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Show An Undertaker Explains How Ungrateful Some People Oan Be Bill Smith's Demise. KNOCKED THE UNDERTAKES OUT. A Man to Whom it Would be Profitable for Any Undertaker to Tie To. "I remember," said the colonel, when the party reached the end of a good dinner, and tho waiters stood behind the chairs with lighted matches, "I remember an incident in-cident which stamped upon ray mind the fnct thut when a man has an eye for business busi-ness he has eyes for nothing else. " The colonel tells a story well, and paused here, waiting for the cigars to be lighted and for the inspiring fragrance of the Hnvanas. ' "Ishnll not tell you how long ago It was, for I am getting too old to speak lightly of decades. Hut when I first set foot and it was a tender foot, let me say-in say-in Hugo, Colo,, X at onco conceived a great respect for a mnn named Higgins. I could not help feeling a roveronce for Iligyius. ' Higgins was an undertaker. Ho was tho only undertaker within a hundred miles, ! and he was getting rich. Never a dny passed but my friend Higgins had a funeral on hand. He was the most cheerful undertaker, un-dertaker, perhaps, that over flourished. "I remember well tho day that I bado ' Higgins good-by. He was as light spirited as a grasshoppur, and a thousand times expressed ex-pressed his regret that I was going into tho interior until I felt clammy lest he might bo grieved at the thought that some ono else might have the proiitublu job of ' burying me. "When I next saw Higgins it was after a two yenrs' excrienco of chasing wild steers. I was glad to see him, he was such a jolly old undertaker. " 'Hello, Higglnsl' I said cheerfully when I walked into his establishment. 'How nre you, old manf "Higgins shook hln head mournfully, '. and then I stopped short in amazement, ; for I saw that he was nailing down boxes i and packing up his stock. " 'You aren't going to move, are youf I i cried in surprise, bub ho only jammed a . roll of crape into a dry goods box nnd . went on with his work. " 'See here, Higgins,' I cried, 'what's the troublof Tell me about it.' "Tho old man turned on me wrathfully. '"Ain't I been one o' Hugo's best citt . EensP' he asked sternly. " 'You have, Higgins.' , '"Ain't I paid my taxes?' " 'You have, my friend.' " 'Didn't I organize a board of education?' educa-tion?' " 'You did.' " 'Wasn't I its president?' " 'You certainly were, and a good one, although we haven't any school yet.' " 'Didn't I head tho citizens' movement for law and order?' '"You did, Higgins.' " 'Well, that's all. Now, how do yon , think this pesky town has treated its foremost fore-most citizen?' " 'Tell me, Higgins. You have my sympathy.' sym-pathy.' " 'Well, I was makin' a decent livin'. I let out contracts for the only brick build-ug build-ug in the town.' " 'Yes.' " 'I was goln' to call it the Higgins block. I was goin' to let the volunteer lire department depart-ment have rooms In my block for nothin'. proposed to huve a temperance union 1n Mie town. I hoped to have a free library, you know I'm a progressive citizen, don't you?' " 'Yon are, IliRglns.' " 'Well, what, do you thiik this town has 4one to me!" " '.Surely nothing bad, nigglns.' " 'Nothing bad!' he screamed. 'Do you know what they've done? They've lynched Bill Smith, and if ever thore was a cowardly cow-ardly blow aimed at a foremost citizen it was that.' " 'But you can bury him, niggins.' " 'Bury himl' he screamed. 'Bury himl Bury Bill Smith! Why, man, Bill Smith was makin' a fortune for me. He killed his man as regular as the sun went down, and I buried every ono of 'em. Ha was worth $25 a dny to me, he was. So I'm goin' to leave 'cm. This town don't offer no inducements to an honest man like me. Think what I've done for 'em. I was go-In' go-In' to erect a monument to our departed brothers. And now there won't be a death In this town once a month. Poor Bill!' find Higgins seized a winding sheet nnd tried to slide his sobs. "New York Tribune. |