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Show JAnopaney SALMON OE | APPAPGORT APPIN’ Try our new APPETIZERS from DINERS CHOICE! > Live music, Lunch Specials Pool Darts, Putting Gree open II-/ Daily SS. - The Jammin Salmon is a fo € club located in the lower level of Z Place at 427 Main Street a Don't Miss fr gNLY suly ? Park City Call for Info 658-FISH oni so 2 Become UFOs and Aliens ee into the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame By 1.B. Rappaport WALKIN’ CANE MARK George Clinton's Horn Section backing an awesomely energetic rhythm and blues rockin show oaturey Travel Back in TimeTo National touring Act. just indu and THE P-FUNK r day Earthlings Dr Bi obKat : Regg%°: Roe cranking out, Local Faves Time, in essence, is another dimension. OK, what if the aliens were former K, here's the test: If you were an alien and could travel through space and go wherever you wanted, Earth? would you come to And particularly, would you go to Roswell, New Mexico? I mean what alien in his or her right mind would do that? It's dry and barren in Roswell and there are no night clubs or casinos or anything. OK, a swimming pool, if you're lucky. Frankly, that was the test I could never get around, and therefore I didn't believe in UFO's. OK, sure, there are still some nice spots left on this planet, like Park City and Tom Welch and Juan Antonio Samaranche on board. But after the indecent, I was still puzzled. Why on Earth would space travelers come Now at Wyoming Wear here? Say, you're zooming around the galaxy and you suddenly get a real craving for cow Exclusive Manufacturer of Thermal Stretch® ed for landing on earth, killing Holsteins and leaving without a trace, except for the tongue. Ah, Earth, you think to yourself. See, what I mean? Aliens are often credit- cow's missing tongue. It just doesn't add up. Unless, of course you consider this: Time travel. That's right, time travel! According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, space and time are linked. 0 PAGE 14 ¢ JULY 1997 Bu 801-645-9427 TT aie Sa pala ery i) Beret in Deer Valley Wolf Mountain 645-9444 Neate te POWDER BEACH REALTY ‘ern Bajrd sense, unless the time designs in the wheat fields, the whole nine yards. The former Earthlings, who coincidentally look quite Gen X with their big, bald heads and nose rings, have warped back in time to pick up the building blocks of life, because theityown DNA has become weak- ened and needs revitalizing. They scoop up some cow tongues and ‘ wheat and warp back to the future - wherev- er and whenever that may be. By the way, none of this has anything to do with lights in the sky, flying saucers or any of that other crap. That's all just a bunch of hallucinations. But I'm telling you, this time-travel stuff that Deedee Corradini, Tom Welch and Juan Sha} Prey a ee} et DROOMS« 2 BATHS « 2 CAR GARAGE Tes AUT Roleto Ae os) eto of this makes travelers need to revitalize their DNA after a millennia of outwitting Natural Selection and the evolutionary process that Charles Darwin made famous. Now suddenly, everything becomes clear - the missing cow tongues, the strange is the real key to understanding UFOs, alien beings and all that stuff going on in Roswell. Of course, I'm still puzzled by why it is ble bie ee ats aT 518 Historic Main © Park City, Utah & Jackson Hole Wyoming beings who left here sometime in the future, come back here now, even if they could? It None Corradini, Full line of tops, bottoms, socks and caps ing left the planet sometime in, say, the 21st Century or even later. Now, you're probably asking why. Why in the world would former Earthlings, rainforest ruination, pollution, over-popula- when I, myself, I.B. Rappaport, was abducted by a UFO and found the likes of Deedee Hydro Cap Except rather than being trapped underground, the Earthlings - make that the former Earthlings - are traveling back after hay- just doesn't make sense, you say. Unless, one thing: DNA. That's right. tion, and on and on. So why would aliens Shorts Century. Ah hah! Now, it's beginning to make sense. Just like Bruce Willis in the movie "12 Monkeys." Draper and Cancun. But we're quickly making a mess of things: ozone layer depletion, want to come here? Of course, my thinking changed recently, WATERPROOF BREATHABLE QUICK DRY. Earthlings who were traveling back in time to visit Earth, circa the last years of the 20th é Antonio Samaranche were all on board the UFO that abducted me in April. And it got me to thinking, this Olympics thing may have a lot to do with time travel, deep space and the distant future. Notice the five Olympic rings. Now they must have something to do with E=MC2, the fabric of space-time and the notion that the Olympics are, somehow, bigger than life. See what I mean? @ |