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Show DECEMBER APPAPORT re APPIN: 1995 atele I could really use a quick $2 million. Maybe you could open an offshore account for me and funnel it through GOPAC or Joe’s grandmother, I don’t care which. List > Enid’s Christmas Wish By IB. Rappaport My colleagues at The alternative tabloid that Congress, have uncovered Hill, the covers a docu- The folks at The Hill weren’t sure whether this letter is of any significance any longer, what with the Enid ment authored brouhaha by that apparently was Congresswoman Enid Greene mer staffers deserted says Enid’s he swiped rat-infested for- it as Mount St. credo he tant. ship. Dear Santa, As you have probably heard by things are a little dicey on my end. this that reporter all Thusly, believes information I have is decided in the importo print the thing verbatim: I wanted sonally, good that girl, in the news the E AT Y T | T 1 A ALN RAM E | I ! 7 those snipes media have been report- POLE ee into the tight I won on race. a the vende See off ee is ‘oe omnis eee Ee pats ning gifts from lobbyists. (Who needs gifts when you’ve got crese We : ‘ 6. the ative financing, anyway?) Make Joe’s dad shut the hell up. Things are bad enough, what with the FEC and the FBI and the The media is also reporting that money was an illegal campaign ‘F’-ing media without ing his mouth off. him shoot- Then get my father to put a sock in it. He’s going to blow the whole thing. Jeeze — what's wrong with that generation! an end to the Welfare State and get: ~ ting government off the backs of the : wealthy. I have played a key role in a : : that, Santa, just ask Newt. : ne So anyway, I’ve put together this 8. Get church officials to sympaaaa : ee thize with me. That’s crucial for modest list for Christmas and I hope you can see your way clear to making the appropriation: 9. Please make sure that Joe sticks to the story. It’s really the only way I can save my political PS ta career. Deniability 649-2155 the ee 5. 7- 1. BC Wee)-) ae eee in ‘96. a Ns Specialized Picture Framing is per- been what to think nage | hope Ted Wilson does run against me. He’s such a nice guy. I’m pretty sure I could beat him you have contribution. Picky, picky, picky. I have really helped Speaker Gingrich move the Revolution along, which ought to show that I really have been a good girl. We’re putting F . this to assure really despite money But I like issues. N I ing. They say I stole the election from Karen Shepherd with the lastminute injection of $1.8 million of my family’s CA 4. ; But But of the congresswoman’s like Helens. Waldholtz. One erupting now, Don’t let Karen Shepherd get appointed to the Federal Election Commission. That’s the last thing worked for Deedee, it can work for me. place by John Helton Bs ; aie the ‘96 election. I know 5 by ie believe in Santa Claus. they - Convince Newt that it won’t hurt him politically to stump for me in Utah. He can say it’s all Joe’s fault and that Joe needs help. 10, And that should leave the door open for the reconciliation following the ‘96 victory: We'll say Joe was suffering from Nixonitis but has undergone shock therapy and is expected to make a full recovery. Make them believe it, Santa! Well, there it is. It's not too much to ask, “iS it? Just call it the ‘Contract For Enid.’ Please sign and return no later than December 24. @ Klay Anderson Audio Inc. PRO AUDIO SALES AND SERVICES THE AUDIO SOURCE FOR 27 YEARS Our new store location and shipping address is 7054 South 2300 East Salt Lake City, Utah 84121, phone and fax changes too: USA Phone 801-94AUDIO (942-8346) Fax 942-3136 : ry ee . . : “Y ® . &S ve. oY PAGE Tohn P1995 18 Toll Free 800-FOR-KLAY email: <yalk@aol.com> n |