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Show jTHB LICOEICE BALL. In the days of old, as I recall. The pastime was a swift affair, Where one could sit and watch the hall Go sail hip in the air. And one could see the athletes run About the field on nimble feet And one could leave ere set of sun And bent it home to eat. thit now the athlete smite no more As in the olden days they smote. They block the game anil raise a roar To c.t the pitcher's goat. The situ sinks in the western sky, And evening is about to fall,' And still we hear the batsman cry: "Hey! Lemme see that ball!"" We do not Vnow whether there is anv such animal as the licorice ball. if there is one, we doubt whether the avcr-acc. avcr-acc. player woidd recognize it. even though he were formally introduced. All we know is that it affords an alibi for a lut of gouts who can 't hit. It is not necessary for Herb Hoover to assume control of theatrical tickets. The speculators have attended to that. This was Hans Wagner's last year on the diamond. IFe fears that if he remains re-mains another seasou with the Pirates he will forget all he ever knew about hnsoball. QUITE OFT. Oft, at a movie piny. Wb'n thrills begin to bind me Some l:jrge and husky jnv Will raise his voice behind me AS FOLLOWS: Va see? Didn't I tell ya ? It wasn't Otto Sweeuey at all that blowed up the pickle foundry. It was Julius Mac-Pretzel, Mac-Pretzel, tie's the same guy that planted plant-ed the dynamite in his grandfather's whiskers.' I see this f ilium before. .Now watch! Tie come out from behind the sardine factory, nut Otto is up in that tree disguised as a nut. Xow watch! Didu't J tell ya? Ktc. etc., etc. YES, QUITE OFT. Oft at a movie -plav, When thrills begin to bind me I feel constrained to slay The nut who sits behind me. CAMOUFLAGE. When the'Frenchmen plant 3 cannon in a dugout at the front They conceal it in a clever sort of wav, And its long and deadly barrel in its innocent apparel Makes you think it is a peaceful stack of hay. When you gaze upon the landscape from a soaring aeroplane All the earth beneath is peaceful -like and calm, Till an onion patch awakes you, or a flower garden shakes you, Or a radish patch destroys you with a bomb. We have camouflage a-plenty in our peaceful walks of life, And especially among our pugilists; For they make the heavens rattlo as they roar aloud for battle ' And display a pair of large and bony fists. Oh, the pugilist is warlike till you offer him a fight, When a pallor forms upon his slanting slant-ing brow, And he sighs and answers sadly: "I'd accept vout offer gladly, But I'm handcuffed with a circus contract now." THE FIGHT PKOMOTEK KICKS. The heavyweight who once was glad To put a foeman to the bad For forty-seven dollars, Now madly tears his hair and groans Unless he gets ten thousand bones, And loud and long he hollers. A heavyweight with a slanting brow Pemands a swollen fortune now, And there is no relief. Oh, Herbert, you would ease my soul If you would only take control, And eut the price of beef. Citizen of Decatur. Til., announces that he has played 100,000 games of solitaire. It now behooves him to tell us why. Sam MeYey and Jim , Johnson in Panama recently conducted a revival of that ancient comedy entitled, y ' The Gold Dust Twins." THE TOURIST. Waiters to left of him, i Porters to right of him. Hat-boys in front of him Stood by the hundred. His not to reason why, I iris not to make replv. His but to tip and fgh: "If this army ever invaded Germany, the kaiser would be bankrupt in less than a month." |