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Show THURSDAY, DECEMBER 19, 1940 THE SIGNPOST 4 Clubs List Ultimatums To Be Met By Santa Dear Santa: Believe it or not, we've really been giving this matter of Christmas a lot of serious thought. Of course, we're going to ask you to bring us a man, but this time we have decided to forget the present and look into the future. Though we're perfectly content with our modern romeos, we're going to play safe and choose our ideal from those who have weathered the storm and come out on top. And so, dear Santa, if possible, will you bring us what we consider the perfect specimen? We'd like a man with: The eyes of Mr. Buss, the dignity and manners of Mr. Allred, the humor of Dean Anderson, the personality of "Pop" Parry, the smile and teeth of Mr. Espy, the clothes of Mr. Trevithick, the amiability of C. H. Anderson, the hair of Mr. Jenson, the popularity of President Dixon, the dimples of Mr. Losee, the complexion of Dr. Miner, the good sportsmanship of Mr. Collctt, the voice of Mr. Young, the efficiency of Mr. Monson, the physique of Mr. Meachem; who, cooperates like Mr. Gray; and dances like Mr. Childs. We realize, Santa, that this is a lot to expect; but if you could oblige, we'd be happy squaws. Otyokwa. Dear, dear Santa: We've thought and thought. We've looked at dolls, and trains, and teddy bears. Nothing appealed to us except one tiny idea. For Christmas we want a MAN. Now, of course, he must be extra special. If you would bring us a lad with Dick Tuscan's hair Jim Blae's eyes Kenny Wheeler's teeth By Woods' nose Blaine Felt's Ears and "Debbie" Nye's dimples, we would be most happy. We would like it if his "Little Abner" physique might be composed of Darold Burt's shoulders, and "Sook" Mattson's chest. It would be nice if he could have Jack Larsen's voice, "Neut's" wit, and J. M. Demos' intelligence, Dr. Dixon's smile, Stanley George's clothes, and Junior Corole's Buick. And please, dear Santa, Bob Butler's line. Aside from these things, we will leave it up to your good judgment to take care of any details that we may have forgotten in our excitement. Loads of Love, Tiki Kapa Kapa. The Sigma Delta Pi club here at Weber also decided that they wanted perfection for Christmas so they wrote this letter to Santa. Dear Santa: We have decided that we would like something perfect for our Christmas present this year, and so we are writing you this letter. Our bit of perfection should be in the form of a girl if it is to satisfy all of us. Knowing your idea of perfection is probably different than ours we have taken parts of girls around school and combined them into what we think is a perfect college girl. Our perfect girl must have eyes like Rosemary Pickins, nose like Marian Fiet, lips like Donna Maria Curran, complexion like Beverly Jurgens, hair like Sophie Reed, figure like Dawna Shewell, arms like Lau Rene Thomson, personality like Charlotte Johnson, charm like Ethel Hogge, and a smile like Ardell Russell. If we can have this we will be satisfied. Hopefully yours, Sigma Delta Pi. The Skull club thought it over and decided they wanted a perfect woman as a Christmas present so they wrote this letter to Santa. Dear Santa: We, the Skulls, have been looking all over good old Weber to see if we could find a perfect woman and although there are some very beautiful girls, none of them are quite perfect. So we were thinking, Santa, if you could send us one we would be very happy She must have red hair like Helen Thorpe, eyes like Faye Wheelwright, lips and smile like Alice Juggler, teeth like Margaret Peterson, nose like Lenore Neville, complexion like Shirley Watson, figure like Marian Feit, legs like Ruth Packer, personality like Emma Martin, friendly as Rosella Larkin, poise like Laurene Thompson, and humor like Itha Russell. Hopefully yours, Skulls. The Viking club of Weber college sends this letter to Santa Claus. Dear Santa: We know there are just bunches and bunches of beautiful girls at Weber but we Vikings couldn't make up our minds which was the most beautiful; of'course each member ha dhis own idea of beauty. So not to show partiality we have taken the outstanding feature of several girls and combined them into what we think would make a perfect coed. Santa please, oh! please send us a girl