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Show 1 infernal figurehead I was. However my who compensated inn fur this In part by singing out of the same hymnal with mo and iu every way betraying what a happy coople'we were. lnhi way a part of hor halo reflected glory upon niH. What a sham thii world Is, forsooth! I liked the lonnou and listened to It with rapt attention. Maria meanwhilo Inspected the congregation critically. He to re the minister had uo-ioludcd aim knew more about the latent sty lea In fall wear Hum If she had visited a dozen dry goods and millinery stores. At last however, the church wua out, and taking tak-ing my nianlv right aha walked out hy my side nodding betiignantly to friends and acquaintance! an alio recognized them. "That was an alilo sermon the pastor preached." remarked Mr.. True as alio was jolted against my wife In the aisle. "Just beautiful." responded my wife, "and I enjoyed It ever so much." When we had gained the outside I asked Maria how she enuld utter such a lib when sho had not listened to the discourse dis-course at all and could not repeat a word of It or even tell what It waa about. Quick as thought she dropped my arm. "Mr. Fresh," ah said sharply, "you are a barbarian, Yon don't know anything any-thing about the amenities of civilized society. Yon are a disgrace to tho community com-munity and I feel heartily ashamed of your conduct all the way through. Tho next time I take you to church with me you will know it." And that ended the truce I had patched up wltb so much dillleulty only eighteen hours previous. Jkiikmiah Fkksii. JEREMIAH FRESH, ESQ. IV Goes to Church with His Beloved Wife and Heart the, Word of God AND ALSO SOME Of EBB O0MMEKT3. ' ' ' Which latter Disturb Hit Mind as to the Purpose of Church Going, Last Sabbath morning my wife concluded con-cluded a temporary truce with me. The evening before her modiste delivered deliv-ered an invoice of autumn apparel at the bouse and from that moment Maria's heart seemed to melt a Little for me. I generally manage on Sundays to put In an extra hour of sleep. I need it because Saturday being pay-day I am compelled to stay out a little later of nights, but this particular Sunday morning was an exception. Before the first rays of the sun had shed their golden gold-en lustre over the eastern crest of the Wasatch mountains Maria had informed inform-ed me that she intended going to ohurch and utilize me as , her escort. 1 suspected sus-pected a coup d'otate of that kind from the moment I saw the 'dressmaker Invade In-vade my premises and I was therefore prepared for my fate, though 1. could not see the necessity of breaking it to me at so unseasonable an hour. After that it was useless for me to try to sleep. At 8 o'clock breakfast was over and I repaired to my chamber to make my toilette. So did my ; wifo. Twenty minutes later -1 was ready for the ordeal, or-deal, and so informed my better halt. Sbe at once grew furious. "Do you suppose, Mr. Fresh, ' the cried, "that I would be seen alive with a slouch like you who can dress Inside of twenty minutest Where do you suppose you are going? To a saloon you think? And wifo do you suppose you are going with? I want you to remember, re-member, sir, that you are to be my company this morning. It is sad enough to have a bloat for a husband, but you ought to look at least deceut in your clothes." This admonition was given without a look at me and it was wholly ttncalied for by my appearance. I pride myself upon my classic features and my suit of black broadcloth was as spotless as try conscience. Yet I retreated without a word of remonstrance to my study, where I made a frantic hunt for a vol-nme vol-nme entitled: "Is Marriage a Failure?" Fail-ure?" "( ' Slowly yet surely the hour of 11 was approaching when I bethought myself of calling my spouse, but it was unnecessary, unnec-essary, as she appeared at this moment in state before me. I said: ''Hurry up, my dear, or we shall be late for the service." "Is that all you can think of just now, Mr. Fresh?" she snapped at me. ' Don't you see my stunning new dress, or don't you care? Any other man would go wild over his wife if she looked half so well as I do; but you appreciate ap-preciate nothing, sir, nothing except your cups." I saw Maria was going to play a piece of tragedy, so I went duly wild over her dress before it was eternally loo late. "Superb!" I exclaimed, and prepared to clasp her fondly in my arms a a climax, when sbe repelled me savagely. "None of your nonsense, Jerry," she said. Isn't that a beautiful tit? and the plaiting is elegint. Do you think i will pass in church?" I thought she would, if she ever got there, though I didn't express the Itst entiment except in my mind. She ,aid she had only to don her bonnet, and then she'd be ready. It took her fully a quarter of an hour to do that, and when I insisted we were too late, sbe said nobody but fool like me would try to be the first one at hurch, and as I am not an authority on the subject, I submitted without a word. Of course we were late but that is precisely what my wife intended, 1 proposed pro-posed to take a back seat so aa not to disturb tbe congregation, but Maria aid I didn't know bow to behave my-elf my-elf in church. She spoke in a whisper but ber looks betrayed her feelings. I was glad the sanctity of the house pro-ected pro-ected me. Keligion did tbi much for me. When Maria followed the usher to a front pew she looked baagbtf and apparently relished the iealou glances tbe listers east at her. I was pever so conscious as at tbi moment what an |