Show BILL NYES ADVENTURE Describing the Indignity Inflicted Upon Him by a Nefarious Individual Yesterday I had a personal conflict of a bitter and acrimonious nature with an unknown person on my grounds at Staten Island I desire to speak of it myself rather than have the matter get into the papers in a garbled state I live ill a quiet portion of the island just within sight of the Produce Exchange Ex-change tU7cr but beyond the reach of the night air of New York Here we have civIiiz etion on the one hand and the wild whojp of Buffalo Bills savages on the other Just near enough to make it exciting I did uoc think I would be atjuoed here by peddlers beggars and fakirs I Yesterday a plain sad man rung the door bell He told my representative that he desired very much to meet me and presented his card The name was not familiar to me but I put on my other coat and invited him into the cold cold parlor to which I invite people who do not come highly indorsed in-dorsed He was rather quiet and sad in spots I sympathized with him for I know what it is to be sad He had a letter of introduction he said from a wellknown literateur ando and-o ntrere of mine which he begged leave to present I read it It introduced intro-duced the bearer in the usual form and begged me to treat him kindly and stated that any favor shown to him would be gladly reciprocated I then told the stranger that we had a pleasanter pleas-anter room than that and I would be glad to have bm come in and sample it Now said I touching an electric bell and ordering a large watermelon what can I do for you Would you like to visit the Womans Exchange or would you rather gio yourself up to an afternoon with iuc nr Vanderbilts tomb I He said that he ih 1 rot wish to take up my lime He hid only called on a matter of business and would not detain de-tain me but a moment He then drew from its concealment somewhere abont his person the prospectus for a subscription sub-scription book and before I could stop him had said We purpose in this work to treat of every thing that people peo-ple want to know about It has statistics statis-tics in it but they are so presented that yon like them You read along down the long columns with the ke nest n-est enjoyment There is a thread of interest running through these tabulated tabu-lated statements which make you sit up until long after 9 oc ock reading them All the book is socked full of interest and thrill and yet it would not harm any one to read it That is not all It is reliable Ev ry remark in it is backed up by statements It comes just at a time when every one is doubting the authorship of other books and gives to one and all a feeling of confidence and assuarance when faith is wavering and the reader groping and clutching for something tangible and stable This is essentially a stable book It tells how to break colts how to treat cribbers botts and army worms how to bring up children and put down huckleberries how to treat a setting ben during convalescence con-valescence how to make a cook stove or a cistern pump draw how to write for the papers how to keep ants out of the pantry how to make parents self supporting how to put up a lambrequin lambre-quin or put down a carpet how to purify politics or make floating islands how to modify the tariff or make a good durable style of pork brine that will not swell lIke a delayed autopsy of dog days how to make molasses candy or speak a piece how to tell by a pigs melt In the fall whether we are going to have an open winter or not how to bank up a house how to win the affection affec-tion of the opposite sex how to meet an emergency how to make ink at home which will speak for itself how to dye a dress black how to remove lavender pantaloons from fruit stains how to sew up a man who has tried to run a colored german hints on hen culture cul-ture hints on voice cultuie hints on marriage farming revivals etiquette how to make a good palatable poultice what ta do in case of drowning how to make one dandelion root serve as the foundation for a gallon of bitters every spring for ten years bow to amass wealth and dodge the grand jury how to snare a grizzly beer In fact everything every-thing you want to know told in a pleasant pleas-ant style for 3 50 It was at this time that the personal encounter took place I am not a muscular man but my arms and legs extend in every direction when I am excited They ere longer and more lithe than those of the average man An artist from Munich once told me that he thought I was the limblest man he ever saw and he had seen a great many men 1 did not permanently disfigure this person but I jolted him severely and contused and concussed him in three or four places after which he went away After he had gone I became mere calm I retired to my dressing room where my valet turned my cufis for me I then returned to the parlor On the floor I found the prospectus It had been left by mistake I was cooler now I took it up and read the name of the author on the titlepagE It was as fellows Bill NyeNew York World |