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Show 4' WOMAN'S EXPONENT. V 1 PACTS AND FIGURES. r PRESIDENTIAL ASPIRANT. --A II 111 J I cgaiiat office in bo th - 7 ;.r. the ncift of tho POO- -,j highest o pie. If ever I am called Our present Chief : The piano was invented lf" years ago. The " Fat Contributor" thus humorously Magistrate," it won't be a cinex magisiraie H him-$claims for the -- Presidency of ofpresentsbotJeing JioxxKuVtentofHiaveeost puts forth-h- tis :', i 11 aOO. tne unnea orates. lie snouiut run wen ing presence anyhow, there would probably The new style of artificial flower is called his adolescent adipose does not impede his be few presents that I could command. -What f$w natural gifts I may have, how" cinders de Chicago. v ; ' :. ''.v- '''.'. Ky speed : The hour (has arrived. I can hesitate no ever, I shall endeavor to retain. They are IN England wedding rings are required to be made 22 carats fine. longer. The highest interests of the nation hot worth making any fiiss about. I am not only in favor of woman's rights. No less than 085,000 sewing machines demand that I present myself as a candidate for President of the United States. I have but of woman's rights and lefts. I am in ) were :made in America last year. waited for some one else to bring" ine out, favor of women voting providing they vote Mention is made of umbrellas in Chinese but in the multitude of candidates no one for me. I see no reason why a woman books printed more than 1,500 years ago. seems to have thought of me. And I don't should not hold an office, except, perhaps, Glass bottles were made in England about think much of myself ; but a man don't the diflicultyljof getting 1558, but the art was practised by the Ro want to be much of himself to be a candidate should there be any bar to a woman's mans in 7U, A. J). for President now a days. If he had anv and supporting the family lies d outset at the would think very if she wants to. PNE person is born in London every five of himself time he got through little I may be asked how I would treat the Inminutes, and another dies' every seven minbjthewith' the eanipaignVdians. I wouldn't treat" them at all. They utes in 'tlwfgihplty -I am one of hE1feetreafid3Eni grinder has a of the boys. I therpeo came fronr and up bank account of $10,000 and shows no dis obscurity, My private opinion, however, is that it will a his lucraiiyeprofes-sion- . I have brought up good deal of obscurity be a treat when there isn't an Injun left. position to retire-fro' with me. I never had any politics-- " I stand - by the old constitution that has . . much else. I am Liberal" to a fault, and been tried. Few men have tried their con The first daily naner established iriTW to receive votes from any quarter, al- stitution more than I have tried mine. I to have been published in 1702 ready lad is though I am not ready to give quarters for accept f hTamehdmentsVvery o oy juizabetii Pallet. It was called the votes. rWhen it comes to amends, I am ready to " Laily Courant." As for a platform, suit yourself, gentle- shout " amen" as loud as anybody. There are but three farms in Massaehu- - men. The lecture would probably I understand there is an ambitious man setts having over 1,000 acres of land one of suit me as well as platform other. Having stood named GeorgeVrancis Train, who aspires to any them is in Bristol, one in Dukes and one in upon nearly every platform in the West, it be President on his promise to free Ireland. Norfolk county. would be hard for you to get up one I could I engage not only to free Ireland but make not stand on. 7r Irish whisky free in the bargain. I shall at first played at the Ilaymarket I am the special friend of the laboring least be able to tie George Francis in the Theatre, Lonin was don, 1770, recently' revived"- in that man. No one likes to see a man work bet- popular vote unless one of us is kept away ter than I do. In fact, I had rather see a from the polls. Hang it f I could tie the city, but with poor success. The' 'State. of Florida lias 58,208 square man work than work myself. I am not Davenport brothers ! 