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Show friday COMICS ADVERTISING : 801.581.7041 NEWS : 801.581. NEWS FAX : 801. 581. FAXX EDITOR IN CHIEF: Emily Andrews e.andrews@chronicle.utah.edu MANAGING EDITOR: Niki Harris n.harris@chronicle.utah.edu PRODUCTION MANAGER: Grey Leman d.leman@chronicle.utah.edu ASST. PRODUCTION MANAGER: Nick Ketterer NEWS EDITOR: Topher Webb t.webb@chronicle.utah.edu ASST. NEWS EDITOR:Anna Drysdale OPINION EDITOR: Katherine Ellis k.ellis@chronicle.utah.edu SPORTS EDITOR: Ryan McDonald r.mcdonald@chronicle.utah.edu ASST. SPORTS EDITOR: Chad Mobley ARTS EDITOR: Frances Moody fmoody@chronicle.utah.edu PHOTO EDITOR: Chad Zavala c.zavala@chronicle.utah.edu ASST. PHOTO EDITOR: Conor Barry ONLINE EDITOR: Brittany Green b.green@chronicle.utah.edu PAGE DESIGNERS: Emily Henson, Devin Wakefield, Ariel Froerer CARTOON BY LUIGI GHERSI I can't believe the govern- ment shutdown right after our rover discovered water in Mars. I wonder how it's doing. And then I told them that I only found water in Martian soil. 44'1'00 .3 STAFF PICKS: DESCRIBE THE MAN OR WOMAN OFYOUR DREAMS COPY EDITORS: Tara Downing, Emily Juchau, Taylor Stocking PROOFREADER: Kamryn Broschinsky GENERAL MANAGER:Jake Sorensen j.sorensen@chronicle.utah.edu Corrections & Clarifications The policy of Friday Magazine and The Daily Utah Chronicle is to correct any error made as soon as possible. If you find something you would like clarified or find unfair, please contact the editor at e.andrews@chronicle.utah.edu . The Daily Utah Chronicle and Friday Magazine are independent student publications printed during Fall and Spring Semesters (excluding test weeks and holidays). Chronicle editors and staff are solely responsible for the newspaper's content. Funding comes from advertising revenues and a dedicated student fee administered by the Publications Council. To respond with questions, comments or complaints, call 801-581-7041 or visit www.dailyutahchronicle.com. The Chronicle is distributed free of charge, limit one copy per reader. Additional copies of the paper may be made available upon request. No person, without expressed permission of The Chronicle, may take more than one copy of any Chronicle issue. Presented by: C C If-VR(5Ni C L E Find us on Facebook: facebook.com/ChronyFridayMag Follow us on Twitter: twitter.com/ChronyFridayMag 2 friday magazine Brittany Green-Miner Niki Harris pher Webb Downing Arash Tadjiki COPY EDITOR I already have a husband, so for the safety of my marriage, it would probably be best if I don't answer this question (I mean, obviously the answer is exactly like my husband. Except maybe not a bed hog who snores? And maybe he doesn't make me watch the football games he wants? And maybe he always lets me be right about things, even when I'm wrong? Or maybe he totally understands why I need those new shoes? Or maybe...). After careful consideration, I've narrowed it down to four characteristics. One: He cannot be a Yankees fan. I'm not dramatic or anything, but I would eat my own hands before anyone that stupid.Two: He must despise the Oxford comma with the same kind of fervor that I do. Weird quirk — deal with it. Three: He cannot have "concave pectoral muscles" (that one was courtesy of my father, who knows what I want more than I do, apparently). Four: He cannot be a serial killer, even if that's his dream job. I draw the line at murderers. Lizzie Bennett from "Pride and Prejudice" is the woman of my dreams. She is smart, reads books and speaks her mind. She can hold her own in a conversation with humor, wit and a touch of cutting sarcasm. Lizzie has a mind of her own and doesn't let others dictate her life. She is not willing to sell her happiness for a fortune or a comfortable life situation. She also marries Mr. Darcy despite his lack of social skills, because underneath all that awkwardness, he is actually a good guy. My dream man is a tall blond. I don't much care what he does, but I am proud of his ambitions. He is smart and knows a lot about almost everything. Mostly we agree, but when we don't, we have good arguments. He doesn't just agree with me, he can hold his own. He is kind and loving with our daughters. He loves music and every stage of our lives has a soundtrack. Most importantly, he is funny. He does things I can laugh about even years later. The woman of my dreams is like not there. It's almost 2014. Relationships are obsolete now. We're college-aged persons. We need to be out there getting brolic mentally and physically. Bonding with people at this stage is a waste. Don't make any connections in college. Don't talk to anybody. Don't ever participate in slacklining. Never learn the acoustic guitar. Listen to your iPod at all times. Stay singular. Stay one unit. Amass tons of money. Get power. Buy GTA V. |