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Show f H -Of's-T o - 1 I 3 ,4Ul i 1 - I By Sewell Ford wiioi ty on ail upin t leal j"-"" j HAVING a friend like Pinckney has heathen. Bern mch a fW contributor its drawbacks, after all. Not to the missionary fund she has hr sa that I'm knonkin' him, under- "J3 t0 -i"''' how "the rcformin' shall be stand. And I expect most folks nnT'J eVCn, a,"f -hin'1 v,n,,M , , , , a lfl on -India's .-A,al strand she man- 1 h, hi, , r '""S ('hosty about 1,av- aes to mix in. What chance then does , "" !1,lMr cv'-'n "a :i Hnckney stand of escapiri ', livin' onlv i am auamtaiico, unless it. was some a coupV. of hundred miles from her J 01 these parlor Bolsheviks who go This was the first time, though, that J round grourlnn about . the idle rich, she'd ever come in person. He was Ana j-poa.inig of ihnt class, while tellin' me about it the other dav. jou might find some that are riclier, Seems there was another nephew of t clou t know where .you'd dig up a hors in New York, a sportv vounj hick bpee.iii'eu th.-d was idler than Lionel that she'd tried to make "a "missionarv iinckney Ogden Bruce. of and failed. When she'd cut his al-But al-But 1 must, .say lie .loos it well. You lowance down to one-third he'd come know so many of these young plutes here and get a job us salesman for an who vc been brought Up on a six-figure automobile firm. Also when she'd income seem to get so bored with them- write askin' him how he stent his selves and everybody else that you al- evenings and what sort of friends lie most feed sorry for 'em. You see 'cm was making and so on he'd wire back yawnin' in the club windows, mopin' somo tommvrot like: "Sorrv, Auulie, around al, their country places, or dear, but the dealers are all out of vour rolhn by in their limousines lookin' favorite brand of cigarettes. Win-reeved Win-reeved or moody, and you wonder why don't, you trv rolling your own?" So they ain't happier. " she'd com.! down to do a little sleuth-Kiit sleuth-Kiit Pinckncv ain't, that kind. He in? for herself, incidentally favoriu ' don't drag around Iryin' to find some the Hruces with a visit, new way of killin' time. Not him. His "Charming old girl,'' says Piuck-program Piuck-program of events is always full up; ney. "So perfectly frank about point-yet point-yet what it's all about he couldn't tell ing out one's faults. 1 am making a you if he tried, which he wouldn't, list of mine, going to have it framed Anyway, work has no place on it. Ab- when it's finished and send it to her solutely. T taxed him with it, onie.. for a Christinas present. Perhaps you "Honest now, Pinckney," says i, would like a copy, loo, Shorty?" i heathen. Being such a free contributor - : to the missionary fund she has hr av t!P . "S to just how the rcformin' shall b'e C' zf done, too. So even in far-off China I o4 1 and on India's cnal strand she man- f' '-"JjBT Is ages to mix in. What chance then does fjVi'vH I V' Pinckney stand of escapin ', livin' onlv .j jfl , t l a coupVi of hundred miles from Vier'f This was the first time, though, that ,,, " M t F,', she'd ever come in person. He was $ , V ' tellin' me about it the other day. jffl ( lit : Seems there was another nephew of --p i'-l 1 :1 hors in X.;w York, a sporty voung hick 'h'i ;Sr. Vtt I !' that she'd tried to make a missionarv ff& 'A-'-' rs of and failed. When she'd cut his al- C r'ySf ' " j"' ' q ' ' 1 lowance down to one-third he'd come A &. .'j rTi 'Sv's ! hero and get a job us salesman for nn 1 'W? I'i ili'Ff -'ShVv: t automobile firm. Also when she'd ) ,Jcif Mi M -'.I'si,'i f write askin' him how he si.-nt his AK11' .!.i-Jfcl '4 'I evenings and what sort of friends he -ri -W A--A J't was making and so on he'd wire back Vi-'jV "'AAV' CVX somo tommvrot like: "Sorrv, Auulie. P ' ' "NV dear, but the dealers are all out of your f J A A? 11 fa lavorite brand of cigarettes. Whc 'A 7 $ri NV V don't, you try rolling your own?" So V iV f ty)i she'd conw down to do a little sleuth- 6 f V" J U ' Xl ing for herself, incidentally favoriu' SZf i VV A? V I VCv1 the Hruces with a visit. L'&JP J Vt , 4 'I' V 9 hv 1 1 0 "Charming old girl," says Piuck- Pf5& UW H V R I ,j ' Jfl,i ney. " So perfectly frank about point- V- kt i 1 1 Z' pft F pf !1 ing out one's faults. 