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Show PAGE FOUR WEBER HERALD J. S. Lewis Co. Jewelers Class Pins Class Rings Continuous Business Since 1849 Why not go to- JERRY'S The place where you can get good CANDIES Call at The Lighthouse For Anything Electrical Phone 581 2454 Wash Ave. Lessee. Soda Fountain and Candy Department at Wrights. Also Owner Alhambra Candy Shop Frank Sojourner Fine Home Made Candies OGDEN, UTAH. B. F. THOMAS PRINTER 2476 Was. Ave. Phone 147 JOHN J. SCHWARTZ Groceries and Notions School Supplies, Candy and Fruits 2234 Jefferson Avenue PHONE 1145-w Get Him a Coffin The King I must have gold, you imbecile. Cough up! Prime Minister But your majesty, the coffers are empty. Michigan Gargoyle. Satisfaction She No, I wouldn't think of marrying you and you'll find very few girls who will. Lew Ah but I'd be perfectly satisfied with a few. The Emergency Jack I think I'll go to a prom as a stag. Dox Why do that? Jack I haven't any doe. He Said Once said a spotted giraffe, Whose neck was a mile and a half, "My only delight is To have tonsilitis, But it hurts me like h 1 when I laugh." California Pelican. Don't Yfiu may call a man a rounder, He will smile, anil laugh it off; You may say that he's a plodder, He will grin, and loudly scoff; Yoti may launch a stream of Accusations at him without end; I'ut, don't ask him if he voted dry, Or you'll be out a friend. Yale Record, A Political View "What do you think of the two candidates for S. li. President?" "Well, the more I think of it the more pleased I am that only one of them can be clci -ted." M i higanGar-goylc. FOR. nSHOE FROM $7.50 to $12.50 A PAIR Clara's 2358 Washington Avenue Kid Ivoko sez: A little more criticism m,ight not hurt us. Not of a constructive nature, however. It's a lot easier for a child to inherit red hair than brains. Some of us have not recovered from the phenominal shot thrown by Prof. Terry in one of the basketball games.' Terry claims he did it by Geometry. Some quick thinking and estimating, we'll say. When a man fails he begins to believe in luck. Are we- right. K. George? Sometimes it's better to have loved and lost than to have loved and won. Speaking of puns, Eli, here's a good one: "Can Lew Fretwell?" Kid Koko sez: In reference to act II on the Senior Vaudeville "I know not where they got the eggs, That pelted me from lid to legs I know not where, but greatly fear, They were not laid this current year, And this I know, and freely tell, The hens that laid them were not well." I thank You. WHERE WE FAIL Editors seldom write the things they think. It doesn't pay. They simply write the things they think, other people think they ought to think. Kid Koko sez: . Xot mentioning any names, but rumor has it that the associate editor is making frequent visits to North Ogden. We also hear that her name sounds like a bunch of famjly residences. If our thoughts could be read, isn't it true that our faces would be redder? The Virtuous Vamp A Cereal WE NEED YOUR SA VINGS ACCOUNT Big or little, this bank wants your account, because we know that once started the little accounts will grow to our mutual advantage. We pay 4 per cent interest compounded quarterly and your principal is secure and the interest a certainty. Why not start today? A dollar opens a Savings Account here. H. C. BIGELOW, President OGDEN STATE BANK CAN YOU IMAGINE? Can you imagine Bob . Wilkinson not smiling? Can you imagine the Juniors not boasting of their past record? Can you imagine John Croft and Cora Mortenson playing the leading parts in the school play? Can you imagine Goldy Bingham singing without his artistic actions? Can you imagine Floyd Campbell the boy with "the skin you love to touch" having a shave? Can you imagine Beany Barnes taking active part in a Public speaking contest? Can you imagine Vern Pierce being polite with the young ladies? Can you imagine Dorothy Nicholos is a vamp? Can you imagine Elliott Wright without his important air and gestures?Can you imagine Helen Hinckley being the pride of John's heart? Can you imagine Theda Bara looking for a new job when Les F'outz steps on the screen? Can you imagine Velma Holmes missing a dance? Can you imagine Doc. Lind as a Wall Flower? Can you imagine Win, Z. dancing? Can you imagine Irma Cram being successful as a vamp? Can you imagine Oa Jacobs without some chap crazy over her? Mary. Stubbs was sixteen going on twenty and fair. That is fairly fair. All day long she stod in the lower hall of Weber and played low, weird; mejlodies upon the radiator. First she stood on one foot and then on the other and sometimes she stood on all of them. But the longer she stood there the less she could stand it, for the radiator, poor thing, became hot, even warm, at times, and Alary I vould feel embarrassed, like the Meth- odist deacon who sat on the Stove ! while it was in use, but did not get up because he wished to conceal the dilapidation that had resulted. One day, while engaged in rendering the last spasm of "The Broken Typewriter," she saw him. It was Jack Meringue. She gazed at him and opened her mouth as if to speak. Vithout a word, he thrust an armful of books into it and, taking her ear in a hand like twenty cents worth of bananas he whispered this one syllable: "I will come for you at eight tonight. Be ready and don't forget your chin strap." Mary nodded and burst into a loud smile, for though he wore a clean collar she knew that he was a Senior. The clock struck eight. Mary felt that it was long past seven o'clock. At that moment Jack drew up in his stately Lemonsine. Ah, thought Mary, even if it is a Ford it has four wheels! "Here I be!" she cried. It was a rammatic moment. "Come." he said, with the accent on the antepenult. Tears of joy rushed to her eyes, and weeping like a cow she stumbled blindly into the interior of the car only to