Show r JlillN tlENRY ON RACE TIPSTERS By HUGH MctlUGIl GEORGE v HOBART1 r There We Sat One day last week I was beating the ballast up Broadway when Pete the Piker declared himself In and began to chatter about cinches at the track Get the saw Pete and cut It I said Its many a long day slnco 1vo been a Patsy for tho ponies Once they stuns me so hard that for months my bank account looked like a porous plaster so I took the chloroform treatment treat-ment and now you anti your tips to tho discards my boy to the discards Ieto isnt really a native of Dopo vllleontheieiice but ho likes to have people think he knows tho racing game backwards And ho does backwards In real life lies a theatrical manager nnd his namo on the threesheets Is I Peter J Badttmo the Human Salary I Spoiler In theatrical circles they call hIm tho Impresario with the sawdust koko and the splitsecond appetite Every time Pete poses as an angel for a troupe if you listen hard you can hear tho fuse blow out somewhere between I be-tween Albany nnd Schenectady From time to time over 2197 actors have had to walk home on account of Petes cold feet Pete can develop a severe case of frosted pave pounders quicker than any angel that over had to dig for the oatmeal money Pete Is an Ace all right tho Ace of Chumps His long suit when he Isnt dishing out his autobiography la to stand around a race track and bark at tho bookmakers Pete Is 1 what I would call a plunger with tho lid on lIe never bets more than two dollars on a race and even then ho keeps wishIng wish-Ing he hall It back Pete had me nailed to the corner of Broadway and 42d street for about ten minutes when fortunately Bunch Jefferson Jef-ferson rolled up in his new keroaono cart and I needed no second Invitation to hop aboard and give Pete the happy dayday Whither away Bunch I asked as the Bubble began to do a Togo through the fattest streets In tho town I thought Id run up and get tho girls and take em for a pin out to tho Belmont Park races Bunch came I backDid Did you telephone them I inquired In-quired No but I told Alice this morning that if I got through at the office In time Id take her to the track We tan call for Peaches on tho way across town was Bunchs programme Whisper Bunch I suggested lets do the selfish gag for once and leave tho wives at home I havent beta bet-a nickel on a skato for two years but my little black man has the steering wheel today and Im going to fall oft the sense wagon and break n five dollar dol-lar bill Im with you John chuckled Bunch and half an hour later we were I 1 t Pete the Piker jn our way to the track after having sent notes to our wives that Important business kept us chained to the post of duty but If they would meet us at the Hotel Astor at seven p m wed all dine together Bunch had pust tied his Bubble to a tree at the track and was In the act of giving It a long tool drink of gasoline and some cracked oats when Flash Harvey bore on us and made a touch for the turnout Say Bunch chirped Flash lend mo the choochoo for half an hour will you I have my sister and a dream cousin of ours from Hartford here this aft and Im eager to show them how I can pound a public road with a rowdycart Ill fVn good care of the machine anr ick lu two hours honest Bunch Flash being an old friend of ours Bunch had to fall for tho spiel mouth loaned him tho Uubblo fortwltli Ten minutes later we were so busy listening to the surethings falling from the eager tongues of tho various friends we met that t we quite forgot till about Flash and tho busy barouche The first clnchbulldor we fell over was Harry McDonough the Inventor of the stlnglcss mosquito now In use on his Jersey farm Harry has tho mosquito game down so line that has going to take a double sextette ot tiioin Into vaudeville next season Ho has trained those twelve sheets to sing JCobla Grnssa and Al Hoi I brook has promised to teach them a Venetian dance I Harry offered us four winners In the first race nnd two cigars lIe told us If wo lost to smoke the cigars carefully and wed forgot our troubles and our names but If wo won wo could use the cigars us firecracker Then wo ran across Jeff DAngolis fie composer of the new tuno now played on tho automobile t horns Jeff hadnt ptckoJ 1 out a horse to win any race because his loyalty to sncezo wagons Is KO Intense that ho wont even drink a horses necl lIe explained that ho only came to the race track to show the horses his smokebuggy anti niako them shiver George Yates tho Inventor of tho machinery for removing minburn from pickles was there and ho tried to present pre-sent us with a sure winner in tho third race A little later on wo discovered that tho horse Yates was doing n rave overloud over-loud boon dead for four years and that the