with: Eyes like Faye Wheelwright, lips like Marianne Malan, smile like Elisibeth Blair, chin like Ethel Hogge, hair like Elaine Grow, figure like Ruth Packer, personality like Rosella Larkin, legs like Carol Smuin, hands liks Margaret Dewey, arms like La Von Earl, complexion like Ruth Taylor, teeth like Lola Brown, personal appearance like Helen Fuller, nose like Beverly Peterson, friendly as Emma Martin, poise like Beverly Jurgens, charm like Ruth Carver, humor like Louise Dixon, and dance like Sophie Reed. Hopefully yours, Viking club. Mr. S. Claus, Esquire, Polar Bear and Penquin Sts., North Pole, Arctic Circle. Dear Sir: Is your gout getting any better? We hope you're feeling well and are in a good mood cause there are only four more shopping days 'till Christmas. Probably your bag is so filled with electric trains for little boys' dads and headache powders for college girls' mothers that you haven't much more room. But please, can't you squeeze in just one more thing for us? It isn't very much, honest, Mr. Claus just a collijoe. How big? Well, big enough for us to sit on his lap without com. pletely crushing him when there are four in a coupe. And tall enough for his chin to fit snugly against our forehead while we're dancing. You know what we mean, don't you, Santa? After all, when you and Mrs. Claue were young . . . It seams that you're the only one who can supply us with a man who'll fill all our specifications; Mother Nature has failed completely. We'd like him to have a physique on the general order of Tarzan or Clair White!)- (either one will do) including the beautiful sun-tanned back; muscles like that acrobat we saw in the vaudeville a couple of months ago; a profile like Kenneth Wheeler's, hair like Winsliw Gardner's with a lock eternally falling down in front like Rex MeEntire's, eyes like Jerakl Walker's (we like 'em big and brown) a smile like Mark Austad's, a sense of humor like Neut's (we like corny one's in spite of ourselves,) and big feet like Mr. Child's because men with little feet give us a complex. Of course, dear Santa, if you could possibly bring us a man who could sing "Trade Winds" to us like Jack Larson, Don Bjorklund, and Grant Hinchcliff rolled into one, we would appreciate it more than ever. A red plaid shirt like Lew Austad's and a convertible coupe like Johnny Eccles' would help, too. Then if you'll throw in Max Green's dimples and Kay Crockett's wink, we'll never ask for another man again, cross our hearts! Gee,, Mr. Claus, you'll never know how thrilled you're going to make us on Christmas morning. (We hope.) Merry Christmas to you, Iota t, e. t au Kappa. P. b. If you could bring him to us in time for the Snowball . . .! P. S. II If you can't possibly manage Rex MeEntire's forelock, we'll be satisfied with Demo's bristlebrush haircut. Honest! I. T. K. Dear Santa: We suppose you've heard the old bromide about a cat crossing a idesert and getting "Sandy Claws" but you can't blame us for trying to get you in the mood coz what we want has gotta be terrific. Not that we're dissatisfied with the 2-1 ratio that exists around here at the moment at all . . . we really lie it, but we think you ought to re-combine some of the better features of the better guys and get our 1940 version of our Sweetheart. To fill the job the applicant must have the following assets . . not frozen either: The laught of Va Nyle Evans, the smile of Winslow Gardner, clothes like Carl Buehler's, two of Grant Neuteboom's wits, the naturalness of Reed Shaws hair, the pearly teeth of Vard Orrick, and we still like Blain's eyes, the manly physique of Orlo Child, Blair LiddeU's sense of humor, the hands of Norval Benson, well the profile of By Woods, the teeth of Glayden Russell, the ears of Lewis Austad, the mentality of Reed Coray, Carlyle's feet dressed, the speaking voice of Mark and the Wildcat Swimmers Show at Intermountain A. IS If POWERFUL TANKSTERS . . . Weber swimmers have already begun to turn an exciting season in acquatic competition. The team has many of last year's stars and is strengthened by a promising group of freshmen. They brought a commendable group of medals from the Intermountain A. A. U. meet held recently in Salt Lake City, at the Deseret gymnasium. Reading left to right, they are: Ferron Losee, coach; Dovvain