find herself inside alone with Jack and an orange peel. j They sped on for hours without speaking or saying a word. At last Mary could bear it no longer and with a scarlet yawp threw her arms about him in amorous embrace. In the terrible struggle that ensued 'J, firghtened vehicle tried to perform the shinimic. Failing this it ran into the curb and laid down and wept. Hours after, Mary awoke amid the leavings. She had changed terribly. Even so that the policeman who camt and poked her with his stick did not know her. But even then, we cannot lame him, for lie had never seen her before. She dug among the wreckage and arrayed herself in an old inner tube. And in this simple garb she flcddcd, leaving behind her past and her petticoat. There is only one tunc tiiat Mary now plays on the radiator in the hall. It is "Oh Where Is My Wandering Mind Tonight?" And here my story peters out. THE VERY END. S. D. 70. Accoiding to the White and Blue, B. Y. U. school paper, the Herald staff's wishes for the continuance of a likely Joe and Russ scene is increasing. The following quotations were extracted from the White and Blue: "Ernest Wilkinson and Mary Wooley were very intimate friends in their younger , days. Their friendship, judging from present and past events see a brilliant future for both of them." English As She Is Spoke Dorothy Didja nice turn.? Hclilhrope Nope: I never sawum. D. Well, Helen did. And just think what she did when she found-um?J I. Wazzat? U. She tried to vanipiim, Ohio Stin Dial. Why? Studc- - I wonder why so many girls are waring long skills again? Slewed ,1 guess they haven't any y,t) reasons for wearing .short ones. GREAT BOOKS AND THEIR AUTHORS "My Public Singing" Golden Bingham."In the Frozen North" John Croft. "Speaking of Love" -K. George. "My Knowledge" Clarence Brown. "The Freshmen Vamp" Irma Cram. "The Man Hater" Vera Malan. "The Merits of a Drug Store"' Harris Ridges. "Good Excuses" Lew Fretwell. "North Ogden" Bob Wilkinson. "The Turmoil" Ye Editor. "Salesmanship" '.Seedless Sunk is I Lemon. " Freshness" Lew M cKay. "Picking a Staff" Ida Scrowcroft. Our Store is Headquarters for athletic supplies of every character. We carry only the best quality merchandise. Every article is fully guaranteed by us. You must be absolutely satisfied with every purchase you make in our store. Your complete satisfaction is essential to our success and we shall overlook no opportunity to please you. BROWNING BROTHERS CO. Everything for Every Sport for Every Season. 2451 Hudson Avenue, Ogden, Utah Fone Four Five MONEY WASTE The difference between the dollar you save and the dollar you fritter away is, that the dollar you spend gives satisfaction but once, and the dollar saved gives satisfaction all the time. You can't save enough this week, or next, to cut much figure in a fortune. But if you save a little each week, your savings will combine into figures that will look good in your bank book. Pays 4 per cent on Savings Deposits Utah National Bank of Ogden Preference He left her on the I" Club steps. And straightway started home. He didn't hang around a bit. He had the chaperone. Penn State Froth. Blocking Traffic Each time I try to dance with Mary, something she wears gets quite contrary.I wondered what and why it was. But now I'm wise 'course it does. Purple Cow. Probably Snell "When Washington was your age, he was a surveyor." Marcus "Yes, and when he was your age, he was president." If Ivanhoed the bonny brae. And Athelstaii.ed his tunic new; If Friar Tucked the food away. Pray, what on earth did Rodcrich Dim? The old lady in the confectionary was growing impatient at the lack of service. Finally she rapped sharply on the counter. "Here, young lady," she called, "who waits on the nuts here?" He "Arc you deaf to my pleadings?"She "I am." He "But what if I were to offer you a diamond ring?" She "Oh, I'm not stone deaf." He saw a peach across the way, All smiles and passing fair, Quick shift a word an answer gay, The peach became a pear. . Songs of the Classes Not What She Meant Miss Cannon "I should just like to see the man that I'd promise to love, honor and obey." Miss Manghn "I am sure you would, dear.' You Know She gripped the wheel and they sped away Regardless of traffic laws, And the reckless pace caused the car to sway But, she couldn't fall out, because Last night I held a little hand, So dainty and so neat; I thought my heart would surely burst, So wildly did it beat. No other hand into my soul Could greater gladness bring Than lliat 1 held last night, which was Four aces and a king. Tourist "Are you the person we just run over?" Optimist "No, friend; I'm the guy who tried to crawl under when you went by." Powder From Both Silence. From 1 1 im Is il all over? From, Her No, just a little bit on your shoulder. Francis !!. "! say, old man, can you lend me a fiver?" Anyone "Impossible, I've tried to lend you money several limes, but you always seem to look on it as a gift." Velma II. "Why do yon call me 'honey' ?" Bid) VV. "It reminds me of the last time 1 was slung." He "1 like a girl who can lake a jok el" She --"Then you sland a fine chance of being accepted." My Stars Asl ronoiny I'rof Is there anything now that isn't clear lo anyone? 72--Yca, I don't yet see how they discovered the names of the stars. ffmntn iflau! Your personal appearance is going to have much to do with your success in life. It is our business to advise and help you succeed in this respect. MEN'S SECTICN Only Pure Creamery Butter Used Butter Kissed Popcorn Always Fresh 419 1-2 25th Stseet ' 'II I 1 1 1 I I 1 1 1 1 1 II 1 1 11 You should see our Basket Balls, and Suits. We have a complete line of Basket Ball equipment. We have a great line of Athletic Goods. Come and see them. PROUDFIT'S SPORTING GOODS CO. Corner 2-1 1 1 1 Si'. Hudson Ave. i$ri H 1 TV" The- CfockefY People" & J |