| Show 1R0 DOOLEY ON TilE I < DOINfS OF ANARCHISTS V V Why should anny man want to kill L king said Mr V Dooley V hal what Id like to know I Little gredgc V have 1 L again anny monarch In th deck Live an let lives me motto Th more yo have In this wurruld th less yo have Make In wan p cl lose In anothers th rule me boy Little joy ii tlc sorrow Ta kin V it all an all cl rather be where I am thIn on a throne an be lh look Iv things Ill have me wish V Tis no alay job beln a I J king banIn th fact that yo dont have to marry th woman iv yecr I choice but the woman Iv somebody J I elses TJs like takln n conthracl an I I I havln th union furnish tl foreman i an lh maleeryal Thin If the wurruk 1 aint good 0 wildeyed I man frm Pat i lerson Noo Jarsey laves his munkey V an his hand organ an takes a shot at ye Thank th Lord Im not so big I that anny man can get comfort frm pumpln Wlnchesler at me frm th hOJ I Iv a house I But If I was king neer an organ grinderd get near enough me to take I me life with a HotcKkias gun Id be so lar away frm lh mullilood Hln nissy thai ijiey cud ony distinguish me rile features with a spyglass Id have pollsmen at Ivry turrn an Id Vi have me subjlcks retire to th cellar whin I look me walk Dlvvle a bit wud ye catch me splallhcrin mesllf with morlhar an slickin newspapers in a hole VIfl a cornerslhone to show future ginrations lh progress Iv crimein this clnchry Theyd lay their own corncrslhone fr all iv I me Id con municnle with th poplacc be means iv ginral ordhers an Id make it a thing worth tcllin about to see lh face iv tim grreat an good King Dooley V Kings Is makln thlmsilvcs too common com-mon V Nowadays an arnychist dhrops into a lunchroom at a railroad depot an sees a man sctlln on a stobl lalln Va qunrlher section Iv a goosebry pie an dhrlnkln a glass iv buttermilk Dye know V who that Is says th V lunch counter lady I do not says th arny V chit but be h th look iv him he aint much Thats lh King says the lady V Th King is it says th arnychist Thin heres fr wan king Icgshe says an tis all over A king ought to be a king or he oughlnl He dont need to be a good mixer I he wants to hang on he must keep out Iv range Tis th kings an queens that thrusts so much in lh let iv their people that they live in summer resort hotels V an go out walkin with a dog thats hurted The ony person that ought V lo be able to get near enough a rale king to kill him Is a Jook or lh likes Iv that Th Idee iv a man frm Noo V Jaisey han bit chansl V ill on earths to be done about V thlm arnychisls Mr Hennessy asked What alls Ihim annyhow What do V VV V V Ihey want Th1 Lord ony knows 1 said Mr Dooley They dont want annything thats what they wan They want peace on earth nmith way they propose pro-pose I to sh It is bctmUrdhrlri > Ivrywan that dont agree with thlm They think we all shml do as they please They rc down on tit polls foorce an in favor ly I the pojVlace an whin theyve kill n V king they call on the polls tone to-ne thim frm lh mob An belween V you an me lllnnlssy ivry arnychist Tve j knowed an Ive mot mann in me I lime an quile lawabidin citizens they was too had th makln of a thradce Jan in him r they was no newspapers I Ihcyd bo few arnychisls They want V to gel their pllchcrs In th paapers an V I they cant do It be whcclin bananas through th throats or mllkin a cow so they go oul an hill a king I used to know a man be lh name Vi Iv Schmitt that was a cobbler be profession an V j i lived nex durc but wan to me lie was th daclntest man ye Ivor see He kept I canary burrd an1 his devotion to his wife was th scandal hv th neighborhood I neighbor-hood V But bless my soul how he I I haled kings He ctiddent abide Cassi 4cy i aflhcr he heerd he was daysclndcd frm lh kings iv Connock though Cas sidy was what I 35 ye call a prolotoorlo ota ot-a lalkUi wlrkln lan An lh wan I I king V he hatcil above all others was ti King iv I SchollzwigHolsteln which was the barbarous counlhry he come f rni < He cud talk fairly daclnt about other kings but this wan Ludwjg was his name an I seen his pitcher in th paaper wansi wud throw him Inlo a fit lie blamed Ivry thing that happened to LudwIg I i V 1 V they was a alhrlke he charged It to LudwIg If Sohwarturneisler didnt V I pay him fr halfsolin a pair iv Congress I I Con-gress gallons he used to wear In thlm I II days he tied a slhrlng arround his finger fr to remind him that he had I V to kill Ludwlg V What have ye again I the poor King says I He Is an opprJssor Iv th poor he says II I So arro yc I says or ycd mind I I V booty free Hes explodin th prolo loorio he says Sure says T the prololoorio can explode thlmsilves Pretty Pret-ty well says I He oughtnt to be allowed to live In luxury while others starve he says An wud ye be klllln a man fr holdln a nice job says I What good wud it do e7 says T Ycd have V lh wurrud tv th people I says he Ycd have lh wurrud on lh t cofiinlid says I Why says he I think V Iv V me Schmitl Owsgood I Schinllt stalkin forth to avinge th I woes Iv lh poor he says Loodwlg lh cursed goes by I jumps frm behind be-hind a three an sciely is freed frm the monsther ho says Think Iv th glory iv I he says Owgoost Schmitt emancipator he says IIi prove to Mary Ann that Im a man he says Mary Ann was his wife Her maiden name was lucy She heerd him say it Otis says she if Iyer I hear iv V ye shootin eer a king 1 Ill break Ivry bone In yeer body an lave ye she says V saysWell Well sir 1 thought he was jokin V but he hlvins wan day he disappeared < an loan behold two weeks aflhcr i picks up a paper an rreads that me brave Schmitt was took up be lh polls fr thryln to cop a monarch frm behind be-hind a three I slnt him a iv coPy a paaper with his pitcher in it but I V dont know if iver he got It Hes over there now alhls wifes takin in V V washin V Its vanity that makes arnychists HInncssy vanlly an th habits kings has nowadays Iv beln1 as common as life Insurance agents V I dont like kings safd Mr V Hcn nessy but I like arnychisls less They ought to be kilt off as fast as theyre caught VV cfugh to V V Theyll be that said Mr V Dooley V But killin thlm is like wringin lh neck iv I n mlckrobe Copyright 1900 by R H Russell |
