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Show "Iff i Mi TitflT i-WMi&.mmfrim. .d i A .Now Jersey motL.-r interrupted the repast which a rat was muling at tho expt-Qse of her babe. Jeffcison'si-hare wad iust for eii night and one matiriuL-ol' "Kip an Winkle'1 in l'ittsburg. Fanny Fern tells of an ajjvd female who thought she wm "as youDif aa she jeverwaa. and m haodsumo ad .sho never was." After tweuty-tbiuy yir'( ah.-ciico in Australia, a runaway Missourian returned re-turned to his home and partook largely ol the fatted calf. A Ho.-ton uiuther in law who spitefully spite-fully persisted in liviug to the uge ol' 10c! years was turned out of doori by her long-auil'eriox daughter's husband. Alesid wad so young when his lather declared emancipation that there hi a talk of taking him down to Long Branch for the siike of showing him a serf. A live year old city buy told his I mother how to make butter: "You just take a long stick with a cross at the end of it; then you get a big tub; and then you borrow a cow." Little girl (inquiringly) Mamma, who aro you makinc all of those nice little clothes lor Mamma (ieeliogly) 1 am making them lor a Utile baby who hasn't a rag to iu name. Littlo ! irl (sympathetically) Mamma, wus j it burnt out in Chicago? j An Indianapolis doctor treated a hoy for catarrh, and consequently "bad breath," a week before ho discovered , that tho "disease" wu.s nothing but soino crawfish ihe patient hud un-thoughtiuily un-thoughtiuily left in his pocket after a fishing frolic about two weeks before. When baron Gerolt, the late Prussian Prus-sian minister, left Washington, bis eldest daughter stayed behind to enter a convent. Her parents used every effort to induce her to return wiih them to Germany; but she bus declined to do it, ami will soon take (be white veil. An ungry western editor wm!o to a poetical correspondent the other day: "If yon do not stop Bonding nio .such abominable poetry, I'll print a piece of it some day with your name appended , in full, and send a copy to your girl !" The poetry from that fountain quickly dried up. An inconstant woman is one who ia no longer in love; a false woman is one , who is already in lovo with another person; a fickle woman ia sho who neither knows whom sho loves, nor i whether she loves or nol; and the in-i in-i different woman, one who docs not lovo at ail. Unprotected female (awakening old gonr, who is not very welt) OhI mister, would you Cod the captain? I'm sure we're in danger; I've been watching the man at the wheel; he keeps turning it around first one way and then the other, and evidently doesn't know his own mind." Elder Evans, (be Shaker, now in London, hath a ready wit at ull times. On being asked, the other day, which were the qualities most appreciated in the females at Mount Lebanon, he re-j re-j plied; "The woman who makelh a good pudding is alwaya more valued by ua than she who makelh a tart reply." A little Irish girl about six years old, living in Massachusetts, was lately telling some of her schoolmates children of Protestant parents what great things tho priests oould do. "Why," said she, ''if he wished ho could turn a man into stone 1" The other children laughed and said, "Wc don't bclicvo it." "Well," was the reply beautiful for its simplicity "if I were you I wouldn' L bclicvej but I've got to." |