1 shall inaugurate a wholesale miles, while Pennsylvania has only 40,000. only averse to working more than eight emancipaIts situation resembles that of but I am opposed to working a single tion business as soon as I am hours, and it Italy, inaugurated. No ! is estimated that it can hour I even work shan't for my election, goods retailed at the White House when I supports large a leaving that for the men w ho want the of- am President. I engage to emancipate the , population. " fices. women from the thraldom of fashion, to THE Oatskill tX. V Sfnnnfofn IfAHc am in favor I of the national debt. give the M boys" their rights, and abolish paying stands 3,000 feet aljove the Hudson, and It is in fact the only debt I am in favor of the custom which excludes children in arms irom the front Ijalcony a view extending over about 10,000 square miles can be had paying. And rather than not see it paid from the elevating and purifying influences on a clear day. during my administration I will pay it out of the theatre. I have pledged myself to my own pocket. iree ireiana and to free postage; to free The ixpulation of Europe at the present ofIn matter the of civil service reform I in housekeepers from the tyranny of servant time is three hundretl and forty millions. tend to do civil the the nation if girls ; free pews, free passes, and free hootthing by It has doubled within a centurj-- . Tho Uni- the nation does the civil Beme. ers. To free soil, to free tickets to shows, thing by ted States doubles its populatien quar- ing civil is so rare a condition now a every ter of a century. days in free drinks, free press, and "J. N." Free. the varied walks of Ufa (to say nothing I trust I am not making myself too free. '.'Avery curious map is in the Galerie d' about the runs) that reform is urgently calApollon, in the Louvre. It represents led lor. F'rance in the 'time of Iouis XIV,, and is Retrenchment is my motto. If you can't . A Brutal Spanish Proclamation.---Th- e Madrid correspondent of the " Indepencomposed of various colored marbles, like put a retrenchment plank in the platform " Horentine mosaic. put in a board. I am ready to work with- dence Beige" states Hthll General Buceta, i 11 Mr. Julius A. Sumner, of Akron, Ohio, out any salary, but I shall insist upon my assnming command of the troops at Malaga, addressed them in the following most reclaims to bo the first man to ride on a board. car in the United States ; that he I am rather inclined to Free Trade, pre- markable terms : Soldiers, I am informed sailed on the first steamboat oa Lake ferring to feel free to trade wherever I that the inhabitants of Malaga may jM?rhaps Erie, and built the first rolling mill andtnail fac- please, but if a Tariff plank is to attempt an insurrectional rising in connecnecessary tory in Ohio. my election, put it in. I shall not get on a tion with the election ; in this case, dohot r Tar-if- f -1 1 -ZI ain't elected. : suppose mat 1 snail send you Into the street are atMuskegon, Pledge me as stroner as vou dIohsa tn ihn to obtain possession of the barricades. No Michigan, most of which doubled their capacity last winter, and are now running day Temperance men. The temperance pledge we shall march out of the city, and fmm thence the artillery will destroy it. Wo and night; with two gangs of hands. The won't hurt me one bit. r No relative shall hold ofiice, no matter shall then return and march through its daily lumber-produ- ct of Muskegon will be whose relation he may be. I shall about 2,000,000 feet, besides lath. ruins, which will bestrewn with corpses. v appoint no quarter be given ; I won't have Let uuue uut oiu pacneiors. ch idifts wiinTvo It requires five millions of men, half a and any orphans. Any man who has a relation prisoners made, as they might manage to million of horses and eight thousand cannon, maintained at an annual expenso of in the world need not apply for an office un- escape. I wish that you may be able to der my administration. I have a few rela- say : General, I have killed so many men seven hundred .millions of dollars to pre- tives of serve the peace of Europe. This is exclumy own, holding office now, but they Without making a single prisoner.' My u" j'rompuy KieKea out as soon as I opinion is that to hold in check one-hai e 01 me cosi of of fortsarsenals, ships, wa- ameiectea. the brother-in-laOne is it to population, kill has a necessary gons, tents, hospitals, etc, etc. the little other ca-- office on the half. to I in river. He the speak name you must of Switzerland is said to be theonly coungive it the national on luiru cousin Sovereign." uP; my neighbor's side try in Europe where more money is spent drinks too much and gets office um vuumuuu man on tne army. The edu- foot I shall giveoccasionally, him to quit An-e- 5 notice cational budget is two millions of francs A woman, at Pittsfield, Mass., a few while the military expenses remain below after Pokering George ago, took a photographer to the tomb A days xrnnH rTn hi that sum; yet, when needed, the little rewhere the body of her deceased brother You see I am determined to reduce and the public can raise an army of 20O,00Q men stood the corpse up against lay they tho ve xeutu expeases of the Government door and took Its -r a tiJ" m - 1 T" T" ' -- ; r, -- aceU-muhitingprope- self-regar- i m ' " ' ; - 1 ' ias-seng- There 22-gaw-m- ' ' er ills : lf w d Si10? . portrait rty ."Mr -- |