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Show PEP! A Saving Nature McTavish was the proud owner of a new cash register. One day when an old friend came into the shop and bought a sixpenny cigar, the customer noted that McTavish pocketed the money instead of putting put-ting it into the drawer. "Why not ring it up?" he asked. "You'll be forgetting it." "Oh, I'll no forget it," replied the Scot. "Ye ken I keep track in my head until I get a dollar, an' then I ring it up. It saves the wea-r and tea-r on the machine." Just like a Man My husband is wonderful in one respect," remarked a wife at a luncheon. "He never, never says 'I told you so.' " "But of course," she added, after a pause, "he reminds me very frequently fre-quently that he doesn't." MIND READER General Smith and Colonel Baker were walking down the main street of the army camp and, of course, met dozens and dozens of enlisted men. Each time the colonel saluted, sal-uted, he'd mutter under bis breath, "And the same to you." Curious and a little irritated, the general asked, "Colonel, will you tell me why you persist in saying that?" And the colonel answered, "I was an enlisted man once myself and I know what those joes are thinking." r iows His Stuff "Farm products," complained the customer, "cost a good deal more than they used to." "Sure, they do!" agreed Farmer Jones. "When a farmer has to know the botanical name of what he is raising and the zoological name of the insect that eats it, and the chemical name of what kills, it, somebody's got to pay." SMART BUSINESS "Well, Uncle Joe," the real estate es-tate man said to an old Negro who had just paid the last installment on a small farm. "I'll make you a deed to the farm now it's been paid for." "Boss," the Negro replied, "If it's all de same to you, I wish you'd give be a mo'gage to de place." The surprised real estate man protested that Uncle Joe didn't seem to know the difference between be-tween a deed and a mortgage. "Well, mebbe not," said the Negro. "But I owned a fahm once an' I had a deed an' de Fust National Na-tional Bank had a mo'gage, an' de bank got de fahm!" Fragile A woman was mailing the old family Bible to her brother in a distant city. The postal clerk examined ex-amined the heavy package carefully, care-fully, shook it and inquired if it contained anything breakable. "Nothing but the Ten Commandments," Command-ments," she replied. Horse Meat Diner "I'm hungry enough to eat a horse!" Waitress "You certainly came to the right place." Sclf-Scrvice Too many of use conduct our lives on the cafeteria plan self service only. OH, BABY! A fisherman got such a reputation reputa-tion for stretching the truth that he bought a pair of scales and insisted in-sisted on weighing every fish he caught, in the presence of a witness. wit-ness. One day a doctor borrowed the fisherman's scales to weigh a new - born - baby. The baby weighed forty-seven pounds. l |
