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Show CSJIipUS Forum April 1, 1994 Student Suffers From Delusions Of Grandeur Li I ' " ' Cheri Suing em up Forum Staff Writer - Westminster student Jeremy Smith claims to have had a dra-made revelation. Smith was hit by lightning at 3 p.m. last Tuesday while standing in Tanner Plaza. ve seen the light, luminescent as the stars above, sent upon me like an angel that said, You, Jeremy said Smith. Smith, are God Wendy Thompson said, The clouds moved in rather suddenly and rain began to fall, Everyone took cover but Jeremy, He seemed to be disoriented. Smith was hit by a one million volt bolt of lightning directly to his head. Student Melissa Nisaonger saw the lightning flash from inside Shaw Center. I rushed out of the building to see if anyone had been hurt. When I saw it was Jeremy, I ran to his side. He was vomiting in- something ferocious. My first stinct was to revive him, but he turned and spit at me yelling I am God, hear me roar, Nisaonger said. Smith was rushed to Holy Cross hospital, where he received medical care and was admitted for two days. No physical injuries were evident (except for several holes in his earlobe) but Smith is currently being treated for what might be severe mental damage. Since the accident, Smith has been seen frequently in the mis- sionary position mumbling chants. It is perfectly clear to me and my followers that indeed my essence is of God. ,1 will not accept this notion of denial among those who choose to sin against me and take my name in vain, Smith said. Accounting major Amy Frib- erg said, I knew that he thought he was pretty hot stuff before the acci-- I dent, but I think J eremy has taken it a little too far. Psychology professor Janine Wanlass said, I fear Smith is fering from delusions of grandeur. if he doesnt stop trying to baptize students in the fountain, he will have to be sedated. I have already Northwest FoodQffers Free Bagels, Sodas To Students Many more popular garden burger. great things are ahead. Walker said with a smile. In appreciation for the student body, . Walker is hoping that the free bagels Food and Northwest soda will encourage the students who the management of Source has announced that free bagels have been afraid, urn, unable to come into and soft drinks will be available to stu- - NWFS to do so. She wants all of the dents Tuesday, Jan. 29 through Friday, Westminster community to see what she affectionately calls her baby, has to offer. April 1. Those interested in receiving their We feel that because of the great support given by students, we need to free bagels just need to show their student express our thanks. And the best way to ID card and sing the first verse from any do this is by offering them some of our of the top 10 sitcoms from the 1978-7- 9 over seven varieties of bagels and won- - season. I again want to thank students for derful selection of cool and refreshing ' their patronism. I want them all to come in drinks, said Leri Walker, manager. Northwest Food Services has been at and partake of the goodies we are offering, Westminster for one year now, and during Oh, and while they are here they might their stay have introduced such tasty con- - want to try one of our tasty yet reasonably coctions as worth the wok and the ever- - priced lunch specials, Walker said. Little Lord Brian Forum Staff Writer j 1 HP StTIPl I ( it IlllTTliriP KOD6 Jl g existed since the First building was erected on the Westminster campus. They are now filled with a complete, ing marijuana farm. A refinery for turn- ing hemp into usable oil was found in another part of the tunnels. A complete, paper mill was also discov- ered, as well as looms and cloth manufac- turing facilities. A side room contained a tea bagging and packaging facility and a library of books on the healing properties of marijuana. Numerous packages of tea with the logo, Genuine Mormon Tea, and the slogan, Good For What Ails You were taken into evidence along with reams of suspected hemp papier, bolts of hemp cloth and drums of hemp oil. Agents reported that the farm com- pollutants than gasoline powered engines, prises several acres with many hundreds they hadntbeen sufficiently modified to oftonsofmarijuanaplantsinvariesstages .eliminate the smell of burning hemp. of development. They report that the mari- Federal and local narcotics agents juana is some of the most potent theyve arrived on the scene. They were ever discovered in the State of Utah. Ap- interested in discovering where the golf parently a high THC content results in a cart people obtained the oil to fuel their high oil yield. vehicles. No one was talking, but a search To date there have been no arrests. warrant was oRained, and after searching Some of Westminsters more prominent the campus agents discovered a secret environmental activists are suspects in entrance to a labyrinth of underground the case. ATF agents expect to make some tunnels. These tunnels apparently have arrests shortly. The Environmental Protection Agency arrived on campus last Thursday in re- -, sponse to numerous complaints. Over the last several weeks, the EPA has logged close to 100 telephone calls from the West- minster area concerning a smell permeat- ing the area The smell has been described and similar to the sickening-swee- t, of burning ropeorbuming weeds. EPA agents fanned out over the cam- pus, sniffers in hand. They soon