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Show SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 1923 THE WEBER HERALD PAGE THREE Leaves for llie EastQ Fate has overtaken Ernest Wilkinson at last. The wise persons have foreseen it for quite a long while, but when it did happen we were much surprised. Mr. Wilkinson was married to Miss Alice Ludlow at Spanish Fork. Immediately after the wedding they started across the continent by motor for Washington, D. C, where Mr. Wilkinson will take up a position as secretary to Senator King. He will also study law at the George Washington University there. We wish Mr. Wilkinson success and happiness, and hope he will return to Weber some day, as he will be missed when school starts this year. Photos of Quality and Charm RABE Photographer and Artist 116 Twcnl v-foiirtli Street Williams Music Company 2215 Washington Avenue 0len, Utah Phone 503 EYEKYTIIING IN MUSIC AM) MUSICAL MERCHANDISE Sweet Sixteen Chocolates The Culley Drug Co. PRESCRIPTION SPECIALISTS JOHN CULLEY, Ph. C. Maunder Everything In the Drug Lino 2470 Washington Avenue Ogden, L'tnh Smart Campus Styles VJ VUNTY smartness is what the college girl wauls in iixl'urds - a pair she can slip into when it's a scramble to make class on time ami yet (eel sure of her appearance. t'r.Ve. $1,115 .5.!t5 7.!!5 Ilirscliman's 2t7.'t II (isliiniiton .-ivrntto ask for l Ji Li "See Us First" Watson-Tanner Clothing Co. 372 TW r.NTY-I Ol K I II STKI.I.T Miss Storey to go on Mission Miss Mary Storey, who was secretary to President Tracy and instructor of history at Weber last year, has been called to fulfill a mission, and will leave in the near future. It is not known yet where she is to go. We wish her success and happiness while she is away and hope she will come back to us later. Mount Ogden Hike This fall the second annual hike to Mount Ogden will be held. The date has not yet been definitely announced, but the event will take place the latter part of September or the first part of October. It is expected that nearly the entire student body will make the trip, along with the acuity, members of the board, alumni, and friends of the school. A new American flag will be raised on the flagpole, and an appropriate program carried out. The hike, which is an animal activity, was first held last year. Approximately three hundred and fifty persons made the trip, and all reached the top. Apostle McKay, president of the Board of Trustees, was in the party, and delivered an inspiring talk at the flag-raising ceremony. We will be more grown up this year than we were last, and we will also be smaller in numbers, and therefore more intimate. So perhaps there will be fewer girls making the arduous climb alone. A him ni As it has done in the past, the Weber Alumni Association is bending every effort to continue its program for the welfare and progress of the Weber College. It has in mind to accumulate sufficient funds to purchase additional property for enlargement of the Weber College campus. It has secured the services of Professor Lemuel B. C. Josephs to present to the public two plays, the proceeds to be used in the interest of the alumni program. These plays will be presented during the latter part of September. The cast will be selected from members of the Alumni Association, particularly those who were trained by Mr. Josephs last year. Among these are Irvine l'oulter, Harvey Taylor, Mrs. Ellen Scowcroft Eccles, Miss Ida Scowcroft, Lawrence Evans, and Mrs. Bertha Eccles Wright. The oflicers of the Alumni Association for the coming year are Aaron W. Tracy, oresident; Harvey Taylor, first vice-president ; D. R. Wheelwright, second vice-president; and Helen Wilson, secretary. The organization has been one of the strongest of the school and we are confident that they will accomplish all they hope to for the betterment of Weber. We Want lo Know Who does John Bull? Whose Uncle in Uncle Sam? What makes a piston ring? Who do tiie trade winds trade with? Who Burnt Sienna? Who wrote the P russia n Blues? How much does the Milky Wav ? Where does the Gulf Stream? How much is Kenilworth? How high does hell get when they raise it? Who fixes the broken news? Who has seen the pealing of the belles? Who killed Cock-Robin? Rice Owl. Society Good and Bad Heber Jacobs is taking a correspondence course on how to increase height. It is evident that Hebe believes in higher education. By the way, Van Tanner is the original and undisputed exponent of this brand of education. According to the latest reports, Athol and Melba are still on the brink of the precipice. Not yet, but soon, is their motto. Thelma Shurtleff has had an offer from Goldwyn, but is still convinced that there is a