| Show Dm Eagle -- Psg8 11 1093 Dwraday February Who are the ten couples who will not be at the upcoming CEU Sweetheart's Ball? by Mark Justice ASCEU president Tonight is the night of CEITS annual Sweetheart BalL Anight putting these couples together 10 Prince Charles and Lady Diana: the way these two have been acting I think we can assume that the crown jewels became worthless where nearly two hundred men and xxnen will hit the dance floor in search of a night of thrills A time where bodies collide sweat flows down and all of this after they leave the dance If the past is any indication tonight will most likely be a night of lust Lust a word that best describes our mood on dates than any othcrTo some lust is but a mere hobby Something the individual doesn't consciously realize they are thinking until the sweaty palms go into motion A word that to some causes a fear of the unknown but to most is the basis for any given date A word that causes me to draw n Kenobi light saber and do battle today my For I like many others am a hopeless romantic A person that was better meant for the days of knights and dragons than our modem day world I dream of falling in love at first sight and riding away into the sunset on a noble white horse I want to settle down with my one true love and have the story end "they lived happily ever after" These hopeless romantics are the types of couples we need at our dance tonight Couples in love that need no more than each other's eyes to find true ccstacy Alas such couples will not be found at our dance tonight Our dance will be filled with the sweaty heathens that we're so accustomed to Wait in the distance I hear something what is it? It's whispering "if you write it they will come" The moral imperative has called me and I must do something to delay those spiritual babies from coming into the world tonight As I ponder this the spirit (or David Letlcrman) is moving me into action I will write the lineup to create the ultimate safe sex dance Couples that have absolutely no chance of being attracted to each other Couples who by merely being together are considered safe sex couples I have faith that if I write it they will come Here are the top ten couples least likely to have any sexual magnetism between them Please understand its not me its the spirit long ago 9 Murphy Brown and Dan Qualye: even if good old Dan wanted to he wouldn't dare try anything (Hi Murphy Can you say "single mothers” 8 Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafucco: Joe says they were only friends and do men ever lie about their relationships Amy no weapons please 7 Susan Folster and Eric Anderson: this newspaper advisor and ASCEU would be more likely to kill each other than hold hands 6 Oyde Larsen and Madonna: Madonna once said she could get any man She may meet her match tonight Vegas however only has 3 to 1 odds S Etrick Turner and Tristy Atwood: in this very column months ago they started their war The rally oral action between these two tonight would be strictly argumentative 4 Hilary Ginton and Rush Limbaugh: the first time Rush makes vice-preside- Obi-Wa- nt Privately funded scholarships are available Many have no GPA financial need or age re- FOOTLONG SUB quirements Results guaranteed Request free information from SCHOLARSHIP LOCATING SERVICES PO Box 17315 SLC UT 84117 purchase of a medium soft drink On coupon per cutfomer par wm I THURSDAY 11 Eagle MNceSen FRIDAY 12 SATURDAY CEU el Dixie WHS MSB CEU el Sneer WBOS MSB MSdOpLm Scapino TUESDAY 19 Isstai hVEDNESDAY ffcUAYTTHIDAY CMeeCEU UT WMSdOMM ItKfJH LeeKfcyteDrep BUT I1ICHEN1'9 DAY MONDAY" 3HESDAY nt department CEU student nurses' annual ANY - vice-preside- Valentine bouquets offered by nursing SCHOLARSHIPS With fun of a feminist hell find himself unable to do anything sexual the rest of his life 3 Ted Kennedy and his mother this might be the only lady he doesn't try to score with On second thought we better not invite Ted 1 Aland Tipper Gore: after seeing these two dance on innagural night I'm sure the magnetism between these two went out years ago 1 Jeff Piacitelli and any two girls: my academic was recently seen taking two girls at once to the movie By doing this it almost guarantees one to be on their best behavior That is unless polygamy is back in Utah With the addition of these couples to the dance I feel they will be the right influence on all of us Hopefully they will be a reminder for you men and women to treat your date with the utmost respect As you take your date home tonight look them into the eyes and give them a simple kiss on the cheek As you walk away they will realize that you aren't a typical individual out for a night of lust MVEDNES FRIDAY ftrenTeMgM TSATURDAY 3 ff Feendw'eDey (Entire SAC) (Mt-fili- SMTHp CNCCveCEU Che AIDS AWARENESS WEEK VeeBl Weriahey Valentine's fundraiser includes selling balloon bouquets and singing telegrams in honor of Cupid's holiday Proceeds will assist in funding the pinning ceremony scholarships and dues to the state nursing association Balloon bouquets and the telegrams are $5 each and $8 for both Contact Sharon Dixon at 637-78or nursing department 36 0 Accident coat from pg 1 lodged in his spine After what appears to be a successful surgery to fuse his spine together Stevens is now residing at his home Ekins and Dubios received minor cuts and bruises and were released from Mountain View Hospital later that morning Funeral services for Tail were held at the Lindquist Mortuary in Ogden followed by a grave side service on Thursday Feb 4 Funds donated by CEU students and staff to help the Tail family with funeral expenses were returned lo the college and asked to berpul towards a debate scholarship dedicated in Miss Tails name Each year a debate scholarship will be awarded in memory of Miss TaiL recrultor from USU will be on campus Tuesday Feb 16 In the SAC lounge froml0arn-- 1 pm A |