card from which he was lifting his dope was the pro ramme of the moot at Sheopshcad In 1S9G Some kind and thoughtful stranger had lifted fifty cents from Georges surplus anti In return had stung him with an ancient echo of the plttypats Our next advunturo was with Joe Mlron the famous horse trainer and Inventor of the only blue mare In captivity cap-tivity at Elmhurst Say why didnt I see you guys before be-fore tho first race I had a plushcov ored pipe yelled Joe I had that race beat to a stage wait Joe went on enthusiastically Why all you hud to do was play Iho Goblin Man to win and Mur dcrallo for a 1Ilarolt was Just like getting money from the patent medicine I cine business I How much did you win Joo I Inquired In-quired Who me Joe came back Why I didnt get here In time to place a bet i drove over from Elmhurst and the blue mare burst a tire But say Ive got a mothers darling In tho third race Oh Its a ladybug for certain You guys play Perhaps to win and I youll go homo looking like Piorp Morgan after a busy day It cant lose this clam cant Say that horse Perhaps wears gohlph tell overshoes and it can kick more track behind It 1L than any ostrich you ever sent wny Its got ballbearing castors on tho feet and It wears a naphtha engine In the forward turret Get reckless with the coin hoys and go the limit and it the track happens to cave In and it does lose Ill drag you down to Elmhurst behind the blue mare and make the suction pump In the backyard back-yard do an Imitation of Walter Jones singing Captain Kldd with the bum pipes Joe was so much In earnest about I It that Bunch and I put up fifty on Perhaps nnd waited We are still waiting Perhaps may havo been a good horse but ho had a bad memory and never could recollect which end of the traclc was the proper place to finish Joe must have left for Elmhurst immediately im-mediately after the race because ho failed to answer roll call Then we ran across Dave Torrence I the famous Inventor of the disappearing disappear-ing trump so much used by pinochle players When Dave began to dope em out for us Bunch and I hid our pocketbooks pocket-books in our shoes There were tears in Bunchs eyes but I was busy looking for a rock Heres a good one Dave suggest er listen to this ono Easy Money out of Life Insurance by Director And heres a good one Chauffeur out of Automobile by Policeman I lo you care for those Here are some more pcachorinos Dave went on relentlessly hero Is Golf Player out of Bunlne < s liy Mosquito and heres anotiar C od one Eternal Daylight nut of Ilus sla by Japan like o 4 DI14 un 1 I handed have the re pre ii face and fled for our lives 1 a o go down to business and hegi 11 to I lour money with moro system and k > < nota At tire oad of the fifth rare wo I 1artnt the price of a leather nandwlchl between us I Every dog wo had mentioned to thq bookies proved to IKS a false alarm Every turtle wo plunged on carried our money to the bonfire and dumped It In InMy My little black man Is whimpering whimper-ing Bunch I said Im cured One hundred nnd sixty bucks toj this bad for mine InuRhctl Bunch hI cuesa that win bold me temporarily temporari-ly Come on John lots hop In the Bubble and Infill back to tho Hotel Astor the girls will be waiting for us We hurried to tho spot where Flash Harvey was to leave the gashopper but thoro was no sign of Flash or tho machine Seven oclock cnmo nnd still no sign of Flash or the Bubble and there wo sat two sad boys without a baubco In tho jeans hungry to tho limit and with an cvi i present vision ot our two worried wives displacing n bunch of expensive space In a restaurant whllo they waited for us to show Tt na 1111 I rill n Eight oclock came no Flash no machine while thoro wo waited and watched our hair as It slowly turned gray i I had gone through my pockctn till 1 wore holes In them without II 1 < mating mat-ing anything In tho xhnpo of money but finally an about the nine hundred and nineteenth lap Bunch discovered u dollar bill tucked away In n corner whereupon wo turned our faces to every point of tho compass and called = fl j II ff4sTW1 Ih 1iLs fl1 I Q l When I Got Home But Whats Uio Use down maledictions on tho head 01 Flash harvey wherever he might bo and then ducked for tho trolley When we finally reached the Hotel Astor It was a quarter past ten so wo decided It was too late for dinner and we didnt go In At homebut whats the use The war Is over now and a treaty of peace has been signed We are even with Flash Harvey though lie got speedfool I in tho Bubble and tried to give an imitation of a torpedo destroyer with the result that a Reub constable pinched him and tho I whole outfit and threw him in a rural hostile for the night Thats what delayed him I Copyright 1901 by G W Ullllngham Co |