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Show February 14, Page 6 1986 features orsome Tests Love Potioims e to henna. I ended up would be with a very uncomfortable rash but I do have a lovely new hair color, all over my body. Eating a raw egg straight from the shell is said to greatly enhance love. I found the thought of this thoroughly disgusting but since Sylvester Stallone had done this in Rocky (and we know how many offspring that has spawned) I decided I would give it a try. While I didnt notice any real improvement while having sex, I did thrill my partner when I got up at the crack of dawn, perched on the headboard and crowed. My next endeavor was with animal parts. There has been a great deal written about goat and ram testicle and the eye of a hyena. None of these worked very well for me. I was too bruised after trying to obtain the testicle of a ram to even consider having sex and have you ever tried to pick someone up with a goat testicle around your neck? Not only does it look unattractive but that smell! As for the hyena eye, none of the bars that I used for my research one. carried them so I had to pass Seafood has been proclaimed as an aphrodisiac by many cultures because of its high phosphorous content. According to my research, phosphorous increases sexual desire in both men and women with the best seafood being oysters. I tried fixing a fabulous candle-ligh- t dinner with oysters and found that it did increase sexual desire for my date and I. However, kissing someone who has just eaten oysters is not pleasant. You can never be quite sure if that is your dates tongue or something left nver from dinnpr hyper-sensitiv- by Blaine For some Editor's Note: In an issue of the Forum pubjust before Valentines Diy last year, lished Staff Reporter Cynthia Jones wrote an article outlining several types of aphrodisiacs. This year Staff Columnist Blaine Foresome criaphrotiques several of the better-know- n disiacs. Desire: the elusive and all too often uncontrollable urge that men and women have tried to regulate with a myriad of substances throughout time. The substances they have used to arouse desire, aphrodisiacs, range from the common to the bizarre. After readin about aphrodisiacs last year in the Forum, I set out on a quest to see which aphrodisiacs actually worked. Although this task was filled with a certain amount of personal danger, I felt it was necessary since there was little written on the subject of the effectiveness of aphrodisiacs. I began with the natural aphrodisiacs. Henna, a tropica plant native to India is said to enhance and increase the duration of love. n in this country for adding Henna is I to heard that Indians rub had hair. highlights the powdered leaf on various parts of their bodies, including their heads, fingertips and well-know- feet. I couldnt see any purpose in putting henna on those parts of my body, since that wasnt where I wanted the effect to be. I also didnt imagine that some areas of the human body on-thi- s The next category of aphrodisiacs that I tried were the chemical ones. The most commonly 'used one being alcohol. Small doses of alcohol are very helpful for relieving inhibitions and for giving you a very healthy-lookin- g glow. But alcohol has two major problems. First, as Shakespeare so appropriately said, It increases the desire but lessens the performance, Second, it tends to make any creature look like a ten until the morning after when you are left with a hangover and something related to The Thing in bed with you. Another chemical aphrodisiac that is gaining in popularity is amyl nitrite, better known as poppers. Poppers dilate blood vessels and cause art incredible head rush. My research suggested that they were best when inhaled at the peak of pleasure to intensify orgasm. I found it a big inconvenient to stop just before climax to search around the bedroom for my bottle of poppers, but well worth the effort. t Poppers have their dangers however. Some users have experienced side effects ranging from fainting and headaches to extreme drops in blood pressure. Another problem with poppers is that the Utah Legislature outlawed them several years ago after hearing that they were widely used by homosexuals. Basically though, most aphrodisiacs work on a psychological basis. And proper rest and diet combined with a sincere desire are the best aphrodisiacs available. Happy hunting. : ; The Westminster Players Present PIAY IT AGAIN, SAM More excitement than a day at the zoo! More romance than a night on the town! And more laughs than the morning after both! by Debra Harris WARNING: THIS COLUMN CONTAINS SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES. ANY PERSON WHO DOES NOT WISH TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES, STOP IMMEDIATELY! IM NOT HERB... for have you heard? Herb, the perennial nerdski, is the height of subliminal advertising. No way you say? Listen up, butter cup . . . Burger King just as well display another huge sign on their windows that says, Eat Me Herb! (Besides, its more fun than a barrel of indistinguishable female backsides lurking in your favorite hootch bottle.) What will those in our legislature think of next? . . . Mr. Whipples a what? AMERICAN MUSIC Did you catch the American Music Awards a few weeks ago? What is Michael Jackson's Club or what? story? And did you see his date? None other than the Taylor? Lord have mercy, Liz . , . when are YOU coming out with your video? Imagine . . . the ns BORE-WARD- Fruit-of-the-Mon- th porcine-wond- FREE February 14 and 15 8 p.m. Jay W. Lees Courage Theater, Converse Hall Bring someone you love, or would like to! SCHOLARSHIP BLUES... For all of you, who for one inane reason or another, o session will missed the deadline, a be held in the corner of the furnace room in the basement of Shaw. After all, we are ADULTS... we should take care of business. So, if theres not a dry eye in the house-...sen- d your contribution to the Forum office or ta-t- a Titters. (And just when we were getting so chummy.) DEAD MANS PARTY... Grab your Mexican radio and get the far side of crazy cause its a dead mans party. (For you ... no, not the Gratefuls.) Its the biggest concert of the year...Oingo Boingo and Wall of V oodoo. Wowie Zowie ... I smell a subliminal' her?. But just think... now you can sue groups for making you do things you might never otherwise do. So, the minute you even start to feel a twitch of Boingo or desire a bit of ...run to your nearest lawyer. We know those devils made you do it QUICKIES: Did Mark Hoffman ever work for Morton Thiokol?...just wondering. Should Ayds diet candy change its name? Clint Eastwood running for mayor of Carmel, California??? Can Donny Osmond be next? . . . From inversions to thunder snow dumps... I love this weather and I wont move to Texas, thank you very much because I want to be a- cowboy of the spiritual kind...Khomeni declares war! On caviar no less. J ust try to get your hands on his fish eggs . . . Must be a slow week in the Persian wonderland. No more smuggling Beluga taped to your chest . . . Ever try to turn left on a yellow light lately? Forget it! From a half block away the oncoming driver will speed up just to hit you or blow razzberries . . . Try it. Works your way after a near-mis- s every time... No, I wont be your valentd boxer ine... its those dandy shorts youre sporting. Nothing personal, of course. PARTING SHOT: When is the Plane-dom- e Hotel going eondo? boo-ho- non-tra- Ho-hu- heart-splashe- s' - er on stage crooning We Are The World" with the best and the brightest! Will wonders ever cease in the land of lost marbles? - The perfect play for Valentines Day S: K X J f IX 4 ' ds |