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Show HOBNOBSiNG WITH ROYALTY, After EnJoylitC Kl'r, Man- arehlaa a '. tit, Krtnras. John 11. Hartford ha returned home from a six montlis' visit to Europe where, he has been consulting with the crowned heads of that country on matters mat-ters of great importance to the perpetuity perpe-tuity of royal conditions. Mr. Hartford found tho Prince of Wales in very poor health ami a distressed dis-tressed slate of miud because of the fickleness of l Jersey Lilly and the iloulit that filled his mind a to whether ho or Freddie Gebhardt occupied id,' first place in her al-feelious. al-feelious. To pia the Prime Hartford asked Lilly about it and sue gare him a low scornful laugh and said : "Sir'h! you are insolent. Leave tuah." . Emperor Will, am was in a hornets' hor-nets' uest of trouble all tho time. Bismarck always hud one gridiron heating while ho wi toasting on the other. It, tin necessary for him to keep a man ou the frontier with a club all th" time to prevent the Freucu armv from coming into Kerliu. Mr. Hartford informed the emperor that, as the liberal and people' parties in I tah had divided Oil national lines, it would now bo deemed sate for him to come here, where bo might be able to get the position of drill master to the Dver lilies. His crown could bo pawned on Second South street at the equitable rate of interest of 10 per cent a month. I'.aron Fava had opened a banana stand in Homo and is doing tirst-rato. He is having a new hand -organ built, which does not plaV American tunes. From Kome Mr. Hartford went to St. Petersburg where he tried to induce the czar to put acme money lu some lots in Agricultural Park addition, but tho Jews and the nihilists were making Alexander's life ft night-mare to Uiiu aud Alex couldn't see it. When Hartford patted the hardhearted hard-hearted marshal on the shoulder and aid: "Alex, old man, coin with me to Utah and join the Young Men' Christian association and quit this gay, sporting life yotl are leading at such a headlong pace." Alex replied. "If I thought Frank Dver would withdraw his clam, and woii to send mo to emigres. I believe be-lieve I would. Ask Frank when you go bom's "llarty" dear old chappie. out you?" Hartforkwill talk to JDyer about it tomorrow. |