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Show Page Six The Summer Chronicle, Wednesday, June 28, 1978 I eoifon Q e. tPnA ( U ness . hereSourutestweaponX Jack Bennyville and ITS CHEAP.,. LIGHT.. AND ) a Jim Bean chaser IMPACT ynjXPLopESQM So theie I was. Tiled, the kind of tired that comes from escaping a wieido it the- aiij)ot bv joining some cleanser salesmen who had just m lived in Salt Iake City fioin Waukegan, 111. where they had visited (he Jack Benny home, the Jack Benny grave, the giant it plica ol the Jack Benny snuff box and were holding each othei steady, arms and shoulders intertwined like a great ntijH dt to keep fioui puking at the unexjx'c ted mention of die woids "Jack Benin." - 1 1 . And now ihey vveie in S.dl I .ake City. Thev weie in Sail I .ake City to have a good lime. May Ik sell a hide cleansei. Have a lew laughs. So thev asked tne to show them aiound. I ii st ihev wanted lo gel di unk. We went to the liquor stole, li mghi a ( ase l Jim Beam, lolled our fleet ol lenled onto State Stirct lioin Fouith South and headed for the action, lust up was a Taco l ime on the right. A Fold Count i v Squue jammed wiih high sc hool gi'ls wearing long loinial dresses was ahead of us in the lane. Since I was dining the lead unit, I bumped it gently and leaned on the hoin while my compatriots spilled out the othei dooi and suiiounded the station wagon, a bottle ol bombon in each ol iheii hands. Soon the car ahead was sluoudccl in a thick cluster ol cleanser salesmen spreading the ii lave is ol seaiv lal oyer the w indows like a swarm ol T-Bii- drive-throug- h loc lists. hey weie saying ' lit v !" "Wanna the lest." things like: oine to a pai ty ?" and "We're not like all 1 c he gills were sc teaming and laughing and shouting things like "what the hey?" The tacos couldn't get through. So I jumKcl out, pulled the c lea user salesmen off the car .uid liied to teason with the gills, who by this time were i u ai catatonic I said, "What about it? These boys have a had rough time of it since thev left for vacation. You know, they sjx'iu a long time in Jack Bennyville, and now they're here in the city to lelax and see the sights. Sights like gorgeous girlsof Zion like youi selves. 'Be no serious thing. Just cruise around for a while. I lave a few laughs. Not even any nookey. These guys arc okay. How 'bout it?" "Well, I don't know. . .I've got my Dad's car. ..I have to woik in the morning. ..My face is broken out. ..My boyftiend might blow his brains out if he finds out." "Hey now, look back there. See 'em slouched there in misery, half a fifth of bourbon steaming through their Veins, looking over their shoulders expec ting to see Rochester looming high being them, lonely, loose and longing for a good time. You know how everybody puts Salt I .ake City down. Why don't we show them what kind of people live here in the city, huh?" "He's right. .Yeah, it's time we did something .1 different. guess you're right, who cares about a iob. . .What the heck? It's getting dark. Nobody can see my face. . .Right on, count me in." And, altogether, "But we're keeping our clothes ON!!" We joined forces, three salesmen, thiee South High School students and me stuffed into the cabin of a Monte Carlo which we quickly imagined as a neat, compact spaceship cruising cleanly past earth cars at an average speed of 110 m.p.h., followed by the rest of our squadron, similarly equipped, and singing "I Am a Utah Man Sir," in seven-par- t I . LETTERS LETTERS LETTERS immaculate deception LDS tion 3: This amendment shall take ratification. Sec Editor: " I wish to publically express through the Daily as a student, my delight in my Father's Day gift from the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-daSaints, of which I aman elder and current temple recommend holder. I went June 19 to the membership department to check on records of children I have by a former marriage. I have these children listed in the Hereditary Register, children for which I pay current child support and which I love. In the membership records, I found my sons' current ordinances and my little daughter's baptism were missing in the records. Upon further investigation, I found that my own children's names were changed on the membership and Form E records of the church. My understanding is that this is against the civil law. My daughter is baptized into my own church, without my permission, without my knowledge or consent, under a different surname! It is my feeling, based on this revelation of deceitful and illegal proceedings of my own church, that Jesus Christ would hide his face in shame to see double-dealin- g that goes on within the the dark halls of