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Show CLARK PEST CONTROL NOW HIRING FOR OUTSIDE SALES POSITIONS IN: *BAKERSFIELD, CA *LANCASTER, CA *VISALIA, CA *FRESNO, CA *SANTA CLARITA, CA CONTACT TEAM LEADER PARKER FOLKMAN 208-221-7578 :II■mmCLARK PEST CONTROL • a Monday, March 29, 2010 Broken: Beaten back by the bush Icontinued from page 11 SUMMER JOBS MAY - AUGUST PARKERFOLKMAN@GMAIL.COM Views &O p inion Page 12 you so." All I needed was a moment to collect myself, let the pain pass as it had before, finish what I had set out to do and return to the office. It was only 10:30, and I still had at least three more hours of work before the Statesman would be ready to send to the presses. There was no option: the students of Utah State University needed their free McDonald's smoothie coupons, and I had a job to do. It is well known in the Statesman office that a few times a night I like to step out the back door of the office to calm myself with a breath of fresh air, and while it isn't uncommon for a member of the paper's staff to seek me out in the moonlit sanctuary of the bookstore's loading dock, I hoped and prayed, in vain, that I would make it back inside unnoticed and my mishap would remain my dirty little secret. It wasn't meant to be. She must have heard my moans, nay, my shrieking from the base of the shrubs behind the Fieldhouse the moment she stepped through the door. "What are you doing down there?" She asked, "Are you Beautiful. Enduring. Remarkable. An expansive collection of the most memorable diesigns created with the most meticulous attention-to-detail. From the classic creation to the modern marvel, each ring exhibits quality fit for a Queen. gaguw&a, 930 N. Main St. Logan, Ut. 435-753-9755 Come in and enter to win a Caribbean Crusie for 2!! More Details @ Www jerricksfinejewelry. corn or on our Facebook Fan page!! Good Luck! OK?" That question required no real answer, only laughter. I lay curled in the dirt with my jeans unbuttoned and my zipper down. I hadn't even accomplished the mission at hand. She offered to help, and I quickly declined. "Go back inside," I whelped. "I'm fine." It was becoming more apparent to me by the second, this was clearly a lie. Somehow I managed to pull myself to my feet and hopped back inside where I was met with bellowing laughter from the Statesman staff. The boss had busted his ass in the bushes and word had traveled fast. Embarrassment was the least of my concerns. My ankle had swollen to the size of a baseball and I still had to pee. Will Holloway, a senior in philosophy, writes a religion column for the Statesman that runs every other Wednesday, and for some reason, he never starts it until the night before. He shows up to the office late, after a martial arts class, still wearing his white uniform and his purple belt. It's his unique wardrobe, his long, blonde hair and beard and the nature of his column that have earned him the nickname around the office of Ninja Jesus. This night, for the first time, I was glad Ninja Jesus was a procrastinator. Two things had to be done and they had to be done fast. The first was resolved with the help of a frozen bag of mixed vegetables from the office freezer and a scarf our advice columnist Miss Jones was wearing that evening. With my ankle wrapped in a makeshift icepack, the second was handled when Ninja Jesus picked me up, plopped me in an office chair and rolled me to the handicapped stall of the men's room. Fortunately, the TSC had been closed for about an hour, and the only individuals we encountered on our short journey were a few members of the Facilities staff. I don't begrudge them for their chuckles or hard fought smiles; I can imagine the sight they had unexpectedly thrust upon them. Two grown men, one in a karate uniform pushing another wearing frozen food, racing from side to side of the first floor hallway, battling a sticky wheel on an office chair in an attempt to avoid colliding with trash cans or unwillingly bringing new meaning to the "Wet Floor" signs that litter the TSC late at night. I could hear Ninja Jesus through the open restroom door. No sooner had I been safely transferred from one throne to the other, he sprinted back into the corridor for help. At this moment I realized the humanity and goodness present in people when their fellow man is in peril. WWNJD? I hadn't been shot or hit by a bus, and although in a great deal of pain, I realized the humor of the situation. But through the laughter there was sincere concern. The holy ninja found one of the night crew, and by the time I was half way back to the office, where I would spend the next three hours on the verge of vomiting, we were met by a second member of the evening staff. He had been radioed, raided the ice bin in the Marketplace and caught up to us with two large bags of ice. (A few days later, the same fellow would come to my rescue again, producing, as if by magic, a rubber tip for my cane after witnessing my struggles mating bare wood and linoleum.) For those of you who haven't had occasion to utilize one of a USU student's most valuable resources, allow me to sing the praises of the Student Health and Wellness Center. I showed up the next day without an appointment and was quickly squeezed in. Of course, they laughed too at the incident that brought me to their doorstep, but my well being was their foremost concern. I will not soon forget the conversation between the nurse and Dr. Davis upon his entering the exam room. The nurse was concerned that Dr. Davis would be late for an important meeting he was due to attend in a matter of minutes, to which he simply replied, "Students come first." By the time I had finished the initial exam, the center's radiologist was walking through the front door. He had been grocery shopping when he was called, and had dropped everything to rush in and X-ray my ankle. Once Gary had finished exposing the film, I was reunited with Dr. Davis. He had apparently blown off his meeting to review the scans and explain to me how the fiasco had caused the ligaments of my ankle to rip bone from bone. It's been six days since Brian, the physical therapist, firmly strapped the Frankenstein boot to my ankle, and I have now settled nicely into my alter ego of Dr. Gregory House. Hobbling around with a cane in one hand and a bottle of pain medicine in the other, I have grown to appreciate two very important things, the moral to the story, if you will. Never underestimate the compassion of those around you, and never, never, underestimate the wrath of a living thing that doesn't like being pee'd on. Patrick Oden, editor-in-chief of The Utah Statesman, is a senior in print journalism and history from Miami, Fla. Comments can be left at www.aggietownsquare.com UtahState University iniFFFel WEDNESDAY, 3/31 SCIENCE QUIZ BOWL TUESDAY, 3/30 TSC AUDITORIUM 2:30 PM SCIENCE DEMO SHOW etc no STARGAZING AT TRUE AGGIE NIGHT STARGAZING ON THE QUAD 9 PM KISSING BEGINS C~ MIDNIGHT 7 PM OR. HUBBARD 8 JAMES COBURN SHOW OFF THEIR SWILLS FREE ACME ICE CREAM! a GRADUATE RESEARCH SYMPOSIUM Tsc GRADUATE RESEARCH SYMPOSIUM TSC THURSDAY, an OLD SCHOOL "BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY" EPISODES SUNBURST LOUNGE @ NOON ELEMENTAL BINGO SUNBURST LOUNGE @ S PM STAG MOVIE NIGHT: SHERLOCK HOLMES TSC BALLROOM, SHOWINGS @ 6 PM & 9 PM :WAY, 4/2 FREE BREAKFAST WITH THE DEAN TSC PATIO, 9-10 AM SCIENCE UNWRAPPED: ORIGINS OF ORIGAMI ESLC 130, 7 PM |