Russell, Don Kammeyer, and Williard Jensen, crawl swimmers; Clair Whitely, diver; Odel Sanford, crawl; Ralph Barnard, backstroke; and Mohry Eckhart, Albert Hobson, Bill Tapsfield, and Dee Waldron Smith, crawl. . Former Phoenix Queens . . . Evelyn Smith, queen of 1938, and singing voice of Jack, as usual, the assurance of Earl Tanner, the walk of Grant Hepworth, and last but not least, the line of Clair Whitely. With all sincerity, La Dianaeda. Dear Santa Claus: They say it is more blessed to grve than to receive, so Santa we'll be very happy to receive a little gift answering the following description: She must weigh about 110 pounds, be about five feet three inches high, have the beautiful hair of Barbara Fleming, personality of Emma Martin, figure of Ruth Packer, eyes of Gloria Hall, friendliness and stamina of Marjorie Vowles, voice of Ruth Taylor, humor of Lola Brown, legs of June Bramwell, smile of Mary Peterson, woo-ability of Marcene Manning, ability to dance like Betty Davis, Buick 8 of Georgia Brown, clothes like Ardell Russell, and in conclusion the delectible lips of Ethel Hogge. Do not unwrap before Christmas. With love, Frenisti. "Big College" Publication Dope Reviewed By Scribe (Continued from Page One) H- is n sad fart, that smuttiness and cir culation go together. The most widely read college magazines in the country are those that point with pride to the purity of the white spaces between their jokes. When circulation of the Missouri "Showme" had fallen almost to the vanishing point, Editor Eilert Richstein began to run the exceedingly intimate "Diary of a Co-ed." The dairy detailed the girl's first innocent date, her well if you happened to read the "Evolution of a Co-ed" told in our last Signpost, well you sorta get the idea. After the diary was suppressed, the entire issue was bootlegged at high prices. Readers of the "Showme" were legion. As the storm of faculty protest burst over Richstein's head, papers as far afield as Chicago ran his picture beneath the caption, "Editor Under Fire." Another chapter of the diary carried more details and Richstein kept a batch of issues in his room for the dean to confiscate, and quietly sold a much larger number to eager buyers. The Associated Press sent photographers to Columbia, Missouri, to catch the face of the co-ed when she should be revealed. Mr. Richstein was the co-ed,' but nobody knew that. The faculty clamored for the editor's dismissal, but the dean, who belonged to the same fraternity as did Richstein, said he just couldn't kick out a brother. The "Showme" was toned down, but a great many stmdents are still reading,-filled with hope. The "Kitty Kat," University of Arizona's humorous monthly," gained most of its circulation through its "Hollywood Contest," which used to send two winners on a 500-mile airplane trip to Hollywood, (an airplane not a bus,) where they lived in a "class" hotel (it must have been the Vista del Arroyo, am I right Whip?) and they visited the movie studios. Students refused to believe the contest was authentic the first year it was conducted. But when the girl and boy who sold the most subscriptions actually enjoyed the promised "Flight by American Airlines," the campus picked up its ears. Whether in quest of circulation or reader interest, the humor mags and school papers chart a risky course between the demands of the dean and the desires of the fraternity or social men of the campus. Very few school administrations will allow student publications to run liquor ads, a stand which has the advertising managers crying themselves to sleep nightly when they see the golden harvest being reaped in liquor advertising. However, one enterprising ad man got around the taboo when he ran the following for a large beer garden: "When Janet Hilton, queen of 1939. name ! Dear Santa . . . By LOUISE de WIT This humdrum life is such a strain (We're glad that Santa's back again.) We've thought and thought like all the rest (About the little toys that we'd like best.) The result is a list for you, Santa dear, (Some of the items we want this year.) There's no sense in keeping the stuff you make (You get ready to give we'll take.) The few things we want will cause you no stir (First, of course, is a coat made of fur.) We know, sweet Santa, you'll want to enliven each heart (A convertible coupe is a very good start.) If you are going to give give with some reason (Yachts are popular this season.)We know that you'll heed this shy little note (Please don't forget that red motor boat.) vou're thirsty, come down to the Tavern for a BIG . . . COLD . . . FOAMING GLASS OF milk." As a general rule today, however, the college publication is a comparativelybusiness-like institution. If you should write a letter to the editor he would probably reply. If you ask for subscription you are fairly apt to get your copies. The staff -member of yesterday was loudmouthed, egotistical, and rather stupid. The staff-member of today is loud-mouthed, egotistical, and a pseudo-intellectual. If you do not believe he is a genius, you have only to ask him, and he will put you right. Mr. Bacil B. Warren, whom we may thank for a good deal of this material, after reading many of our college publications wrote the following: "Life of a Joke." Birth A ' freshman thinks it up and chuckles with glee, waking up a club brother in the back row. Age five minutes Freshman tells it to sophomore, who answers : "Yeah, it's funny, but I've heard it before." Age one day Senior turns it in to the campus humor rag, or paper as his own. Age two days Editor thinks it's terrible. Age 10 days Editor has to fill space, prints joke. Age one month Thirteen college comics reprint joke. Age three years Annapolis "Log" reprints joke as original. Age three years-one month "College Humor" reprints joke, crediting it to "Log" Age 10 years Seventy-six radio comedians discover joke simultaneously, tell it, accompanied by howls of mirth from the boys in the orchestra. (Five dollars a howl.) Age 20 years Joke is printed in "Literary Digest." Age 100 years Professors start telling joke in class. From the war and the Kansas paper, we will go to Riverside's policy concerning that ever-interesting subject, scandal. One editorial is well worth mentioning. This editorial states that the paper has ample evidence to believe that short stories about personal lives and personal affairs of students usually presented in the form of a column are generously read. Yet there is no type of column which calls for more careful and well considered preparation than this type of column. The editorial makes its point-of-view very clear when it says, "We hope that the student body is not taking that attitude that come what may we want scandal no matter whom i hurts. We do not intend to, in any way, degrade or cast reflections upon any A. U. Meet Pheasant Hunting Provides Variety If Not'Boids' By Ray Wright Mr. Average Hunter is quite disgusted with his results of the opening days of pheasant hunting. Mr. Wallace Baddley, superintendent of buildings and grounds, however, had a cheerful story to tell. He weathered the opening day storms both Sunday and Monday, long enough to root out his limit for two successive days. His big red and white setter, which can be seen around the campus at any time, was responsible for rooting up the birds. Coach Reed Swenson, who has been shooting baskets for years, stayed right in the groove for two days shooting roosters. Sunday he bagged his limit in Utah county and Monday he accompanied Mr. Baddley to Corrine to get his limit. Ambush Coach Ferron Losee has the ideal technique for getting the best hunting results. Each time before going out he permits his beard to grow. In this way he can creep up close behind the birds, camouflaged behind his bushy beard and get an ideal shot. Dean Merlon Stevenson and Mr. Harold Handley, of the vocational building, were kind hearted and didn't shoot their limit. Mr. Stevenson got two birds in West Tremon-ton. Mr. Handley went to Clearfield, took one shot and brought back one bird. Economy Mr. Theodore Allen, vocational welding instructor, was one of the disgusted hunters. He wasted' enough gas on the two birds he did get to buy chickens at the market. In the morning he traveled to Syracuse and in the afternoon to Tremonton. He stated that the birds were extremely hard to find. Variety Faculty members Ralph Grey and Ira J. Markham shot only one bird between them, hut even at that they are happy. The reason for their joy is that Saturday, the day before the pheasant season opened, they went duck hunting and bagged their limit of