1 am making a V5V ' ',rB''at "rfl KS,') ' 1 I ' list of mine, going to have it. framed N'! -'fe;s iiWi f' KS' i I'- ! ll(ka when it's finished and send it to her N?Y W&'tt 2 4J? !' 5 $1 it 1 ' i for a Christinas present. Perhaps you Z-fi V , Vf' yd ( s' ' 1 L S I would l.k.e a copy, loo, Shorty?" ffi A M t H "didjeutxvo find some Jtoom f-Ss. sodden cnes end administer a V j doss of sunshine!" I ',' ,J' - X, 111' HIJ WIHIHII'H ULIHIIE solemn. "I'm surprised at you. Shorty." ' ' Weil, for one thing," ay.s I, " 1 don 't know as i could lull just how to make a start. If 1 did, mav.be I 'd give it a try. ' ' "Why," says Auntie, "that is simple enough. You begin with one family group. You get to know them, gaiu their confidence, find out what is wrong with their .wretched scheme of life, and help them to change it. That is the method. Por examide, I noticed a cobbler's shop, with living rooms behind. be-hind. There were numerous children about " "Joe Sabretto's?" I asks. "It was some such name as that painted on the window, 1 think," says Auntie. "Now why could you not begin be-gin with him?" "Eh" says I. and I expect tho way I was gawpin' at her I must have looked more stupid than usual. ' With with Joe Sabretto?" 'Certainly," tshe snaps out crisp. "Why not -with one as well as another?" an-other?" Having patience with people who stare at her with their mouths open ain't one of Aunt Julia's long suits, 1 take it. And the look she gives me should have shriveled me up. I don't know as I could say exactly what she raps out next, for 1 'm too busy smoth-enn smoth-enn ' a chuckle, but tho idea of it all is that if I'm too simple in tho head to crash in -with a little uplift work on my own hook sho supposes she '11 have to go along and show me how it 's done. That is, if f'm really in earnest and want to learn. "Sure thing!" says I. "Suppose we go right down now, eh?" And sav, if I'd thought a year I couldn't have sketched out anything that would have suited me much better. bet-ter. Y'ou see, I happen to know quite a lot about Joe Sabretto. No need goin' into details, but he's a cousin ot Dominick's, who's been doin' my outside out-side work for five or six years; in fact, it w-as Joo who found Dominick for me. Also Joe has been patchin' up the McCabe family shoes ever since he 's been in business, he 's been in oil a few political campaigns that I 'vo had a hand in, and "Well we ain t ex actly strangers. So if I was gom to be shown how to givo the scientific shunt to wretchedness and poverty ac-cordin' ac-cordin' to the latest Northfield methods I didn't mind startin' with Joe. i knew he'd forgive me if ray foot slipped or anything. I can't deny that his establishment is kind of a messy place. It 's the middle mid-dle store on the ground floor of an old wooden block with tenements m the back and on the three upper floors. Joe 's idea of an artistic window dis; play is to plant his greasy old stitchm machine as near the front as he can tret it and then pile his unfinished to- leetle Guiseppe, w'at taka da sleep here, and big Kosie, who goes with her gran'-mother, gran'-mother, I got seex. Da starlet feve, he get one, an' da pneumou' one more." "Six living! " says Auntie. "Altogether "Alto-gether too many for a young man of vour voars and in such circumstances. Too manv by far. You cannot provide ndcquuteiv for six. 1 'm sure. I presume pre-sume thai most of tho time they go hungry 1 ' ' " Yes, all time hoongry," admits Joe, stoopiu' to pat one of the youngsters on his fat tummy. 'See? Hat Ink lectio peegs. " . "No wonder you are obliged to live in such wretched quarters as this, then," says Auntie, sniffing iu at the front door. "1 suppose they are fearfully uuhygenic. 1 must inspect them. Come, my man, show mo through." Joe looks at mo inquiriu', for it ain't strictly polite to brush past that red and yellow curtain unle.