better f u! ure at Weber next year. It is rumored that Ellen Williams has taken up aesthetic dancing. Van Tanner's rosary: "Every day in every way I'm getting thicker and wider." Ruth Folkman says she appreciates music better since Rigby joined the military band. At least she likes to listen to the attempts of that organization to produce harmony.Rigby Jacobs will have to go to Ogden High. However, he reminds us that his heart will be at Weber. That reminds us of a little saying: "Where the treasure is, there must the heart be also." Lois Jones led the class in venturing into the "tied for life" state. She is now Mrs. Shaw. We wish her happines, but would prefer to have her back at school with us. Two other seniors (we hope there are no more) followed closely on her heels, or her wedding train, as the case might be. Our onetime classmates, Vera West and Sarah Harper, are now signing their names "Mrs." It would seem that several of our last year's students prefer the troubles of matrimony to the trials of book learning. All we have to say is that even Freshman English couldn't make us take such drastic action. It is rumored that Monk Halliday has a case of lockjaw. He says (or rather he writes) that he is going to sue the Wrigley Chewing Gum Company. Ed. Williams' song: (Not limited to one girl.) "Our eyes have met, Our lips not yet, But, oh, you kid, I'll get you yet." Society Note: Hazel Stone has returned from a short stay at the girls' camp in South Fork. Among other thrills she encountered a horse, three cows, a skunk, two rattlesnakes, and a boy. The school awaits with impatience the return of Ed Williams. Ed has been in Montpelier for the summer and has been the main drawing card for that otherwise unknown place. What with blowing his horn and calling cows, he should be in a very good condition to lead the school in the thrilling strains of the "Horse Laugh." There was a young fellow named Chick, At preaching he sure was a brick ; And soon on a mission For souls he'll be fishin', With his gab, such a job is no trick. Eleriiilnm "You may wreck, you may shatter Room 42 if you will, But the shade of dear "Wilky" will linger there still." Ed Williams writes us that he has been eating lemons and raw meat all summer so as to be in good condition for the season. Maurice Skeen, of last year's graduating class, is now in England on a mission. Who will be next ? Larry Budge, after spending his vacation in the restful vicinity of the buzzing of bees, feels that he is able to hold his own with any of the faculty now. Yes, bees are great sparring partners. Society Our dear boy Monk had such Stacombed hair, It attracted the lightning with its glare. But the lightning slipped on the polished pate, And only succeeded in parting it straight. Mr. James Stuart Halliday and Mr. Dean Byron Porter, otherwise known as the nitroglycerine twins, have bought a hash joint on Twenty-fifth Street. It will hereafter be known as"Monk-and-Port-er's". The two partners announce that they will serve chewing gum with every order amounting to ten cents. Miss Thelma Shurtleff has just returned to normal. That is to say, she has just come back from Montpelier, Idaho, where she has been visiting. Her heart will be all right, according to the doctor. Miss Christabel Gardner intends to return to college this fall. She expects to come from Liberty into slavery again, like all the rest of us. We return to school to note with sorrow and amazement that Mr. Manning has become thinner during the summer. We have heard how musicians sometimes give their lives for their art, but we sincerely hope this will not prove the case with Professor Manning. We must all get together at the first opportunity and give him a good, rousing pea nut Lu.;i; to put him on his feet again. Classified ad: Instruction in the science of the "daily dozen" will be given eveiy day from six to seven a. m. at our gymnasium on Eccles Avenue. These treatments are guaranteed to make you thinner, or money back. We cite ourselves as proof of our treatment. The Taylor Sisters, Marian and Elma. Extra! It has just reached our ears from a reliable source that Pete Couch has turned down numerous offers from leading colleges of the county. He was offered everything from a degree to the hand of the prettiest girl if he would grace the particular school with his athletic prowess. However, Pete says in reply that he has one of the latter already, and has no use for the former. Therefore he is expected to return to Weber. Hospital bulletin : Chase Taylor broke his arm; Rigby Jacobs broke a rib ; and Lucile Parry dislocated her knee. Chase "got his" trying to crank a Ford; Rig tried to break a wild horse ; Lucile tried to varnish the bathroom