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Show eee SAS } ye 4s ee Page 4-Wasatch Canyon Reporter, 8 February- 21 February 1995 ETTERS T0 THE EDITORS Dear Editors: think it’s high time to grab. the bull by the horns and answer the question directly: Would you let your sister they want to put them in Have you and your readers been watching the new show on cable called Beach _ Challenge (or was it Beach Clash)? It’s like Baywatch... without the annoying distractions of a plot and dialog... you owe it to your con__ Stituents to point it out. Are you puzzled by the new gang in Congress? I --mean.... they want to outlaw orphanages at 40k a year/per kid (what’s an. abortion cost? A couple hundred? And a condom? Geeesh, these guys make no fiscal sense!). Then once the unwanted orphan turns 16, they want to try him as an adult and kill him under their get tough capital punishment program. Can’t see how this makes fiscal or moral _ shouldn’t be. Then, once they have the kid they don’t want, tion in a letter response, but I ability and education on birth. control, which will make par- ents out of people who by request. SALT EATER _ SPORTS Thank you for your input. Dear Publisher, I would like to take a moment to address the scur| rilous slander afforded me in the last issue. You question my actions on the basis of | dignity. Dignity? Do you call yourself dignified? Really John,I left dignity back in Maryland 11 years (Next to Albertsons ) S-200 Tel.(801)567-0132 -pher your twisted version of morals. According to your S-200 Retail - $250.0 doctrine, a women in mar- ‘Tlage is a possession? Hardly- Sale - $189.29 Dear Buffoons: I am writing this letter to responsibility. I faithfully — Anyway, I just want to congratulate John and Dave on what I see as a sign of maturity. A long-awaited sign. I salute you both. paid the generous asking Fondly, Adam William Chase price of $20.00 for a sub- PS: I offer you my pro-bono legal services if your paper ‘should need occasional legal advise for its staff. express my deep dismay at your publication’s lack of scription to your “newspa- © -yet- bave failed te receive any issues. Have you done such a poor job of runEditor’s Response: | ning that rag that you have . Where were all you not been publishing? Or are ~ lawyer-guys when I needed | you sending my subscription to Fiji? ; | By the way, I con- gratulate you Enjoy oe Warmth of Our Fireplace the view point we would expect from a nineties mysti- . While You Dine Go urmet et Lunches Appetizers _ Excagot, Pates, Seafood , daily Desserts Our own German style hot Apple Strussel with a Brandy Vanifla Sauce and other extravagant desserts with — Salads | pe Pasta, Chef _ Espresso and Cappuccino We take pride In preparing, SELECTED God F afites, So All areFan a ; as Sefeot.§o one Seco. Wie Pencarits and Eorings. cn In our own WINES AND | kitchen, cit of the foods thot we serve. CORDIALS AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST DISTINCTIVE GIFTS iste. indian Jewery ond Pottery. and ORs RESERVATIONS REQUESTED 742-3037 ; - you? Another sign of maturi- - ty: Ino longer need criminal attorneys to explain my mis- _chievous deeds to the judge, on your wis- dom for replacing me for Brady. I am obviously more qualified than he will ever be. Adman- I believe you struck I also saw Dave Peck while I was in Vail over Christmas. erence. _ that this letter serves as notice that I want a job application. See how handy a law degree 7 ‘is? Editor’s Reaicases now I need divorce and tax. attorneys. I’m growing up! a nerve with that “pear” ref- fine gifts and cobectihies See below... Publisher’s Angry Response: As I recall, Mr. Chase, your ski impersonation was something between Suzy Chapstick and an outright ass wiggling Vaidle. Is indepen-— dent leg action still complete-— ly unknown to you? Do you still regard big air as something that you puff into your tiny chest? Come on out here you shyster and learn how to run with the big dogs. Dear Editors: | -T want to tell you all: voles a _ great paper you’ ve got going! _I don’t live in UT anymore, lost back east on some sand ~ bar out in the Atlantic Ocean, _ - Another