OCR Text |
Show A CHICAGO COURT 5CES, I stepped into a place to-day to set how justice was administered it Chicago. I heard some foreign-sici eloqueoce. A man was suiDg anothei man because this man who was suinp the other man fell down in the othej man's coal-hole, which hurt the mar who fell down the ooal-hole. I heard this much: Lawyer Yoq know the ijlaintiff? Witness I do. Lawyei- What do you know of hit character? Witness I know him to be a square man. Lawyer Anything more? Witness Yes, sir; Ikoow him to bo a pood man. Lawyer Uow Jo you know him to be a good man. Witness Because when there is any good to be done, he is always 'round. Lawyer Ah! he is, eh? Now will you ttll the jury the shape of the hole the plaintiff swears he fell down? Witness Yes, sir; it was a round hole. Lawiur That will do, sir.' The coum-el ibr the defence made a stirring speech. It stirred even me. Says he: THE GREAT PB0BLE.M SOLVED HOW TO SQUARE A CIRCLE. "May it please the court, gentlemen of the jury, 1 call upon you to render a verdict without leaving your seats. The witness just examined is the only witness that can be produced by the plaintiff, the only one to sustain him in his dastardly attempt to defraud my client of his hard-earned wealth. lie has the audacity to stand up in open court, an object of scorn to all honest men, a reptile devoid of truth, and, I proclaim it boldly, a perjurer. This man, gentlomon, has the audacity to stand up hear and and swear before this intelligent jury that he had known the plaintiff for years, and has always known him to be a square man! Whh lhe vory nest breath, this cheat, this fraud, th's infamous in-famous scoundrel, tells you that he is a round man. Now, gentleman, mark well this point. You all know that this witness swore standing up there in the witness bos, that the hole tho plaintiff plain-tiff fell through was a round one; and I ask you, gentlemen, how in thenamo of heaven could a square man fall through a round hole? Again, gentlemen, gentle-men, the plaintiff distinctly swore that he saw stars, although this thing is said to have happened at noon. The thing is preposterous. In the words of the immortal Socrates, 'It is too thin." ONE-WUNTU OF THE AUDIENCE IN TEARS. "Look, gentlemen, into the faoe of that mother clasping a babe to her breast. See the tears trickle down her oheeks. She is the wife of the defendant de-fendant ; and tell me, gentlemen, does sho look like the wife of the man who owns a round coal-hole, for a square man to fall through? Look at the plaintiff, gentlemen. Guilt is written all over him. No wonder he quivers and quakes, when he sees the just ven-eence ven-eence of the law about to fall and crush him. Gentlemen, 1 am done. Give me your verdict, and let right triumph over wrong. ' ' In five minutes the jury returned a verdict of constructive arson against the plaintiff, and 1 left It was a touching oase, and it touched me to the quick, and I got out of the way quick. "John1 the Nino York JSun. |