-s you're invited." in-vited." 1 tips him tho wink, though, and after nntauglin' himself from three of the kids, ho proceeds to lead the way. Auntio takes one look at the sleepin' bunks, gasps with horror, and hurries on. In the kitchen we finds Mrs. Sabretto, who's rather a stunnin' looker when she's dressed up, busy around the stove, where she appears to have all kinds of stuff cookin '. She don't look any too pleased, either, at havin' visitors towed in. "Humph!" savs Aunt Julia, chokin' as sho gets a lungful of garlic perfume. per-fume. "What vile smelling food! How you can avoid ptomaine poisoning I can't conceive. But what is the meaning mean-ing of all this? Do you run a boarding house, my good woman?" She 's " pointing to tho backyard, where the dining table, stretched to its full length, is set with eighteen or twenty places. Mrs. Sabretto don't answer. She just gives her a flash from them brown eyes of hers. So I nudges Joe. "A leetle party," explains Joe. "My broddor Guiseppe get turn loose from da army las' mont' an' now he's get engago with' a nica girl. Some frieu's come tonight. We have beeg dinner. Sing song after. Fina time." "What reckless improvidence!" says Auntie. 'Hero you are, poor as you can be, and 3'et you are ready to spend your last penny in silly entertaining. And perhaps next week your landlord will be putting you out on the street for not paying j'our rent." "How about that, Joe?" says I. 'What you gonna tell the landlord?" "Tell him chase himself, eh?" chuckles Joe. "But t'ink he no bodder me. ' ' "What can the man mean?" demands de-mands Aunt Julia. "Fess up, Joe," Bays I. "You own this whole block, don't you?" Joe nods, grinnin'. "You know, Meest McCabe. You lenda me da mon w'en I make buy on da morge. I show you da pane w'en I pay heem off, too. At' now I got all da rent cornin' in every mont'. Yes?" "Correct," savs I. "But you lead a dull, gray life, don't you, Joe; full of soggy auatomy and and all that sort of stuff?" I "Wottell?" sajrs Joe, droppin.' back I into his musical native tongue. ' "I mean you're having a poor time of it," I explains, "with all these kids saddled on you, and no tiled shower bath in your bedroom, and a lot of unrefined un-refined people livin' all around you. Why, I expect not a single member of your family reads the Atlantic Monthly reg'lar, or has ever seen Who's-Who-verized? That's what we're here for, Joe, to have you sketch out all the pathetic points of your wretched existence ex-istence so we can tell you just how to live a better, happier life. ' Now let 's have the worst of it." Joe stares at me blank and scratches his head. "You maka da fun, eh, Profess?" Pro-fess?" he asks. "Does that listen like joke stuff?" says I. "Go on, Joe, tell the kind lady what troubles you most. Is it not knowin' how many calories you sop up with a plate of macaroni, or is it havin' hav-in' so many children to bother .with ? " He seems to get that last. "Oh!" says he. "Da kids! Fine, eh? Eosie, she go by da Hio!Hm She leafna lot. ?" "! !.- . pape, playa da pi:,,,"'?1" I Ut o Salvatore, V, ! '. da No Trust' si..,rfv da eraps, driva U ' An' da bombina ". ' laugh." 1 . Well, mavbo so '' 1 your crude taste is,,,''"' : these lowbrow ,,0f. , 4 - :, Don't they Bet 011 - . .. "ou mean da C:' says Joe. "Nice ,L,P ! , em good f rien 'sr ' Maka plenty ino,S,,.,v' , Sat day nighf. rf JH- , plenty cousins, too V he has lotta frien', '( i da .iob, no get liooii,,n- f have birthday, r get married, then ivP i., ' ou come tonight, nn I turns to Aunt ,l'Ha'v - i shoulders. "Sorrv." J looks like vou',1 pic.,.,! ease. Joe insists on l,fi' 1 happy ,n spito of l,is " Uon. that's to be Jne: And for onco in her i; is stumped. "I I j.', know," says she. I ' Just about then, tWini - ' to starts in uuloadin' ,'" , ', that she seems to lnvo l, ' They 're in Italian, but ,i, . of P'JP'"' aiul iMtcrestin' "What does she sav"' curious. '" Joe, he kind of tints n- ' his lioad. ' ' .' "Perhaps," puts in v woman has a different" '-: should like to hear whal "Come on, Joe, the j! '" urges. 