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Show VARIETY. CRITIC-A large dog that goes unchained, and barks at everything he does not comprehend. AN intelligent compositor out West made the queen of the ball wear a pair of delicately tinted satin "scandals." DIGBY says that he has suffered more from a "cold shoulder" than he ever did from a cold winter. "JONES, did you ever see a snail?" "Certainly," said Jones. "Then you must have met him." AN advocate of cremation urged as one great point in its favor that "it would save many a dead person from being buried alive." "ALWAYS pay as you go," said an old man to his nephew. "But, uncle, suppose I haven't anything to pay with?" "Then don't go." TO the high spirited but poverty-stricken man there comes nothing that can thrill him like the joy he feels when he discovers that, his coat tails are long enough to cover up a patch that has got to go on his pants. THE following is now being debated before the Tilletudlem Lyceum: "Which causes a girl the most pleasure-to hear herself praised or another girl run down." We shall issue the decision in an extra. "DON'T sit so far away from me, Harry, dear," she said to her lover while they were steaming up the harbor with the excursion "don't sit so far away and turn your back to me in that way, people will think we're married." "GREAT snakes!" Philadelphia has just added eighteen boa constrictors to its Zoological Garden. These sweet pets will require 27,000 rats a year. If rats have any sense at all they will leave Philadelphia quicker then they would a sinking ship. A BANGOR (Me.) sewing machine agent, named Pendleton, recently thought he would test the affection of his wife. He accordingly went upstairs opened a window, tied a stout rope to something in the room, fastened the other end around his body and stepped out of the window. He then made a noise to attract the attention of his wife. She came upstairs, and seeing his perilous position, realized the necessity of doing something at once. Accordingly she seized a knife and cut the rope, thereby precipitating her husband 25 feet to the ground. He escaped serious injury, and has no more doubts of the stability of his wife's affection. A young physician was engaged to be married to a young lady in a Southern State, he residing in California, and as a keepsake sent her a small nugget of gold. He was prosperous, and the wedding was fixed for an early date. But a sudden fall in his circumstances reduced him to poverty. Too honorable to hold the young lady to her promise in his altered circumstances, he reluctantly and with many a heart pang wrote releasing her from her engagement. But the young lady had a brave heart, and resolved on keeping her promise in spite of the change in her lover's position. She took the little nugget of gold and had it made into a ring, which she sent to the young physician. On the ring was the inscription-"Entreat me not to leave thee, for whither thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be by people and thy God my God the Lord do so to me, and more also ?? but death part thee and me." Ruth ?? SLIGHT mistake at Rockland New York [unreadable] for the purpose of ?? ?? offered to perform a sleight of hand trick with an egg, as he had witnessed it at a public entertainment. The egg was produced by the hostess. The young man took the fruit in his hand and then it suddenly occurred to him that he had forgotten how the trick was performed. He stood before the guests looking like a silent allegory of misery, until in a fit of anguished absentmindedness he unconsciously pressed the egg a trifle to firmly with his hand. It wasn't a young egg by any means. Oh no. It was old, and ?? and ??, and was so very powerful that the company wondered, as they rushed out of the room and thrust their heads from the windows for fresh air how the young man could have possibly broken a thing so strong. The [they] cleaned off the Thomaston young man by dragging him over the grass by his heels. |