Show f N TA FA IlL BL S I hg By George Ade The Modern Fable of a Discredited Relative and Overcame the Prejudice there was ws an a assertive ONCE Character known kow as a John Bull Bul who roamed over or the Face Fac of the te Earth Erth staking at out Claims At one erie O Time Tm he M had bad d quite quit a Patch Path of Territory in what was wa known aa an a the New World This Territory was wa sparse sparsely sr ly populated populate by toy a number cumber of ot Johns Relations who had tired tir of Home Cook CookIng Cooking Ing ins From time to t time they claimed that tt they ty were we not getting a Fair Shake They very ver foxily waited until John had hd both Hands Hada busy with an another another another other Job Then Tn they ty kicked over the te Traces Tres While Wie he was wa engaged in a KnockDown and Dr Out at Home they gave the Tax Ta Collectors a Lift and started start Rough House HoW They succeeded in ousting the Agents of Mr Bull Bul and then they thy drew dr up Ar Articles tides of Agreement and an began b to do Business BU ne on their own Hook Hook John was w exceedingly vexed to lose such luch a large lar Piece Pie of Land It I hurt hur hH his hl Pride also als to think that he the Cham Champion t tat pion of the World had been put away awaya I w a The Typical American by a a Novice But he was W consoled by bythe bythe bythe the that the newfangled Confederation could not hold together very long John had inherited the Gift of Prophecy From the high ground gund of Experience he looked down at th the little Band of ot homespun Backwoods Backwoodsmen men who were quarreling and tinker tinkering ing tag over oer the new kind of Governmental tal Machine They thought they were going to achieve ac leve Results but he being bing binga a Wise Wis Student of ot History knew that their Efforts Efort were Hopeless So S he put himself on Record as aa saying an that the Experiment was foredoomed to Fail Failure Fai Failure ure He could see s the Elements of Dis Discord Discord Discord cord with wih half hl an Eye He predicted that before bore long the American Eagle Egle would be b stuffed and exhibited in some European Museum Mu um The more he sized up this thi straggling band of noisy Agi Agitators Agitator tutors along the Atlantic SeaBoard the hotter it i made him to think tink that he had lost the Decision He Dision concluded hat bat he h must mut have been licked by a Fluke or 01 else els somebody smeby had h Doped him So S he began to figure fr on a Re Return Return Return turn Match Whenever enever be he had ha an Op Opportunity he tripped up the Young Re Republic Republic public or else els butted buted into it I and asked Cant you see s where here youre yure going He was looking lin for trouble trub Finally he got his Wish John and the disliked Relative clinched for Round Two John shot up two or three thre struggling straggling Towns Townsand Townsand Townsand and did a little and the Relative had hint him hi marked in sev several sv several eral erl Places Place when the t Police interfered and it I was wa called a Draw Dw John went back bk home hom with wih a Raw Oyster on his hi Bye Eye of Prophecies and an began to issue a revised revis set st He allowed that the th new Republic I IIi I 9 t TM ree Look Right Right was in the Hands Hand of Corrupt Corpt Politicians clans that It was wa peopled by the rift riff riffraff rif raff raft of all al Creation Creton that the States Statesmen Statesmen men were bombastic that the whole Shooting Match lacked lacke the Ster Sterling ling Integrity and ad Moral Grandeur Grer with wih which he himself J B was wa so boun bounteously bun bounteously supplied For Fo every time le that John B threw a Brickbat tbt at some r one else el he threw a Bunch of Violets at himself He sat st back to await the inevitable iD SmashUp But the cy Machine Mah al although although although though it i pounded and leaked l steam I worry and an made along Strange Str Noises Noil continued to Occasionally one of John Bulls Buls Pam Fam Family I fly ily iy would come across a s the See Sea Se to t study Sudy the in the Interest of Science Usually it would be an ah a Author He would discover that abut about abut One Square Mile ne of Boston Botn wag Wi dimly I touched touche by the Light of Civilization CI U Uon but bt In other oter Parts of ot the Country Count the te true heard tre English Pronunciation a seldom Wherever the