1 ' "She lak to know," (-kinda (-kinda lady have beee for "Why' says Aunt j'; that I have a son aud ac ' grown up." :' Joe has another brief i , . the wife. "She sav," they lak you mooch, at them?" ,. Say, at that I has to t " " to hide the grin. For v '' has sure put her finger ' ', spot. Course, I'd heard f: .. ', all about how Aunt Julia', disgraced the fam'lv kv v quick-lunch waitress dud- H year and had never been ! ' how daughter Mildred 1: with mother about the ' she'd accumulated at ar. i, . had cut loose from home ? i " I twenty to settle down ; i Greenwich village and dir , tures for magazine cove couldn't exactly say tha: was popular with her imm-Nor imm-Nor you couldn't ex-plain - '' crude folks as the Sahrtv Aunt Julia wasn't tryicf. "1 fail to see," say- ',. "why my affairs have sr ,, with the case. I regard ! question as highly imper::: ' ' ' And I shouldn 't wo:: ! ' "but what Mrs. Sabretto the same. So suppose ' . , day?" ; J Which we did. It war ride we had back. Am: : to have gone stale or r the social uplift propo;:- '' hasn't a word more to of .... might know Pinckney wo: careless break or other ' i i back. " Well," says he, boa: ' ' did you two find some : ' ones and administer a : : ;v' shine?" 1 :. "Nope," says I. "T:! ; : 1 be particular about the :' And Pinckney had ti . , to snicker. can you rememner eer navin' aoue i anvthing useful in your life?" .'Let's see," says he, rubbin' his chin with the crook end of his walking . ; stick thoughtful. "Wouldn't you count hoing best man at some twenty odd weddings .' ' ' "Tiuled out," says I. "You may think that's your steady job, but i't ain't; it's just a habit. One more guess." "Well," says he, "I don't know that T can recall Oh, T say though! Surely I can. Didn't 1 invent a i:..-w cocktail once Why, the fellows still talk about "Disqualified," snvs I. "Besides, you'd better forget that you ever had criminal instincts like that. In a year or two more a confession of that sort would send you to jail." ' "You mean," savs Pinckney. "that cocktail mixing will be regarded as compounding a felony? Oh, T say, Shorty, but that's rather good, you know." "You're welcome to the serial rights, ' ' says I. And it's always more or less like that when Pinckney strays into the Physical Culture Studio here just one bright little thing after another. , As far as that goes it's cheerin ' and chirky. But the next thing you know he's let you in for some fooi stunt or other that may turn out all right or may not. For he's a born kidder, Pinckney. Life ain't no valo of weeps for him. It's a joke, and he's bound to have it so, no matter what happens. Even when his wifo 's aunt Julia appears unexpected from Northfield, Mass., and camps down for a two weeks' visit. From all I 've heard about her. too, that's some acid test. Mrs. Bruce admits it herself. i Seems Aunt Julia is about as popular with her relations as an ex-grandduke would be at an F.mma Goldman testimonial testi-monial meeting. She's the fam'ly regu- ;, lator, Aunt Julia is: a volunteer committee com-mittee of one who has been runnin ' a mail order advice factory for years, tellin' her folks whnt they ought to do and what they oughtn't, 'specially the last. And I gather that gettin' a letter from Aunt Julia is about, as pleasin' an experience as waking up on the sleepin' porch after a cold rain has been drivin' in on you for an hour or so. So you can guess why she's the only one of her family left in Northfield. Lives in a fine old house up there. I i understand, and hardly ever leaves the rdnoe except for her annual trip to Boston, where she takes in the spring flower show and lays in a stock of seeds and bulbs for her garden. But ' she's an active old dame. From her ; house on top of one of them big hills I she has her sharp eyes on most of the world, not forgettin' the heathen in foreign lands. Next to regulatin' her fam'ly and growin ' prize chrysanthemums that 's -; her big side line rel'ormin ' the i "Gwan!" says I, "you don't deserve a nice old aunt like that." "That's tho