floor, and slipped. There is something remarkably alike between the first two. However, Fat Passey claims to have the worst ailment he's been broke all summer. It is reported from various sources that Overton Zinn, star end of Ogden High's football team for three years, is coming to Weber. Which is undoubtedly very encourag- The Sheik ":Ie was a desert chieftain bold, A Dempsey of the Nile ; He stole a youthful maiden fair, And kept her for awhile. He swept her from her coal black steed As she sped across the sand ; And then in triumph brought her back, And joined his Arab band. lie kept her in a prison camp And made her there obey, But despite the fact, she loved him dear, And let him have his way. This tale has a moral, Though short the story is: Remember, boys, your luck might be Quite different from his. So. boys, don't try your i "shiek" stuff ! On all the girls you see; For tho we may be foolish, we're Not such a fool as she. LaKue Cram. The IJingville Sentinal Editor, Enoch Googonslocker. Published at the editor's leisure. Type set and paper printed by editor at the office, 000 Tin-Can Allev. Monday, April 16, 1923, A. D. Sensational Explosion Removes Two From This World Anthill, Apr. 15. Red Ant and his Sister Black were instantly killed yesterday while climbing the hill to their home. The exact cause of the trouble has not been determined, but it is supposed by some of our most learned tomato canners that a can of peas which Red carried in his arms exploded. Mr. and Mrs. Ant feel dreadfully over their recent loss, and it is evident that they will begin suit against the canners. Woolworth, April 10. Some time last week two small youngsters were seen acting rather peculiar around the counters in the five, ten, and dime store. They were picked up by officers Ham and Eggs and booked in the county jail as follows : Spinach Green, and Water Cress. The officers found on the young lads the following articles: three automatic pie stretchers, six left handed monkey wrenches, one can of red coal oil, two tall cans of mosquitoes milk, and a dozen elephant eggs. The articles were removed to the jail safe and after the lads were harshly talked ed to by Judge Corn Whiskey, they were turned loose with twenty minutes suspended sentence. Judge Whiskey said today that this was the first case where such mere infants were taken in for stealing. He suggested that parents take a closer care of their offsprings.April 16. Editorial. As I sit in my office and wonder, a great melo-dramatic picture come into my dum-bellic mind. The picture is one of pain, strife and a struggle for a bear existance. It shows vividly the future. I close my I's in horror and blindly tri to expunge it from mi mynd. It finally vanished and in place of it there come a deap voice saying, "Be kare-full with yore yunger gener ation or else you will be full of sorrow when you see them grone up and in prisons, poor howses and the like. Then you kan watch back and re-aleyes that it was all yore fawlt and that thay woodn't have been thare if it hadn't a been fore you." People watch yore childrun or my revelation mite come true. Just look at the case where those too little bois stole so many valuable articles from the fifteen cents stoar. That woodn't have happened if their folks had a taken kare of them. The terrible killing in Ant-ville ot to be a lessun to all fruit canners to be shure to keep all cans for twenty-nine year an seven weeks before letting them go out of the factory. Then they will be shure that they won't be spoiled. The death rate among hour older set is increasing. Many of our undertakers says that it is a good thing caws this country is overstalked with weak people and if all of them kinl dies, well then the stronger ones will be left to multy-ply and replenish the hemisphere. Mr. Toe Nail, who is our leading undertaker says that it wood be a good eyedea for some one too give poisen to every one and see who is week. We have decided to take his advise and next Saturday al people will be requested to buy six pounds of stricnine and eat it before night. Lost. A watch, by a woman some where on Grant between Lincoln and Wall on Adams Avenue with Ingersol movement. Finder return to 812 Green Apple Street. Deaths. Mrs Offpplvpr Pulse died yesterday of wateritis. It is said that she swollowed a sack of salt the other day and she was trving to ouench her thirst. Funeral surveys will be completed later. The death of Ida Know camp as a shock to her friend and her other relations. She was found dead in her bed. The cause of her sudden death is unknown, but it is believpd that she grieved over the loss of her pet canary. The neigh bors say that a cat got her canary and she got the cat