discov- ered the source of the the smell. It came from the much maligned golf carts driven the golf cart people. Further investi- gation revealed that the carts had been modified and that they were now pro- EPA officials said pelled by hemp-oi- l. that while the engines emitted far less self-sustai- n- non-polluti- ng suf-Onlook- contacted the proper authorities, Dr Icaritella Lye agreeq with Wanlass and said that if Smithdoes not improve within the next two weeks, he will be admitted and condemned to the state hospital. er Westminster freshman Jeremy Smith has been found pulling some strange stunts njri fpT QllfP ICliaiiVC iVlalll TVT continued from Page 1 promises he made to plant more flowers and buy more lawn mowers. He just kind of flied through air, like Superman, ex- much less graceful, and landed in the of the fountain. Its so very sad, of the witnesses commented. one Yeah, it was real gross! He just landed with a splat, said another. I think that it is poetic justice, after all the littering he did on campus during campaign. I nearly killed myself on one of his posters, said yet another wit- ness. All of the maintenance and utility crew werequestionedanddeniedinvolve- sized skid marks were ment, but golf-ca- rt found at the scene of the death. Micro- scopic denim fabrics that match the pants Arveseth was wearing were found on the right front bumper of one of the carts. All evidence points to someone on the grounds and maintenance staff, since they are the only ones who have access to the carts, said Green. Because all of the support crew is under investigation," students have taken over the maintenance jobs, and the campus is expected to come to a grinding halt Student work will be especially difficult because the golf carts have been confis- cated, so students will have to transport theirtoolsof trade-- power drill kits, skill- - saws, light bulbs, ladders and sprinklers 4 by foot death of Arveseth, Green the Beyond feels that the real story lies m the recent disappearances of John Landis and Liz Peterson. These two events, which were first thought to be isolated occurrences, are now thought to be part of a masterplan spearheaded by the grounds and mainte- nance crew to rid Westminster s comfort- able little bailiwick of students harboring condescending attitudes toward people who work for a living, said Green. 4 spot has since been blown away by a freak bomb accident The circumstances involving the appearance of Peterson are equally turbing. After a late night spent in the dis-ce- pt dis-midd- le Forum office, searching through Bill Cosby andErmaBombeck books for ideas for her next editorial, she never returned home. Her family in Delta has not heard from her since the annual weekend trek to their house during spring break, which provoked insight as nnnthpr weekend trip could. There, she found herself flounder- ing for perspective and trying to recreate the chronology from there ... to here, Anyway, only one witness saw Peterson leave that night The witness, Lori Prawitt, who unfortunately is now incapacitated, muttered something about a giant inflatable egg before being carted off to a much nicer place, with clean, white walls. A dried blood sample, matching Peterson s type, was found in the tread of one of the wheels of a golf cart. This, and the fact thatPeterson sbackpack was found with tire imprints in it, have verified for police that all incidents are related. Jeff Brown, MamtenanceFacilities Staff and Teacher Certification Student, refused comment, but said, To my knowl- edge there has never been a single mishap involving a golf cart, snQwplow, tractor br any other campus vehicle. . Snowplows, tractors and other campus vehicles are now being examined for. anything .suspicious or out of the ordinary. .. ; Green is unsure of exact motives or circumstance involving the death and dis-a- s appearances, but is confident that an swer lies with the employees on the grounds and maintenance crew, All other possibilities have been exhausted, Green said. Our efforts have led us to one conclusion. This is defi-b- y nitely an inside job. There is just no way - an-sm- ell ThedisappearanceofLandisoccuired two weeks ago under strange circum- stances. He and two of his friends were around it. An excavation of the campus to find sitting down by Emmigration Creek when Landis remembered he had left some- - the bodies of Landis and Peterson will thing in his car. His friends watched as begin next week. Investigators are still Landis disappeared up the hill. This was questioning the grounds crew to see if it the last they saw of their friend. wasaonemanjoborif everyone wasinon it. Green expects a break in the case Upon investigation, it was discovn within a week and promises to keep car. it his made to ered that Landis never The only sign of something being wrong, dents posted. This is something one would expect according to his friends, was the slight purr of a motor, perhaps belonging to one in a large university like my alma matter of a small fleet of.silent, up the hill, Green said. But not at a matvehicles. Further inspection into the small, intimate place like Westminster. I ter has revealed there were signs of golf- - personally vow to get to the bottom of this cart tire sized skid marks on the bridge so that life at this great, socially active near where Landis was last seen. This school will get back in order. stu-soo- . non-polluti- ng , |