Show r ivr I Telephone Directory 1 J vs Encyclopedia r ri i i j f B By RING LARDNER i v v To the They TIley seems to be a few tew people In fn Inthe Inthe the United States that still thinks we t justified or something In de declaring claring war on Germany but I J guess these birds would feel teel different If It they stopped to think that It was a Oer man that In Invented the Ule telephone and It If Louvain and the sinking of ot the Louisiana was a crime what about the Invention of UK telephone which comes from the Ule 2 Greek words tele tele meaning far tor oft off and phone meaning sound and maybe It I Is on acct of ot me In 10 Great heck teck which Isn t far from the Sound why maybe ma be that la Ia laa VI a hy by the teler hone sen ser service Ice Isn lent t so- so sowell ao well you ou know knon no hen lien a man stops slops to think that the hones are In In Invented by a German why you ou tan lan cant t help but believe bellese belle e the rest about them for tor lust lost In In enting ten tear g gis IS and etc ete but bui not only that but It also shows show how vs vs democracy they was when ben they in Invented In some something something something thing that nobody but only the leisure class can cun use because for I 1 und and you could not ne new nert r afford It even If e only figured our time on lOc per ler hr nobody gets ets as little as aa that now DOW days only the president of ot liar yard vard or a soldier or some think For if of I 1 am ow out here In Great heck eck and want to talk to some some- somebody somebody somebody body In N 1 City lIty why it wouldn t tonly tonly tonly only cost cust me we about S W S-W 00 to go do down don n there and see them Ulem why aby by If It I telephoned It would be SOc for tor the call and aud 2 days to I fat ut It through and If I worked on a Ii 8 hr lir basis on lOc lUe per hr ally h that would be a total of 1 IW O for forthe forthe forthe the 2 days that It took for tor them to put the telephone all tall through here I 1 could go down and see eec them and get back In 3 hrs or some such figure But nut In the case cane of ot the leisure class It s different us as the Uie only real work worl they half halt to do the whole hole yr around Is make mule out their Income tax blanks which only takes 3 a months to figure out how they can beat bot the gOt gov gos t L and It if It was not for tor the telephone they t know hut abut to do the rest ot of their time where her us now when get tired f t poker and bridge and nod etc Iud and hu have hate e got a n few days das do s left on their hands handi why wh all as they half balf to do to kill a Ii of dubs dais Is J try and get somebody on the telephone But nut I 1 don t want my genial readers to think this crabby article means that I don t hold bold no brief for tor the tele- tele tel teieI I hone lione company On the tile other oilier hand baDel It if It was as not for n II Gelman the telephone why shy hy they wouldn t ot of been no American 10 in Inventing the idle tele phone directory which is the greatest Institution we got left here from a amusement it tL of ot view slen le leThe The telephone eltory has bas never ne neerI been gave the credit it deserves and I I 1 have Lot 1 regret In life h Is that I 1 diun t keep all the telephone directories st which hick was c ever er a ate e to me as It would could sn save sate e me from bu buying Ing a 0 C which costs J Ja a case opposed to a n telephone directory that don elon t co cost t nothing If you ou e ever eser er get It and has hRS got 8 or g 9 times as many names mines In It and besides be- be be besides sides that the names In the cyclopedia Is 00 dead com need to the names In the telephone directory which Is only 80 dead when you try and call them upI upI up upI I also alsa wished 1 could bring a modern sol vol to pro prove prose p my as assertions but unfortunately the only telephone books I got In the house bouse Is the latest one front from Great Neck I where you al already already already ready know the number of the grocery store and the butcher shop chop and the taxi cab Co to and Mr lr Quan why loans you ou money and also the N 1 City telephone directory of May Jay Iny 2 1017 and I suppo suppose e If I live life here a couple more years they will bh e me a Octo Octo- Octo October ber her book of 1017 1911 and keep me roe up to date So I 1 will still III halt half to pro prove prose c my point It If any aDY by quoting from the lie N Y 1 CIty telephone directory of ot May lay 2 2 1917 as follows as os they sayIn sayin say sayIn In the first place It says that use uso- usefull use full full tull Information can be found on I age 17 So you turn to loge 1 I age 17 and the Ule first thing that strikes you ou In the eye e e bull is a 0 ad nd that says we e sell ii limbs that fit W V ell suppose that some bome morning you was ens to wake u up and anel have hafe a for a n artificial limb that fit you iou OU and anel you didn t know how hon to go about It to get one and ond they us not no telephone directory in the home why here would you be lie at ou nt lou would holt half to call coli up and anel astor ask as for tor information which Is r word for tor practical joke and ond they would could line fine finely finely ly Iy give gibe you lou OU a firm that sold artificial limbs S that didn t come near and oud Sou ou would could buy 1 and half halt to tu stall do down 11 the st nil all out of kilter killer and anel peo pIe would 1001 at YOU vou and mike you ou feel like n a fool On I age 2 22 2 they gh give gibe e you iou ou Inform Informs 1 lion tion for tor telephone users which they theydon don dou t claim Is usefull useful but It says si Sl s you yuu youcan c can n call III Information free tree of ot and albo also tI tlc tic e Co to cants lints criticism but It should ah always 0 s be lie made bv Iv tele-I tele idle tele- I hone hont hy by by the II time me you ion reach the IheI I 1 arty ally It would bt be 3 or or-J or IS later laler and the management would of ot charged All told It looks s to me IDe like lone I one which was node In Ger ninny OS ens enough excuse lot foi us t tIng tIng Ing tI II I em cm where here us as the tel telephone phone dl was S malt In 1 1 is n a work or tint hit ought to lo bO o down in 10 1 II t f ry III e a Huckleberry I linn inn or C Cices Icey Junes Jones or something I b a The tok leoJ al also o SOb that they h Inv He S git rest rt ct joins for tor but dOli i sq 81 nothing re rest t rooms for tor i II d ll ii ill al c ill III up III I Kg bIbe bi bb Ibe be b Smell Inc Ian ID |