Author went he would be greeted with wih Acclaim and put into the Spare BedRoom and fed on Chick Chicken te en and serenaded by the Town Band BandI He would go g back bk and d tell his Coun Countrymen Countrymen Countrymen I all al about the th Typical T American who was wa said sid to be a lean and sallow slow Individual with a Tassel who consumed vast quantities of Plug Tobacco and bragged about abut his Coun Country Country Country try in a nasal nal Jargon Jaon and live lve In a aI tumbledown Log Cabin at the edge ege of ofa ofa ofa I a Malarial Swamp He was supposed I to be about abut the lowest Grade of Cau Caucasian casian maclan and it I was believed that the I would soon exterminate eteri nate the whole Species SpIes I I In Course of Time the th new ne Settle Sette Settlement I ment divided into two Factions and be began began began gan to Scrap over oer the Slavery Ques Quon Question Que tion John Bull Bul saw that his Prophecy was to come true It I was the Begin Beginning ning fling of the End and no Mistake The Tue Te North and South were locked Jocke in a aDeath aDeath aDeath Death Struggle John sharpened up his hi and got his FoolsCap Pa Paper Paper Paper per and prepared to hold an Inquest on the Remains But after the two Sides had bad fought themselves out of Breath and into Debt they shook shok Hands and an resumed reume Part Partnership The American Eagle Egl minus a afew aI afew I few once more got back backon bk on his hl Perch and squawked Defiance at atthe atthe atthe I the World orld After this local Unpleasantness John Johni i began to see s more of his former foner Rela Rein Relatives tives They came ce over as Tourists and I those who deposited Money at the Of Office lice fice were permitted to lodge at the Ho Hotels Hotels Hotels John sized them up as a a a Cheap Lot Lt although he had no particular Objection to an Heiress who was willing to pay the Market Price for a Title Tie But th the I Men got on his hi Nerves Nerve They had made madeI I the unfortunate Mistake of not being bing I Englishmen Besides Bide they had a Pe Pc Peculiar PeI culiar cullar cular Accent and manufactured Shod Shoddy Sho Shoddy dy Goods Gods and catered to the Irish Iri h I Vote and said sId I guess gues instead of I dare say and drank Iced Water and pursued pursue the Almighty Dollar DoUar and overheated their Houses and were only I a few Degrees above aboe Barbarism Even when the lowly and uncultured jL i ie il I e l I I Toasted at at Last Last Relatives R laUe began g to do John at all al kinds of or International onal Contests Cotest and Athletic Trials he did dd not alter al r his Bis simply saM said si that it was Extraordinary that a lot of emaciated emaciated Weaklings who lived on Pie should be b beable able to Skin the Greatest People on Edth For he still pictured picture the American as asa a aI asa a Ii lean and hungry hung invalid with a wisp I of Chin Whisker who manufactured Wooden Woden Nutmegs and Whistled and said But when the Yankee Yanke wiped up a Monarchy with one Hand tied behind him John had bad to admit admi that it had been done almost almot I I as cleverly as he he himself J B could have done it it and that was saying a great geat deal deal So he had a Dream Drem about an Alliance Alance One Day there walked into his Ote Office a Citizen with wih a suit sui of Real Rel Clothes the same as they wear in Oxford Street and a Pair of Gloves Glove and a Stick and ad a Tall Tail Tal Hat Who Vho are you asked aked John Bull BullI Bul I am your American Coos CousIn CoU In replied the Stranger I am over ove here to let ByGones be b ByGones ByGone also alsoto al to invade your Markets Marketa also aiso al to par pur purchase pr chase Westminster Abbey and the Tower But where here are your Chin Whiskers and an Boots Bots asked John JohnI I I shed them several Years ago I dropped in this pay py what I owe you iou Yu By the way I learn that you are having Troubles Trouble of your our own on Per Perhaps Pe Perhaps haps hap you would like Uke to borrow borow a few fe Billions Blons Saying which he produced a Roll Ron that thai th would have choked the Hoosac Tunnel My Dear Relative exclaimed John falling than faUng Water on his Neck Nek Blood Blod is thicker I should say sy it I is is responded the t Yankee k It is thicker than Maple Syrup lape MORAL Modest Ioe Worth will wi get there in Time TIm Copyright MM 1151 1 by Robert Howard Run Rua R sell |