| OCR Text |
Show * THE BOALTER & SNELGROVE, The HE JOKER. i rm (ees) So)! WEBER Box D. & 748. Main LS a Painless extraction of Teeth by the use of vitalized air. Artificial Teeth, $10 to $15 per set! No. 64 W. Second South St., bet. Tribune and Opera House. | provo Go-Operative [nst’a, The Largest Institution South of Salt Lake. all Kinds of Utah Produce. The ladies who “proposed to’can consciousness by in thier ears that joking. Orders by Mail Promptly Attended to. A Yankee has to swim in hot such success that eggs. Who says of improvment. away Bobby, I am going to plant my foot down,” said the lady of the house in wrathful tones.“‘What, yer going PROVO i ele oh And Building Co. Wholesale and Retail Dealers in Lumber, Lath, Shingles, Doors, Windows, Blinds and Mouldings, . Wire and Slat Fence and all kinds of Building Material. All Goods Sold at Salt Lake W. RH. PROVO CITY, Prices. PAXMAN, Supt. UTAH. HENRYF. CLARK, THE TAILOR, 29 E. First South Street. ¥ flalifornia Fruit Store, FRED G.. LYNGBERG, Propr. Groceries, Provisions, Foultry, Fish, Game and Fresh Oysters in Season. 53 EH. Second South St., . Opp. the old place. Telephone No.68. interrogated the _-|man of the house from behind his Lumber, Manufacturing Combination corn?’ & SALT LAKE CITY. \ FRED G. LYNGBERG. A really picturesque hat on a really picturesque head is something to remember, says a fashion writer. Certianly it is, and so is a picturesque black eye over a badly swollen nose. “Doctor, I have come to see you about my little boy.” ‘What ails him?’ “One leg is shorter than the other, and he limps. Now what {would you do in such proceeded to remove a case?” I think I should limp, too.” It issaid that a baby can wear out a pair of kid shoes in 24 hours. This is pretty fast work, but an ordinary baby can do much better. It can wear out the patience of an |average bachelor in about seven | minutes. : : Two gentlemen passing a_blackberry bush when the fruit was unripe, one said it was ridiculous to call them blackberries when they were red. ‘Don’t you know,” said his ferind,“ that blackberries are always red when they are green.” The doctor of a lunatic asylum |was in the bath-room one day | watching a number of his patients bathe,when one of them called out suddenly, ‘“Let’s duck the doctor!” The cry was taken up at once, ‘Lets duck the doctor!’Seeing his dan-| ger, the doctor, with great promptitude said,“ All right, boys; but suppose, now, you give the doctor a cheer before ducking him.” This |reasonable proposition was at once acceded to, and a ringing cheer resounded through the building, which at once brought the keepers as the doctor expected, and he was saved. , too. [ve got a string tied with me,” mutton. stay in the busy mind. I became even bold enouch to think of putting on some of my clothing stairs for a match. and going down I turned from the table, but asI did so I struck the loose leg of it in such a way as to throw it out of place. A _ crash of glass announced to me that as the table had toppled over the lamp had been destroyed. ‘“What’s that? Who’s voice, as of some one there?” waking in The fright, came from the corner farthest from the door. My first impulse was to run out of the room, ally wrong. but my I am first impulse is usunaturally unlucky. The thing I would do most naturally is the thing most likely to bring me misfortune. I have, therefore, habituated myself to doing just what my impulse tells me not todo. But for this I should have been dead long ago. . ‘‘Ah,” said the voice more must. have fallen asleep.” calmly, “1 This reassured me. “Who are you?” I asked, and the sound of my own voice seemed to put courage irto my heart. ‘‘What are you doing here?”I added before my first question could be answered. ‘Tam Mr: Statistic, and I have been waiting here for you since supper time.” ‘I do not recognize you by your name,” I said, ‘‘and I cannot recognize you by your face, since I cannot see it.” ‘‘Well,” said he, ‘‘it doesn’t matter. We can talk as well in the dark.” ‘““What do you wish to talk about?’ I asked. ‘I want to prove to you that I am not crazy. The world says I am insane; but it is the world, not I, that has lost its reason. I am sound. That is why everybody ‘is trying to kill me. They ut poison in my food, they lay snares or me, they shoot at me, and send de- mons to torment me, merely because they are jealous of my sanity. But I-fight them off, and one of these days, when I feel just like it, Iam going to kill them all off; and I’ve got a big knife right here in my belt and a pistol in my pocket, and as all over me—enough to kill everyoO 5 ae é My tear was now of a tangible sort. Ghosts and goblins flew away and a real human being, with implements of death many elements West Virginia of National Diana. Jule Baker isthe wife of Joan Baker, and lives near the mouth of Black Water fork. She can handle a Winchester to I said. ‘‘Couldn’t with the dexterity and pre- cision of Old Leatherstocking, and dreds of deer and bear hun- have fallen vic- tims to the unerring bullets from her rifle. Bob Eastman says he saw her plunging down the mountain side through six inches of snow one day, with two rifles and a bear trap strapped to her back and’ followed by six dogs. She ran three miles toa point where she of seven children. few months ‘‘And yet,” said I, ‘‘thereare fools who : ¥ 4 : 2,100,000,000 ox x months! How : ‘‘There you are,” said he, triumphantly; ‘there you are! The women of our generation spend 175,000,000 years frizzing their hair. Now, how old is this earth.” “Some geologists say 9,000,000 years.” ‘“‘How many generations in that time?’ This was a rather difficult mental problem out. for even me, but I worked I did so, and made ‘“‘There, sir,” said 45,000,025,000,000 years frizzing their hair. Good night, sir; good night.” Turning at the door he said: “My name is Statistic, sir. I named myself. Just call for me when you want to know And anything. Mr. Statistic the stairs, while I Good night, sir.” clambered closed my ulled the bed up against ylde in Chicago Times. The A Spartans and door Hotel hotel Porter. porter in Chicago cratic tourist who makes his home at the Grand Pacific during his stay in Chicago is greeted on his arrival by a tall man of genteel appearance, who takes his big traveling bag with a Chesterfieldian bow and conducts him to the foot of the elevator. This man is John Culliton, the richest hotel porter in the world. Culli- ton $109,- is said to be worth more than 000, and lives in elegance on Park avenue. He prides himself on the memory of namesand faces, and knows every public man in America who has chanced to stop at the Grand Pacific hotel. He is always posted on the railway time tables and is prepared to give his opinion readily on the amusements in the city. Like-his contemporaries, who enjoyed the profits ef ticket. scalping: before that. business became a specialty and was controlled by agents, he made an independent fortune and continually added to-it. He has ten assistants, who receive $60 a month each and their board.— Chicago News. Only One Way, A newsboy who honored the grallery by his presence ata performance of Coquelin and Hading at the Opera house, and had». rather a wearisome time of it, was accosted on coming out of the theatre by a companion, who asked him whether he ‘liked the show.” ‘‘No,” he replied, ‘*you can't understand them unless you come in a ‘carriage.’ — Philadelphia Ledger. Jas. W. Eardley, Lumber Dealer. 340 8. First East Street, half block north of 8th Ward Square. of men in Miss Hannah Billings alone but of the Keeps constantly on hand a full stock of touch the opinion nations, music wassuchanengine. ‘‘It is music,” said the Spartans, ‘‘which distinguishes the brave man from the coward.” ‘A man’s music is the source of his courage.” It was their music which enabled Leonidas and his three hundred to conquer at Thermopyle. It was music which taught the Spartan youths how to die in the wrestling ring or on the field of battle. These claims are audacicussurely. Yet, when we consider how the rhythmical tread of -the brave man differs from shamble ° and it.—Ben means of training agitated is one Music. the understaiding: and the A dollar, she who has not the distinction of being the oldest man in the business, yet he is undoubtedly the wealthiest...The aristo- down as the ordinary not Prosperous There The favorite problem of thinkers and teachers, since thought began, has been to find some engine of ecucation which should reach the character as effectually many, silver he, as he rose to go, ‘that’s what I wanted to show you. wanted you to know‘that up _ to date the women of this world have spent 45,000,025,000,000 She is not pretty. ago, for a carried a valise weighing over 100 pounds seven miles for an engineer. It is said that on one occasion sne carried a sewing machine fron Grafton to her home, a distance of sixty miles.