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Show pipe cigars dont go on fishing trips and as you lay there on your back by the camp fire and look up Into the sky filled with rolling worlds, larger and grander than this one, perhaps the thought may creep into your noddle that the Great and Infinite God has been awfully kind in permitting you to live at all and deserves especial thanks at your hands for allowing you to have as much fun as you are having. Try it, you cent per cent, interest grabbing, old dromios, who say: "Oh, I can buy more fish with the money I spend on a trip like this. Of course you can, you worm of the dust. Suckers are as plentiful as people who borrow money and pledge real estate for security. You can buy cornmeal cheaper than high patent flour, too, and dry salt pork is cheaper You say, than porterhouse steak. You have, I time. "Oh, havent the too, if you would only take it. But you will sit there fingering gold that is so darn cheap on the other shore they use it for paving blocks and wont take a minute of time for anything else than the getting of it, thinking perhaps you will need it in cross ing the river, and all the time the rhythm of your heart beats your funeral march to the boneyard. Get out and get close to Nature. Listen to the birds sing. See the robins and the bluebirds, the jaybirds and the woodpeckers. Watch the gophers and the magpies and have a good time. Get your lungs full of good air and your soul full of peace and love of your Maker. Get Finch to go with you so you will have plenty to eat o The Utah newspaper prodigy, the Great and Only Three Cent, stated a few days ago that the parties that had been indicted by the grand jury when arrested would be arraigned before a justice of the peace, and given a preliminary hearing. What a masterly presentation of news to an intelligent public. A preliminary hearing after an indictment! Preliminary to what? Doesnt the infant know that after an indictment is returned, and the accused arrested, he is in court and obliged to either plead guilty or stand trial? That he is absolutely up against the real thing, as it were? It would be just as consistent to call the main bout at a prize fight or the benediction .at a church service a preliminary. .No, in the cases at bar the preliminaries were dispensed with, and the actions of the grand jury will not be reviewed 'by a justice of the peace. Imagination and speculation are all right for poetry, but the best news is facts accurately and intelligently stated. o A chewing tobacco famine is immi- nent all over the west say the dealers. The floods in St. Louis have damaged surplus stocks and "Star and Horse shoe are very scarce. By the end of another week shorts will be at a premium with chewers. o Mohammedan Slaveholders. Ninety per cent of the inhabitants of western and central Africa are Mohammedans, and every man of note in central Africa owns slaves, his station in life being rated by the number oi slaves he owns and the wives he possesses. When the girls reaAi the age of thirteen they arc, as a rule, wedded : r : THE SENATOR AND THE DOC. an sa-ay- s, II&NKKUtS Im lookin around fer some wan what can take th Job off th hands av th govermint, he sa-ay- s. (By Special Marconigraph.) Doc, me Oyster Bay, L. I., July 11. bye, said the senator, as he came out of the presidents chateau and addressed his secretary, who had been waiting on the front stoop for him, e ye acquainted in th town at all at all? Fer Im wantin to' find a caffy. Yerra, but Im that hungry, Doc, allanna I cud ate a cat. Wirra, but Teddys not th feeder he was whin he called on me at th lake. Twas thin he shoved Irish turkey inty like as if he hadnt ate anny-thin- g his e fer a mont.' Today hed naw-thi- n but some sharlot russies an earn starch custard wid leminade. Towld me on th quite that twas because was there fer a feed that owld Ha-as hed th light vittles put on. on an Come knaw. ye dispeptic, ye I can ate find me phere a bit, fer Ive something 'I wants to Ar-r-r-- fa-ac- y Ha-ay- some-pla-ac- tell yez.- e - J said the senator, some minutes later, as the pair sat in front of a pile of corn on the cob, "this is some' thing like. Sure, Doc, dear, theres nawthin like takin yer meals as owld nachoor intinded ye shud. Divil a wan av me appreciates atin earn Arra, frm a dish. But to extract it wid yer teet frm its native wid a spoon sure. Well, said elemints th wa-athe senator, finishing his first ear and reaching for another, "Ive had a gret time. There was me an Hanna an some av Hannas folks, an Ha-aan a felly named Griscom an his wife an daughter. Yerra, but th cams good, said the senator, reaching for another cob. I mind me av a story av mine phen he about an n first came to th counthry. Th seen had niver anny earn on th cob before, but he liked it, nabocklish, an he ate ivery kernel av it. Come ye s to th waither phen here, he he had finished th cob, aan go ye to th kitchen