OCR Text |
Show For your next smart move ... ... call me. | can help you today!! Are you looking for a home? Are you looking to sell? Mulch, weed-killer & fertilizer This Ain’t No Field of Dreams (ox ERA°CARLSON REALTORS® wicked dreams: I hear the helicopters. I’m By Randy Hanskat PAULA METOS SALTAS — have this dream: There I am sitting out on the lawn, picking each blade, each leaf of grass, as ifI were playing “She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not.” The game lasts the entire lawn, no doubt time span which makes ly seem like a hand of Uno. I finally n to the last few blades and am actually going to find j out ifI am loved or hated. But suddenly, there’s a total solar ! | get flustered and forget whether | loved” or “loved not.” I 50 ve that JORDAN RIVERDANCE July 16 - September 21 Mike Leavitt, Doug Short, Tom Welch, Corridini, Ron Yengich, Gayle Ruzicka Craig Taylor Dancers singing and in a Michael Flateley Irish 12-step of Chorus Line meets Lord of the Detares An all new Saturday's Voyeur of mythic proportions. over Don't miss it! 1997 PAGE 6 » AUGUST Rtas cite th rocks oe) bad guy, as the Green Menace of the yard. Take Walt Whitman — he named his most famous work after the stuff, Leaves of Grass. GAT 9 FENCED YARD * 1983 CONTEMPORARY tit OOMS © 2 BATHS « 2 CAR GARAGE loors to covered back deck. DCS Serdar) RTS awa) carpet of green heaven, or the devil’s own groundcovertProbably the latter. a hyperbaric chamber? But I jump back into the fray flanked by So what if I’m thinking of going back to my Honda mulching mower on one side, my college to get a Chemistry degree to ' Toro Weedeater on the other. “Bring your become better versed in biological lawn warfare. I need to understand the nuances best game, Chlorophyll Breath!” I scream as of nitrogen, the idiosyncrasies of iron, the I grab a bottle of Round-Up. “And don’t pitfalls of potassium. Did I say gypsum? make me whip this out,” I add, holding the Hey, anybody got a spare elements chart on Round-Up high. “I’m tellin’ ya, one more patch of clover and I'll bring all the neightheir person? Not that I don’t sometimes dream borhood dogs over and feed them some of that Beefarino from that Seinfeld episode.” CAPITOL HILL PaCS A CMU I know others don't see their grass as the Suffice it to poetry for a couple bags changed his Snowbird/Alta Solitude/Brighton Salt Lake Valley 5°A because going lurking under the grass in a variety of spots. It seems that between the sidewalk, driveway, and road crews about two tons of excess rock resides here and there just under my grass. Now the soil sucks and-every year around July it goes Sahara on me. Vho’s going to want a game of croquet on a Carpet of half-dead grass? Are you going to dive for a badminton shuttlecock on a parcel of prickly brown wasteland? I think not. Il become a pariah in my own hborhood. No one will love me. My only friends will be the guys in white shortsleeve shirts on bikes. Obsessive. They said Howard Hughes was obsessive. Who doesn't like a clean house? APA 935 well rawford Oh sure, after having to mow every fifth day during the spring growth explosion, I’ve sat down and pondered my grass. Is it the es TICKETS said Joar a patch of mushrooms. It’s like fighting Large living area wi/fireplace, vaulted ceiling, skylights and sliding Sundays 2 pm & 7 pm The Salt Lake Acting Company Cys (oy me Coy ga) there. Obsessive. They Mike Tyson, only he keeps biting you on the spreader. Obsessive. They said Michael Jackson was obsessive. You mean you dont sleep in TO BC Ey Cem ee UD Fridays & Saturdays 8 pm and get to be laugh, me get You just don’t understand the struggle. It's man against unwieldy green foe, I tel ya. You deliver a punch — a couple bags of weed n’ feed. It counters with a dry spot directly under a sprinkler. How can it be dry there? You counter with some foot aeration so water can get through the turf. It feigns health, then delivers a one-two with Saturday's Voyeur '97 Imagine Deedee and the dancing version weed to the store color seems But then I'll Oh, hey, let and teeter on the brink of sanity. I crank the phone and call in a napalm strike. “Defoliate the whole damn 10,000 feet, airman,” [| shriek. Then I wake up with my face crushed into the grass in the backyard. Hmm... maybe I shouldn't have had that Jast fifth of Jim Beam. The sprinklers come on. I’m soaked and momentarily enraged. Wait, hey that one sprinkler head is aimed wrong. It’s missing a spot. FOR THE LOVE OF OD! ymments sut got to go some iron because the getting a little yellow. ah, a big fat guffaw. hunkered down in Lam Duc Som, surrounded by my lawn, I scan its stubborn dry spots, its invasion of the perennial beds, Welf Mountain 944-9444 645-9444 ibe i pens tei a ja Fern Bajrd ee say that had he put down his couple hours and picked up a of Turfbuilder, he would have rhyme-y tune. Obsessive, bah. They said Karen Carpenter was obsessive. Maybe she just wasnt hungry... .@ |