thirty ducks apiece. They were back in Ogden in time to see the game. Mr. Markham stated, however, that the most interesting part of their trip was getting their car out of the mud. He had to milk the cows while an obliging farmer freed the car with his team of horses. "The pheasants are a little fatter in Utah county," Mr. Guy Hurst said. He bagged his limit of three easily. Double Deal Not only Mr. Clair Johnson is a good shot, but aLso his wife shoots true. Mr. Johnson stated that he missed the easy shots and got the hard ones. His wife followed his style of shooting. They did their hunting in Utah county. Mr. George Hyde, building engineer, got his roosters in Tremonton while Coach Bob Davis, who always gets his "boid," got the limit in Garland. OGDEN CITY FLORAL COMPANY George Sharratt, Prop. 2277 Washington Blvd. Office Phone 2(i86 Flowers for All Occasions Mexican Lyceum Attracts Large Audience By DAVID LUND Monotony of examination week was broken last Wednesday morning by the presentation of the colorful Mexican lyceum, "Romance of Old Mexico," in the college auditorium.Master of ceremonies, Col. Ricar-do de Escamilla, was a tall, hand some, romantically dressed Mexican Indian. He possessed a particularly pleasing voice, evidenced by the splendid attention the students paid to his narrations. In an Oath of Allegiance, in which he declared that the only way of life was the American, and that Mexico stood ready to defend with her life this democratic way, he aroused a storm of applause. Versatile to an unusual degree In story telling, he held the students spellbound with stories of his picturesque career, which include entertaining, exploring, cowpunching and banditry. The musicians of the orchestra were masters on their various instruments, among them the piano, trumpet, violin, marimba, and gourds. They were all dressed after the fashion of a cowboy, with a good deal more color. A very pretty Indian maiden, Senorita Greta Rubio, was the highlight of the program with her songs, dances, and beautiful costumes. One costume which the Colonel declares he first saw in an ancient hidden city in Mexico was exceptionally beautiful. It was patterned after a hula skirt, but much more elaborate, with the strands made of gold and the waistband studded with a maze of jewels. The headpiece was com posed of a solid crown inlaid with many large rubies and a backward sloping arch of dazzling multi colored feathers. A long, gold colored robe with a blazing sun emblem on the back completed the outfit. It was spectacular and aroused comments from both boys and girls. Students packed the auditorium, nearly half of them late, and the fact that they remained 15 minutes after the hour, and remained quiet at that, is sufficient proof that the performance was highly entertaining. BEST WISHES STUDENTS SCRIVEN'S 2478 Washington Blvd. S J I J-yM As sise - . B L 'i ix n ''o Alumnus Dramatist Fills T Role Former Weber college thespian, LaMona Suttlemcyre filled one of the principle roles in the fall production of the Brigham Young university.Elmer Rice's dramatic success from Broadway last season, "Two on an Island" was presented for the first time in Utah on November 14, 15, and 16 at college hall. LaMoin Suttemeyer will be re membered for his work in "Let Us Be Gay" and "Star Wagon." While attending Weber Suttlemeyer was also active in extempe, and was president of Phoenix during 1939. Weber F. Teachers Join U. S. Group Weber Chapter of the Future Teachers of America voted to join the national organization at the last meeting. Every student who joins must pay a fee of $1.00 for which he will receive a year's subscription to the Journal of National Education Association, and 20 selected pamphlets. The club will receive a set of 100 pamphlets on subjects pertaining to education and also several books will be placed in the library. Raymon Varela was in charge of the program which followed the business session. Emmet Wiggans gave a number on his violin accompanied by Elizabeth Blair at the piano, and Byron Wood played a piano solo. Frank Wilcox will be in charge of a party to be held for the members the early part of December. Ross Hawkins Jack Crane ROSS & JACK Lunch and Dining Room 364 25th Street Air Conditioned Fountain Service OPEN ALL NIGHT OGDEN, UTAH "6 L y |