—Baltimore American. it ‘‘About 257,143 generations,” I said. ‘‘Now multiply that by the number of years one generation uses—175,000,000.” years. . woman, very industrious, with a heart as large as her foot, and she is the mother you it light. Ican bring the sun right into this room, and stand it up there in the air. Now, you see. There! Don’t you see how light it is now?” I had to see it. I should probably have had a knife run right through me if I had not. “And not are courage.—The law to protect deer, but it is not observed. Out of season venison is called mountain will make out the articles of agreement.” ‘I can see now. I can see in the dark. And that isn’t all lean do. Teas mate in vain for one with which to light my yearsis that?” — {last “cigar, arid had “finally takén “fire |” many “It is 175,000,000 years.” from the cigar of a man I had met: on hand on every square, one after another, to tion are Bob Eastman, Jule Baker, a woman, and Louis Chidester. There isa call you crazy?” ‘“‘Yes, sir; there are. That’s what I I was nearly ready for bed when I came up here to talk about. I want to thought I heard a noise as of some one show you how sanelam. Now, listen a breathing heavily. I stood very stilland |. minute. How long do you say it takesa listened as best | could against the to friz her front hair?” thumpings of my frightened heart. Yes, woman ‘“‘About ten minutes.” I heard breathing, and the breather was ‘“‘At what age does she begin to friz in my room. I am never too courageous in the dark, her hair?” her. mother : usually begins to not even when my nerves are calmest. do ‘““Well, it up over her finger or in papers when There is always a feeling in my soul that is about a year old,” I replied. some were deter creature is close behind she“Exactly. now,a woman frizzes me. I often feel his warm breath on the her hair everyWell, day, doesn’t she?” back of my neck, and when I do not I ‘I think she does.” have the same feeling that he is there— courseshe does. And the average impalpable, unassailable as the thin air, life‘“‘Of of a woman is?” but there just thesame. Now that my ‘‘About 35 years, I believe.” nerves were unstrung and my mind fa‘‘Precisely. Now, then, at ten minutes tigued with working over an intricate a day much time does one woman and elusive problem in mathematical spend how in thirty-five years frizzing her cryptography I was even less courageous than usual. The breathing went on. I made a hasty calculation and said: feared I should lose my reason. I seemed ninety days.” . transfixed where I stood. Nothing but ‘About ‘Yes, sir; that’s it.. Ninety days, three my heart moved, and ‘that pounded .so months. Now, how many women are loudly that I feared it would wake the breather; for I made no doubt that he there in this world?” ‘*A bout 700,000,000,” I guessed. was asleep, since his breathing was alee much is three times 700,000,most a light snore. . ?”” i I must find a match. I remembered ‘Tt is 2,100,000,000,” I replied. that I had felt through all my pockets until I was sure no match was there. This occupied my mind so fully that some of my fear was allayed. Fears do. there A come up to-morrove when it is light? We my the street. I drew hard at the stump, whichI still held between my teeth—for Lalways smoke myself to sleep—but it was out; out and cold. Softly asI could movein my stockinged feet I sneaked over to the table and made another search for matches. In my mind I laid the table top off in three inch squares, and then placed.my proxy every star and tothesun and mcon. I | thought a deer in full chase would cross, can do anything I want to.” ‘‘Well, you're just the kind of a man’ and she got there in time to see her husband kill] him. She is a big, black haired I've been wanting to take into partner- hair?” half an inch of his nose. : to plant worlds, by incitement Review. The most celebrated hunters of the sec- slid over to another part of the room. “T can move them and I can move : pand that 1eaus our. armies to the neid or SX battle nowadays is a scant survival of Spartan practice, yet even in this music ‘‘Just I must humor