worst of it, Shorty!" says he. "I do not. And I enjoy having hav-ing her here so much. Makes me feel selfish. I'll tell you what, though; suppose I bring her around and share her with you some afternoon? Eh?" Course, I only grins unsuspicious and pays no more attention to it than I do to most of his josh. But as I say, you never know what fool thing Pinckney will think of next. Here only the other day as I comes etrollin' back from lunch I finds a taxicab waitin' in front of the studio, with him and this high-chested high-chested old girl in the purple lid waitin' inside. She don't look so fierce, I'll admit, only her chin might remind you some of Pershing's and them shrewd eyes of hers are the kind that never wavers or flinches from anything. My guess is that she'd make a good lion tamer if she hadn 't wasted all her early years trainin' her fam'ly. Outside of that she 's just a rather classy looking old dame with white hair and fresh-colored cheeks. "Oh, I say, Shorty," hails Pinckney, "where dees one go to find the homes of the lower classes?" "Eh?" says I, starin ' puzzled. "The haunts of the undeserving poor?" goes on Pinckney. "Auntie wants to see them. I've driven her down Sixth avenue as far as Four- teenth street, but she doesn't seem satisfied. She wishes to see " "Your wretched slums," breaks in Auntie, "not your third-rate shopping district. "Where are the homes of your miserable poor?" "Oh!" says I. "You want to go doivn and cross Canal until you come to such streets as Henry and Kivington and " "There!" savs Pinckney. "I was sure Professor 'McCabe could tell us just where to go, Auntie. But the only safe way is to take him along. Ehf What say?" "Ho could hardly be such a poor guide as you are, Pinckney," says Aunt Julia, "so let him come." "You see?" says Pinckney. uoddin' to me. "Y'ou have been chosen." ' ' Thanks, ' ' says I, ' ' but you 'd better count me out this time. I might not qualify, after all." "Nonsense, young man!" says Aunt Julia, pushin' opon tho taxi door impulsive. im-pulsive. "Get in and tell the driver where to go. ' ' And somehow when she tells vou to do a thing you do it. Anyway, before I could frame any argument as to why I couldn 't go I was on my way. Inside of half an hour, too, T was showiil ' Aunt Julia the real thing in slums. You know what some of them streets on the lower East Side are like swarmin' with kids and . push carts, babies plavin ' in the gutter, more babies cluttcrin ' the doorsteps aud leanin' from fire escapes, half naked and dirtv. Tho regulation tiling. Seems it's all new to Auntie, though. She works up a fresh shudder at every bloek. "Such sordid misery!" snvs she. "Such utter wretchedness! Tell me. whnt is being done to alh'viafo all this? What are vou doing?" "Shortv. what are r. e doing?" demands de-mands Pinckney, with the cut-up twinkle in his eve. "Whv, " savs T, "I expect we re stayin' away from it as much as we can." "And do vou mean to tell m?. comes back Auntie, "that you fee! no sense of responsibility for such dirt and poverty and crime?" I shrugs mv shoulders. "You see, ma'am," says" I, "I didn't invent the East Side. It was here when I was born. ' ' "There you are. Auntie!" snys Pincknev. "The perfect alibi. Interesting Inter-esting thing, though, poverty. I understand un-derstand books have been written about it. Somo day I mean to look one up. Keally. " "Bah!" savs Auntie. "You have a frivolous nature. You are callous to thie cries of suffering humanity. And you ought to feel ashamed, both ot yu-" "So I would, too. if I'd known about it before," savs Pinckney. "But, you see, Auntie, I am just discovering it. With Professor McCabe. however, it's quite different. He's known about it all along, vet lie goes on in his careless, care-less, frivolous way, without shedding a tear. Shorty, perhaps you can look us in the eve and tell us why you haven't put a stop to all this long ago?" I gives him the grim. "Maybe I figured it was too huskv a job for me to tackle," says I. "Besides, I don't just see how it's up to me, anyway." Auntie sniffs disapprovin '. "The age old excuse.'