sonnets pie always pay the penalty of the. Between Venus and Adonis," being the folly? Whenever I am Invited out to; third edition, published by William dinner and eat so long my wife has Jaggard in 1612, There were also "The to make the family countersign or Mirror of Marytrs," 1601; "The King's kick me under the table, then 1 have Prophecle; or, Weeping Joy; Spen- dyspepsia next day and abue my ofser's Britain's Ida, 1628; and John fice boy! You Just cant get away Marston's "The Scourge of Vlllanle," from It and neither can tho boy when . 1598. his grandmother Is dead and the base The value of teh little volume, how- ball season Is over. ever, Ilea In the Shakespearean poem, and although this Is of the third ediNow, of course, I hate to compare tion, It Is believed that only one othet myself to a fish since 1 got on the copy of that edition Is extant the water wagon, but, well Isn't It more specimen In the Bodleian. The second humane to catch the fish than to overedition la apparently lost. Of ths feed him and give him dyspepsia? It's first, two coplea are known, on hav hard on the grasshopper, I know, but Ing been found In a garret at Slf he has no business to be a grasshopCharles Ishant's house. For some Unit per! many rollectora have been angling fot This reminds me of that old conunthla little volume, and now the ok drum, "Which would you rather do or haa been aold for 910.000 It la almost go unnecessary to add that the find has gone to America, where the 18,750 our visit's over for So "Richard 111" quarto, discovered at Come long, in again any Ume Just after din Great Missenden, went ner and stay until Just before tee Bring your crochet work or nltl Big Sum for Prohibition Cauto. J. It. Martin, an Ohio man, who owns large mining properties In Alaska, as serta that he will give 1500,000 a year to tha cause of prohibition. live-cheape- well-know- -- to-daj- |