him. ‘Iam glad of that, and I wish you would come around tomorrow and see*me. I’ve got some mountains I want moved, and I’d be glad to give you the contract.” Then I ship I thought, and clothing. continued. and my brows are shaggy and long. That is the way I look now. Ican change myself, though. I can make myself eleven feet tall and stronger than Hercules or Samson. I can throw down buildings and carry mountains away.” ‘Tam glad of that,” I said, for surely It was some time after midnight when, weary with overwork and all a-flutter with nervousness caused by too close application to the task of smoking my twenty-five cigars a day, 1 climbed the rickety stairs of my tenement and opened the creaking door of my apartment on the top floor. In the dark | felt around on the table for a match. None was there. ‘“Well, I can goto bed without a light,” just taught ducks water, and with they laid boiled this is not an age like,” he five feet four inches tall, thin of features and very feeble. My eyes are steel gray MR. STATISTIC. pounds by simply alighting withen UTAH. F. W. C. HATHENBRUCK, Supt. Se pera what I look When her breath was as sweet on my cheek As the blossoms of orange she carried. We danced till folks said “twas bad taste, Since I was the fellow she married! —Boston Globe. faint on being be restored to just whispering you were only 1 began to think OT cun- .now I ama little, gray haired man, about When we went wildly whirling together. M NO PLACE LIKE HO A writer says that an ordinary beetle can draw twenty times his We have seen the own weight. insect move a man weighing 165 es CITY, 5 Zn papa’s busy.” Bobby, holding up his joined hands cup-wise---““Drop a penny in the hole, papa, and you'll see me go.” General Merchandise PROVO O LD Ne apienithg ODE Papa—“Now run —DEALERS IN— And Nee: There seems to be nothing which. a woman enjoys better than to stir up the dust in a room and let it settle again. ip Ph i Wi whl me. ning things todo. Every time I spoke I] quietly changed my location, so that if he shot at me or struck at me with his knife I should not be there. ‘“You cannot see me, so I must tell you I danced—so did she. Though I"ll swear, For a fact, that I hardly know whether I stood on my heels or my head City, Utah. DR.G.H. KEYSOR,| esse confronted WEDDING. I danced with as lightsomea step, With a face as unmoved as the next one; He must be a fatuous fool Who in crises like this could expect one, ‘Thougha tumult. were racing within, To betray to onlookers his passion? I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve— That sort of thing isn*t my fashion. SNELGROVE, St., Salt Lake HER Do you think that my courage would falter? ORGANS, r GCOALTER AT And none cou'd have guessed my emotion As I saw her a bride—her on whom I had lavished a lifetime’s devotion. I danced ct her wedding. Way not? Having lived through the scene at the altar, When the knot was tied fast for ell time, Lealers. Beit mn DANCED WEEKLY. I danced at her wedding last night, Salt Lake Music Esrry | FHE WESTERN MILLINERY GOODS Of the best quality and latest styles. LADIES’ HATS and BONNETS trimmed to order on short notice and at very reasonable rates. Place of business, a few doors west of ational Bank, PROVO CITY, UTAH. coward, how music is the art of human joy, and how joy and repose of mind are the main elements of manly fortitude, we shall at any rate admit that there is a strong affinity somewhere; our only difficulty will be to acknowledge that :music, deliberately applied, could ever be the direct cause of these reputed results. To achieve the end desired Spartan boys eet their youth. in learning tunes, ymns and songs; this was their sole mental culture. They were taught to dance and keep step to the measure of | the songsas they sang them. And, grown to manhood, now. perfect warriors, marched into battle with smiling faces, crowned with flowers, calm, joyful and serene, and, intoning their songs, moved steadily thus into the fight. undisturbed and thickest of irresistible. the The oe” “Home Industry Our Specialty.” Provo Co-Operative CLOTHING DEPARTMENT —)o:0(— FULL LINE OF HOME-MADE SUITS CONSTANTLY ON HAND. —)o:0(— Suits made to order. m : the celebrated Provo Woolen Mills Goods, samples of which are sent on application. Try a pair of our all-wool Cassimere Pants at $5. A. SINGLETON, Supt. |