-' says she. " 'Am I then, mv brother's keeper?" Come, let us go. I "shall bring this up at the next conference." con-ference." As for me, I was willin'. I didn't feel that Auntie had quite made out a case against me, but I didn't breathe real easv until they'd dropped me off at the studio aud I was safe upstairs with the door shut. Aud if Pinckney wanted to share Auntie again with anybody I hoped he'd pick on someone else. ' . You'd thought he'd been satisfied with that. too. But it seems be had such a good time watchin' me squirm under Aunt Julia's glare that be had to dope out an encore. So here Sun-dav Sun-dav afternoon, as I'm putterin' peaceful peace-ful about the grounds out at Kock-hurst-on-the-Sound, who should show-up show-up but this same pair. It seems that in drivin' through the village Auntie had discovered that m had the makings mak-ings of a slum district, right at our elbows; that is, she'd seen our dago settlement, down near the nut and bolt works, and I expect Pinckney had egged j her on to tackle me again. "Surelv, young man," says she. "here are conditions of wretchedness which you might be doing something to alter. ' ' "Oh, I don't know." says I. "Them Italians ain't so bad off. They get aJong pretty fair. ' ' "Then you know very little about them," says she. "Why. even with a passing glance I can tell what dull grav lives they must lead in those . sbalihy, dirty tenements. Think of the hopeless, sadden monolony of their, pnvertv-ridden existence. And you' stand "by, seeing it every dav, without even lifting a finger to help." I "Xot a finger!" says Pinckney, pair work around it. Yes, there usual-lv usual-lv is a sicklv geranium plant that one of the girls" has brought home from school, and any vivid show posters that Joe can get hold of. Half way back a red and yellow cotton cot-ton print strung on wire, curtains off the shop from the place where the younger kids are stowed away at night in bunks. Behind that is another bedroom, bed-room, and then in the rear, openin ' on a cluttered backvard, is the combined kitchen and dinin ' room. It's all handy und convenient. Joe can sit out. front at his bench and chat away with Mrs. Sabretto in the kitchen. He's never late for meals, and all he has to do to guess what he's going to get is to take a sniff. So the fried onions or the cabbage soup never surprise him. And he ain't likelv to miss any of the cute sayings of the kids either. Generally he has two or three sprawlin ' around at his feet while he's at work. Might bother some folks, but not an Italian. They sure are strong for the youngsters: young-sters: aud the more thev have around, and the dirtier thev are, the fonder they seem to be of 'em. Anyway, that's the wav I've found Jco. And this being Sunday when we breezes in on him Aunt Julia and me, course he has nothing else to do but indulge his weakness. As we rolls up in the car Joe is discovered sitting just outside the shop door with the ' newest babv in his lap, a two-year-old ! balanced on one knee, and a couple i more children draped around him soine-i soine-i how. The oldest can't 1.3 over six ! and they all seem to be cut from one I pattern with black curly hair, bright ! brown eves, and stout, chubby legs, 'joe is smoking his pipe, he has ar- rnved himself in a pink and green shirt with a wallpaper pattern, aud he seems calm and contented. Course, the minute he spots me he shows a double row of white teeth and starts to "ive me the friendly hail, but I blocks him off tho best I can. "Is this Joe Sabretto, the shoemaker?" shoemak-er?" says I. "Sure t'ing," says he. s-til! gnnnm . "Then listen." says I. "Here is a kind, good lady who has come to help you in your troubles." "Wottell?" says Joe, starin' from one to the other of us. "What does he say?" asks Auntie. "That was Dago, for 'Much obliged,' I guess," says 1. "Now I expect I'd belter explain that " "No," savs Aunt Julia. 'I will talk to him. 'My good man, how many i children have you?' " I "Me?" savs Joe. "If you count' 4 |