sucker... another up to $20. Bahahahaha! (“Job You | application?” Who is being in the billed for all the time you shot? spend writing us — letA powder shot is ephemeral, ters?) diaphanous, there to be Dear Editor and tracked and trashed. This is Publisher: how you equate women? We > Like the early snow that | here at One Wasatch Place has yet to fall here in believe the mystery of Colorado, your inaugural women is far deeper than the issue of Wasatch Canyon _ kindest powder day. And to Reporter was a sight for sore further abuse your analogies, - eyes. Your readers are proba. you once again slash your bly thinking, “Gosh, [Pll bro’, “Long” Jon Atencio, by agree that this paperis quality referring to him as a mere - journalism that is well suited “gawker.” Ron dammit grow for toilet reading, but I dare say it’s not exactly in the | up. Would you sue the corp. “sight for sore eyes’ catego_ ry.” Allow me to correct that ‘misconception. | cal kinda guy. Get date, Ronny Joseph. compare a woman Wasatch to a powder UPPER LEV El, WATSONS BASE OF GERMANIA LIFT «ae ALTA (Ed.’s Note: Mr. Bresee is still doing that REpeEsen ation.) come crying to me when your philandering makes the press. You will all be happy to know that his hair is doing fine, .even though a little thinall know, women in the ner. He told me he may try to canyon. are hardly possesgo on the pro-mogul tour this sions (unless they’re married, _ year. That may be just a little of course). Would you slantoo much skiing for him der me further if I stole your | though. Pll be out in March favorite powder shot out from so schedule all litigation for under your nose while you then. Keep in touch with stood there gawking? I rest yourself, Edward J. Caroll my case. Sincerely, Ron HI, ESQ: Penner, Salt Lake City PS: Since I also ew that Editor’s Response: ‘Utah law requires you to give - Move slower here younme a job application if I ask gin’. We are trying to decifor one, please be advised ~TS1 E. 9400 S. _ Sandy Ut 84094 Sale - $149.99 So don’t ago. Additionally, I live by timeless canyon standards: steal no possessions - as we - (Business Hours)10am-8:pm Mon.-Fri. 10am-7pm Sat. S$ -100. Retail - $200.1 —only to his explosive temper. on the hill; 1 don’t think so. Name and address withheld — et, Editor’s Response: sense...perhaps you can shed some light on this for me. Still waiting for you to tackle some tough issues in the editorials...you danced around the snowboard ques- abortion and restrict avail- marry a snowboarder???I think not. Did you hear P.J. _O’Rourkes latest quote on the subject of the grunge look? Something like, “Pull up your pants, turn your hat around and get a job!” Eagerly awaiting your response, for crashing but reading the W.C.R. really brings back a lot of great layout, articles, and ads are | very professional, which will hopefully lead to a long life and successful paper. Also, you have some incredible “East Coast Public Relations” — | guy. What do you pay him? Keep up the good work. (Name withheld due to UT law enforcement & whoever wears a badge or works for the government) -ACK [Ed.’s Note: We generally will not run letters. that do not have a name, but this one does not contain an attack on any person or business AND ACK’s nutty. reason for withholding her name is amusing.] Editor’s Response: Thanks for your interest. I knew John and Dave dur- __ ing their formative years. If You aren’t fooling us though. you know them now, you’ll agree that the current editor paper you would not tell that If you had actually read the lie about looking profession- and publisher of this periodi- al. As for what we pay, you cal still are and probably always will be in their formative years, so suffice it to say that I knew them back in the will be excited to learn that the publisher, editors, mystic days when the word puberty was still familiar verbiage. In those days John often impersonated a spinning pear on skis, and Dave’s explosive ground-copters were second — memories. I found that the and everyone but the sales — reps make EXACTLY THE SAME WAGE! Nothing! Except for the sales dudes, this is an all-volunteer paper, although not by choice. |