and killed it, but it was the wrong cat. Births. Mr. and Mrs. Dice are the proud possessers of pairs, a boy and a little girl. Theyhave decided to name them Big Dick and Little Phebee. Mr. Dorock Jersey announced before his club this morning that" -the stork sailed over the house last night and the rope to the basket broke and all the orders for last night came to his place. Funerals. The funeral of Picket Fence was held at the Bingville Bedding factory. The program was enjoyed by all and went as follows: Opening benediction, by Parson Board, who is an uncle of the dead body. Song, "I know that my soul's goin' to hades,'" was rendered by the female Brown brothers. Sermon by the Parson, As ye sow, so shall ye reap. "Let he who is the most wich-out sin, sling the first rock." The three Hump sisters played a quartet from the joys of the repast "If we had some ham we would have some ham and eggs, if we had the eggs." Farewell prayer was spoke by the Reverend Cranberry. Flours adorned the casket. Planting was done in the city resting grounds. Questions My Book of Etiquette Doesn't Answer With which hand should the napkin be tucked under the collar? Is it correct to remove small pieces of yeast from home brew before sampling it? What side of the napkin should be used for wiping the silverware ? What kinds of nuts should be cracked with the teeth? Is it proper to drop the shells on the floor? Where should one place his spoon in the grapefruit when trying to avoid hitting the hostess? To whom should complaint be made when your neighbor spills soup on your trousers? What is the correct angle which the elbow should make with the forearm when resting the elbow on the table? Under what conditions may the ends of matches be used as tooth-picks? If the gravy served does not match your vest, what precautions should be taken? Voo Doo. Horsey The sky is blue, The ocean's hue, Horses neck, I do, too. Boll Weevil Voice in the Dark Oh, liar-old, dear, why did you turn out the light? Another I wanted to see if my pipe was still lit. Jester. Small boy: "Oh, mama, look at the man in white pants !" "Those are his flannels, my dear." "But mama, I thought that flannels were always red, like papa's." -Exchange. Cop: "Why are you parking?"Slicker: "There's a miss in the car." Exchange. Little boy (visiting Washington) : "When are we going to see the red tape?" Yon n ix William Fell Wit It the I snal Apologies Y'oung William Fell went off to school, Even as you and I; With a firm belief in the knowledge rule. Though the fellows thought him an idle fool. Even as you and I. "He had ambition," his father said, And often aloud his letters read To a neighbor who laughed and shook his head Even as you and I. Now William Fell for a college dame, Even as you and I; For the well known 'Rag' with a pretty name, Which ended Bill's dash for world-wide fame Even as you and I! A Co-Ed maid with high ideals, A taste for Shelly and seven reels, Captured poor William by the heels Even as you and I! A preacher married the happy pair, Even as you and I; They tried to live on the college air, But found it a rather scanty fare Even as you and I. "We'll go to the farm," I heard them say, Where they studied cows and "rais'in hay," And you'll find them there this very day Even as you and I. Kenneth Farley. Scednle of Events i Autumn Quarter. September 6-7-8, Thursday, Friday and Saturday Entrance examinations and registration of students. September 10, Monday Instruction begins. September 27-28, Thursday and Friday Alumni Play. October 8-12 Barker Extemporaneous Speaking Contest.October 12, Friday Columbus Day. November 12-13, Monday and Tuesday College Opera. November 16, Friday Grant Oratorical Contest. November 28, Wednesday Autumn Quarter ends. November 29-30, Thursday and Friday Thanksgiving Recess. Winter Quarter. December 3, Monday Winter Quarter begins. December 24 January 2 Christmas recess. lanuary 3, Thursday Alumni Reunion. January 7, Monday Founders' Day. February 12, Tuesday Lincoln's Birthday. February 22, Friday Washington's Birthday. February 21-22, Thursday and Friday College Play. February 29, Friday Winter Quarter ends. February 29, Friday College "Prom". Spring Quarter. March 3, Monday Spring Quarter begins. April 15, Tuesday Arbor Day. April 25, Friday Lewis Extemporaneous Speaking Contest. May 2, Friday Flora Eccles Douglas Literary Contest. May 22, Wednesday Class work for Spring Quarter ends. May 23, Thursday Thirty-fifth Commencement. May 24, Friday Alumni Banquet.Father: "No, daughter, you must not go to those low-brow dances. That camel walk is making you hump-backed." Exchange. Go back and read this Herald all over again. Did you note that "The Faculty Reception" is FREE? |