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Show WASATCH MOUNTAIN TIMES First, | Win the Club Championship Then We Can Start a Family, OK Hun? didnt Guess another That By Randy Hanskat win the club championship. kids will just have to wait year, hun. was the deal, though I have nothing in writing, nor es. see, upon witnesstime my recreation to procreation. Being Full of boy-sized mind and maturity, I had trouble contemplating such a thing as children. “OK, as soon as I win the Golf Club Championship at Park City we'll have kids,” I said. She now claims she didn’t agree to such conditions and provisos, but I’ve got our cat, Bunky’s, word on it. So, when I hit my drive out-ofbounds on #16 and shot myself out of the tourney on the second day, my feelings were mixed. I wouldn’t win a free season’s pass for 1996 at the course, but I would get a season’s pass on the baby front, either. Whew! But Jane didn’t see things exactly that way. So now I’m bustin’ rocks on a sexual chain gang in the quest for diaper rash. Still, my linking of such a worldly event with a sporting event made me ruminate on how I tell ya, I think we're in its clutches — the sports juggernaut. The “trial of the century” now features The Juice. of the sporting ESPN than faux sincerity bonkers. Take language — it’s full of dopey sports metaphors. Life is a Evening A great idea or concept is a another No, but I made second base. dunk, baby. The deal Many our politicians of is it to a slam now come from the playing arena — Jack Kemp from the quarterback post of the Bills, Bill Bradley from the backcourt of the Knicks. Even J.C. Watts, the freshman Congressman from Nebraska, was a Husker QB/God. And don’t forget Charles Barkley’s political inklings. Let’s see China try to push us around on trade or human rights with a 6’6” 250 pound U.S. President dumkin’ on ’em at the negotiating table. As for common reference, everybody in America knew Cal Ripken , was about to break Lou Gehrig’s ' consecutive game streak. But if asked, how many on a map, much Rhode Island? could place Bosnia less Manitoba or in section American. [i score last night? stomaching News. home run. The competition threw us longer just that, they are players. Real brown nosers are real team players. The girl was a knockout. The competition had us on the ropes. Did you even Store Bicycle Service Camping ® Sales @ Professional High End Rentals @ Clothing Equipment world Dan reading And the on Rather’s the CBS morning begins with the Sports Section of the newspaper, right? Reaching for a curve . Corporate executives are no doesn’t way more fun watching and hearing Chris Berman ham his way through the news sports crazed I am. In fact, it seems most of America has gone sports game. He need a name, just mention his highin-Vitamin-C moniker and you're ready to debate DNA tests versus yards per carry. And any self-respecting gang member needs to sport (sorry) the latest L.A. Kings or L.A. , er, Oakland Raiders jacket. A pair of Shaq’s Reebok Pumps finishes out the ensemble, nicely. But when you get right down to it, why not be sports possessed? It’s Outdoor first is just, well, un- borders on obsession. I know a particular Dallas Cowboy football fan who has had this sort of problem since an early age. His father eventu- ally forbade him from watching Cowboys’ games at the house when he was in junior high. It seems if the Pokes lost, he would get so possessed he would rant and rave about nothing else for days. But he’s come a long way: Now, if we go to watch a Dallas game at a bar, his only necessity is to wear the same clothes he wore the last time the team won . . . and they better not have been washed. That breaks the spell, you know. Sounds reasonable to me. If I'm playing a softball tournament and doing well, my clothes cannot be changed no matter how many games we play. Needless to say, after eight games in Mesquite in heat this June, I lent a meaning to “agony of de What's that, hun? again? But, but, the Gators, EAT ‘EM. Get October 15, 1995 9 am to 7 pm Black Diamond 2092 East 3900 South 278-0233 106-degree whole new feet.” Time to try game’s on. back to me at halftime, hon, OK?@ PAGE.7 If you miss it, you'll be be bummed. ; o a é: any wife Jane weaseled me into talking about changing the role of sex from ie Once TGS CYCLERY ei YOu 94 West Ist North Moab, Utah 84532 259-5333 |