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Show WASATCH Commuting Or, I Am One MOUNTAIN TIMES Nonsense With My This holiday give someone a jingle. Civic by Randy Hanskat hen you're sitting in a 2,228 day old car, driving, no, hurtling down I-80 from Park City to Salt Lake City, you've a fair amount of time on your hands. After all, if you can’t keep things under control | Now — given three shoulders, and lanes, wide a runaway truck lane maybe should stay in bed. — FREE you I tend to think of other things than driving on my daily 31 mile commute. I ponder more global issues, such as the behavioral science behind people’s tendancies to rummage through their nostrils when driving. Is it because your hands are occupied enqugh so you can’t do anything fun, but not enough roaming? Or is it enclosed within shells? Hey, it’s won't see me grab to keep them from because people feel their Safety Glass tinted enough they this one... right. . . up... here. I peruse dumb bumper stickers on nearby cars. Mother of an Honor Roll Student at Pee Wee Herman High. Uh, excuse me but if you can’t get good grades in high school, all the while skipping class regularly, you must be dumber than a hunk of Velveeta. It’s ot exactly winning the Nobel Prize, so keep it off the bumper, gonna read it, because because I’m there’s nothing else to do while driving this canyon for the eight thousandth time, because I’m tired of watching you pick your nose. Wait, there’s another. Don't Blame Me I Voted For Bush. Don’t blame me for running you off the road into the #1 tee at Mountain Dell, and laughing while they squeegee you off the dash board, If not reading, eating is fun while commuting. When you take your driver’s test, they should make you use your knees for at least one third of the thing. Coffee here. Toast perched there. Reach for towel in back seat now. Change lanes using scar tissue on inside of left knee. Holds nicely. Who needs Isotoners? Here comes the infamous Runaway today? brakes get out It’s the Truck La >. Any tracks in it Hmm. I could always say my were spongy. Not a bad way to of that staff meeting. a constant search out here on commuting circuit. Search for the upcoming Highway Patrolmen. Search for the tricky path between the two converging semis. Search for that bagel you dropped under the seat on that last turn. Then when you make it to Salt Lake, you search for time. Would Ninth East be best today, or Seventh? Maybe Eleventh? Nothing like living on the edge when crossing the blind steeps at Eighth South. Got to size up your min- utes. How long before I'll be irreparably late? Better listen to the traffic report, not for route, but for excuses when my arrival is less than timely. Plus, that'll give me time h, another bumper sticker. Rush Is Look, Mr. Range far too egomaniacal Valid Retail Calling Motorola Classic II DECEMBER COUPON Plans 31ST Only Summit County Cellular Where PEGGY SUERMAN 640-0333 CELLULAR LAURA HOLLAND 641-1010 LESWEST™ CELLULAR to influence all but the densest of simpletons to stick his name on _ their bumpers. One day, searching for meaning in my commute, I lugged a dictionary with me in the Civic. After seeing what cuss words I could locate, I had only made it to Dimple Dell, so I thumbed to “commute”. Under the second definition, it said, “See sentence or punishment, as in commuting a sentence.” It is a sentence’ of sorts, doing the daily commute. You got to do the time, man. Except in commuting, there’s no parole board to get you out early for good behavior. No Steve McQueen to break you out onto a shortcut. Maybe that’s good, since you wouldn’t have to hang out with Dustin Hoffman in a cell eating insects beforehand. You do the time. That's the bad part of commuting. S40 ACTIVATION UNTIL PLUS A $20 REBATE Rover from Cali, Rush is Not Light would be more appropriate, not to mention fascist, racist, and 99 for a double latte at Ninth and Ninth! Right. $ does that time go? Somebody else who lives near where they work must get it. Probably comes in through the window every night about five, just when I’m getting in the car with 35 minutes to go. At least the Park City shuffle isn’t a traffic rumba. Theeeeeese ain’t no stiiinking Sandy thang, thank the Twinkie Kid. Now that would be torment. After all, if things get really boring for me, I can always steer with my feet. Or turn off the headlights on a full moon. Try that at 90th South at 6:03. Randy Hanskat is chief copy writer for Aller and Rasmussen Advertising in Salt Lake City. He is a former news and sports writer for The Park Record newspaper in Park City wy PAGE 17 Annual Service Contract required. New lines of service only. nothing else its not fruitcake. |