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Show editorial F.ditor in chief: Taylor S. Fielding Phone: 626-7121 SALT -AKE ZoT 99P 1 w. . Polls: trusted by more Americans It's a weird winter in America this year, with polls themselves being the only winners in the polls and the only source citizens trust to keep them informed of how rosy the state of affairs in the world really is. Despite qualifying statements to the effect of, "Sure he was wrong, but the economy is booming! And what exactly does 'under oath' really mean, anyway?", polls show President Clinton riding a career-high approval rating. One recent poll shows nearly three-quarters of Americans think Clinton is doing a good job and he should remain in office for the duration of his term. Twelve percent of the country, led by Sen. Jesse "Smoke 'em 'cause it's patriotic!" Helms (R-SC), has formally requested censure compounded by a public flogging. Another 5 percent switched long-distance carriers when asked their opinions on Clinton's carnal capers, 5 percent, were unaware 'President Joe' was in legal difficulty and the remaining 3 percent were engaged in active insurrection against the federal government. Where television and mass media are concerned, an overwhelming 90 percent of respondents to a Moral Majority questionnaire answered they would prefer their children to watch a pregnant woman being disemboweled in ritual effigy in front of an abortion clinic on national television than to have them watch a love scene between a husband and wife that contained partial nudity. The poll also revealed that Americans think sex is appropriate only in a monogamous, married relationship between two people of opposite gender while in different states. When questioned about what thev considered to constitute li Aaron Barnard "Notes in passing" "sex," questioners were tried, convicted and burned at the stake for beingSatan-worshippers. Americans proved themselves to be well-versed in matters outside the national arena as well. Six hundred and sixty-six people were interviewed randomly on the streets of major cities across the country. According to the results, it is unanimous that Americans really do not care about the effects of their behavior on the rest of the world, despite knowing the consequences of their actions. A full 95 percent of Americans polled approved of a national policy of genocide to indigenous people and cultures throughout the world, with the dissenting 59 percent making a broader statement by declaring that desire for the entire planet. Forty percent of respondents claimed "celestial origin" when asked their place of birth, followed closely at 38 percent by the answer "turkey with mustard" and the final 22 percent split evenly between "Have you seen the Star Wars trailer yet?" and "Where am I?" No strangers to exploration and experimentation, yet another poll found 63 percent of Americans think John Glenn makes the best breakfast cereal on the market.In addition, 58 percent fear that standards in school curriculum like reading, writing and basic math have fallen below an acceptable level. When asked to define ''ozone layer," 59 percent replied "the powdery stuff on top of the cookie in a Twix, under the caramel," while 27 percent responded that it's a lobby for oil interests in Congress whose membership is predicated on the number of cancer deaths in members' congressional districts. ' The remainder of respondants briefly expressed curiosity, but were then sedated and taken back to their rooms by a nurse. Don Janes, a research firm in Salt Lake City, conducted a local survey concerning state government and organizations. Those polled were taken completely at random outside the employees' entrances at the state capital and the Bureau of Land Management offices and recorded on camera to preserve their information and anonymity. There was found to be unanimous support for the government and its various divisions, especially the recently passed Proposition 5 and the proposed alignment of the Legacy Highway. Answers to questions involving knowledge of corruption, duplicity and incompetence met the across-the-board response "I'm sorry; no hablo espanol." It seems as though there are clear trends in the future of this nation which the pollsters cannot foresee, even with all their fancy analyses and think tanks, events which may actually unfold without formation or input of public opinion. This is to be avoided at all costs. In a recent poll, taken randomly and secretly, the American public replied they were a body to be reckoned with, in a slight majority over the second-place' choice of "blue with stripes." (To respond, write me at abarnardweber.edu. An d :ii a n ks for reading ! ) Candidates: more bang for your buck CO O Hard money, soft money, personal contributions, private and corporate donations, slush funds, donated services and "paid for by the committee to elect" whomever has enough dough to public political office. As spring approaches, Weber State University prepares for an event normally reserved for November: elections. As the national fervor over impeachment subsides, will we see a return to a controversy which has long since been washed away: campaign fund-raising rule violations and calls forreform? The GOP-led Congress was investigating Clinton and Gore long before Monica Lewinsky, Linda Tripp, a tape recorder and a stained blue cocktail gown arrived on the scene. There was much controversy over alleged attempts by the Chinese to influence the outcome of the 1996 Presidential election. But before the battle over where the lines should be drawn on campaign finance, as well as who, if anyone, stepped over those lines reached a fever pitch, many had been calling for years for some sort of reform. And yet the American political machine is still as money hungry as ever. Perhaps the GOP and Democrats should put aside their campaign finance reform fisticuffs for a moment and look west ward for a solution. Their gaze might come across WSU, where the amount of money that can be spent by those seeking elected Associated Students of Weber State University offices has been slashed. Slashed, in fact, by 50 percent.Under new election rules ratified by the ASWSU Senate yesterday, the maximum total amount a student seeking an executive office can spend is $350. The amount is broken down as follows: $100 from personal funds and a $200 donation limit for the primary elections. The remaining $50 is granted, should the candidate make it to the final elections. The amounts for senatorial seat candidates have been reduced as well, to $150 total up through the primary election with an additional $25 allocation for the final election. Since the college experience is to prepare students for real world experiences, perhaps there is hope that one day national campaign finance reform can and will be achieved. Some may criticize the senators who ratified the new rules, saying that they had it easy, getting themselves elected to office under "fat" campaign spending rules. The criticism is undeserved. The senators are doing their jobs, effecting change. The new rules will make it easier for some to run for office, while it forces all candidates to be fiscally responsible and conservative. Candidates will no longer be able to have "Monty Brewster" campaigns; they will simply have to find ways of getting more for their campaign finance buck. By Taylor S. Fielding editor in chief-The Signpost Recipient of tfie UPA General Excellence aviard Editor in chief Taylor S. Fielding 6267121 Managing editor Tyler A. Holt 6267614 News editor Kari Lynn Harland 6267655 Campus affairs editor Leo T. Din 6267659 Lifestyles editor Linda Loveland 6267624 Sports editor Joey Haws 6267983 Copy editor Angie Welling 6267507 A&E editor Debra Jandreau 6267621 Graphics editor Anne Gukeisen 6266358 Photo editor Zachary Williams 6267661 Advertising mngr. Rebekah Woods 6266359 Online editor Deanne Chaston 6267105 Secretary Georgia Edwards 6267974 Adviser Dr. Sheree Josephson 6266164 Publisher Dr. Kathy Edwards 6266559 Signpost FAX 6267401 'TheSignposi is published Monday, Wednesday and Friday during fat and winter semesters. Subscription is 59 a semester. The Signpost is a student publication, written, edited and drafted by Weber State University students. StucJjni fees fund the printing of this publication. Op inions or positions voiced are not necessarily endorsed by the university. The Signpost welcomes letters to the editor. Leuers must iiv.-Lde name, address, telephone number, relationship to staff and the writer's signature. 77i Sis'yy.-. ; reserves (he right loedit for reasons of space and libel and also reserves the right to refuse topr.ns any letter. Letters should not exceed 350 words. Bring letters to the editorial office in UB 27. orm.iil to: r5ti';ipo,VeberStateUniversity.OgdeaUtahSWS-2l 10. Attn Taylo: C. fielding. |