church leadership. It appears it is a current policy that children in the chun h can have name changes, ordinances performed and alterations in the records to change identity, even when it is illegal. Natural fathers are thus, in fact, disowned from their own children by dual bookkeeping which illegally "adopts" them into the family that any bishop in the church decides is best for them. I decry this unjust separation or divorce of children from parents carried on by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-da- y Saints. It is time the divorced fathers in the Mormon Church stand up to the hypocritical teachings which in the open teach about the father's role but in the dark snatch children from members indiscriminately. I took a covenant in the Temple of the House of God to uphold my church and the cause of Zion. Did the Mormon leadership take a covenant to lie and deceive??? I want answers now. Thomas Milton Tinney Utah-Chronicle- y non-Christia- ERA n enemies misinformed Editor: Several pieces in the local media lately have attacked the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) on the basis ol false information and bad logic. I've decided to go to the trouble to type up a letter in hopes of reaching some who oppose ERA on the basis of such misinformation and not a prejudice against the idea of equality. I. ERA is not long, involved and complicated. The full text is: Section 1: Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied by the U.S. or by any other state on account of sex. Section 2: The Congress shall have the power to enforc e, by appropr iate legislation, the provisions of this article. effec i two years after the date of That's all there is to it. , A simple statement of prim iple.and a it for a time and take effect. to way II. The polls show the majority of Americans do suppoit the Equal Rights Amendment. Rita Miller in a recent letter to the Deseret News editor claimed to have a poll showing otherwise, but her poll wasn't about the Equal Rights Amendment. It was about a whole long list of things. Apparently she thought it was all the same thing. I would say it is not, both by examining the issues and by seeing that the American people said yes to ERA and not to this other list. If the poll Rita Miller cited proves anything, it is that the American people will not turn the ERA into the thing she fears. III. The ERA should not be judged by those few among the supporters you may not like. It should be judged by whether it is right or wrong. If you can't be for it because you don't like this or that supporter, are you going to join the Communist Party U.S. A and the Ku Klux Klan in opposition? IV. The ERA in its origin had nothing to do with International Women's Year (IWY). It was first introduced into Congress in 1923, after women had spent about one half century working for the amendment that gave them the right to vote. It was part of the movement. The women who started it are dead now. V. The boycott tor ERA is not undemocratic, or a poor loser's tactic. Since when is it okay to "vote with your dollars" if you are boycotting pornographic: magazines, or refusing tp buy products of companies that sponsor violence on TV, but loathesome and evil to do it to secure n, equality? recall from my American history classes a celebrated tea party in Boston. The American patriots boycotted tea and certain other British products as a form of political piotest. They went so far as to dump the tea overboard in Boston harbor without paying for it. continued on page 7 I QQ . IO-fe- . . Plutonian harmony. To say the least, we were running scared. And when the word spread through the squadron that Jac k Benny might not be dead, all heck broke loose. One salesman tried to jump from the car and got his foot inches off the pavement before we hauled him back in. Another unbuckled his pants and begged one of the girls to eat him alive, but see just said, "yuck," and he crumpled on the floor in a blubbering heap. The third merely pushed the radio buttons frantically searching for a station that might be playing "Mv Baby Does the Hanky-Panky.- " hat was happening to the girls was worse. Boredom. pressed the gas to the floor, pushed that bugger to 140, tried to rape all three of them with one hand and shouted obscenities, one after another, into the wind. Nothing worked. They grew more bored. I guess I was too tired. But just when it seemed like I wouldn't be able to show the cleanser salesmen a good time, the fuzz showed, firing at will through our rear window. "Wait for the next column," I yelled. But w I Says Who? 99 "Don't ever forget that you just might wind up being wrong . . ." Jimmy Buffet |