an put some more beans upon me sthick. Wisha, but mannys th time, phen I was worrukin at th King an had me dinner av a. Sun da at th boordin house Ive wisht fer some more on mine. But th landla-ady- , bad scran to her, said the senator, as he took another ear, wuddent give us but wan cob fer a meal. Jt Jt continued Well, as I was the senator, polishing off his cob with a dexterity that caused the late physician to the postoffice at Washington to wonder if his employer was going to become a case of cholera morbus later in the day and where he could get an assistant for consultation in case that he did, phen this light lunch that Teddy served us was finished, sure he said to th balance: Yell hov to excuse us fer a minnit or two, fer Ive something on me mind that I can tell only to th distinguished sinator frm Utah, th ohnorable gintilemin frm Ohio an th scratchetary av sta-atCome yez inty th back he an Ill talk to yez, he parlor, he says. We wint in, said the senator, taking another portion of the to us, he corn, an Teddy s Sure fellys Im in a divil av a sta-atIve this Alaskan , boundery on me hands an its to be setquestion he an to wanst. Ha-atled, he continued the senhere, ator, taking some more corn, does be havin flirted wid England, may th divil fly away wid th Sassenach, piously exclaimed the senator, helping himself to another cob, until he aint no good dealin wid her anny y, y an-cest- or gor-soo- . sa-ay- sa-ayi- n, e, sa-ay- s. sa-ay- s, sa-ay- sa-ay- s: e. To Build Big Bridge. The Strait of Canso, between Cape Breton and the mainland of Nova Scotia, is to be bridged. . The task is an immense one,, involving great engineering difficulties, and .the outlay is about $5,000,000.. The bridge will be a cantilever, with a span of 1,800 feet, more, the longest to the wprJJ, : he sa-ay- s, y sa-ay- s, Ive got to hov new .blood, WALKER BROTHERS Bankers. Twas thin owld Hanna got his Itlf Lake City. Utah Established 186 worruk in fer me. Yerra, but HanA General 2anklng Business Transacted. nas, a gret mon, devoutly exclaimed Safety Deposit Boxes For Rent the senator, taking some more of the corn. Sure, he sphake up at wanst. Yeve no call fer to look further, he Heres th mon ye want, he Utah Light & Power Co. tappin me on th choulder, INSTALLATION. frindly like. Sure, heres a mon phat ILIOTRIOAL.1 knaws more about Alaska nor anny him Twas mon livin. phat other Water 2400 n. p. Salt Lake Talk ...Steam 1600 H, P. Salt Lake discovered th island, he Water-50- 00 3 Ogden H. P. i.e about yer Water-20- 00 31 Leased Plant H. P. bounth Sure Tom knaws more about daries nor anny wran. Twas him phat GAB. bounded th island in tli 400 M Cu. Ft. Dally. Lake 3 Salt s th 3 Ogden pla-acWas ye, Tom, 60MCu. Ft. Daily, Then ye prisidint. I was, I 7 8. MAIN STREET. Ha-amek hov th job, he GALT LAK CITY. And that, said the out his senator, taking some more of the corn, LTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTfTTfTTTTTTTTTTTTfl manes that Ill be wan av th biggest toads in th politickal puddle before manny moons have waxed an waned, Order in some as th pote more earn an lets make a feed av it. And the senator leaned back in his chair and impatiently waited for the waiter to fill the order. I sa-ay- s. sa-ay- s, sa-ay- s. boun-darie- sa-ay- s, s. flr-r-r-r-- st sa-ay- e. sa-ay- s. sa-ay- s. y, pa-aper- s! sa-ay- s. o UNCLE SAM IS RELENTLESS. Your Uncle Samuel, he with the high hat the chin whiskers, the striped pants and the blue coat, is a peWe all take off culiar individual. our hats and shout for him on the Fourth of July and on numerous other Yet he is selfish, grasp occasions. ing and relentless and a chronic opHe is mercenary to a depressor. gree that is often annoying, in the matter of collecting revenue he is abHe exacts the solutely Implacable. payment of license for selling liquor even from the clubs. Strange as it may appear, the Alta club, the Commercial club, the University club and all along down the line to poor Bruce Johnsons club, every one of them is obliged to respond to the demands of the revenue collector. A move is on foot by a number of young men in the city to relieve the stringency of the Sunday beer supply by forming a club and they, too, will have to contribute to the national exchequer This is not only tyrannical, but it is It is a usurpation of humiliating. The Federal constitutional rights. when comheaded are thick judiciary to finer the discriminating local pared courts. The Federal courts are weak in logic. The analogy of clubs to the home which is its owners castle is plain enough, yet Uncle Sam fails to grasp the situation, classifies clubs with saloons and exacts payments from each alike, a decidedly aggravatIt is a cloud on ing state of affairs. the air of respectability that surrounds the organized dispensing of intoxicants. A club is a good thing for those that belong and with everybody except Uncle Sam. There ought to be more clubs and there doubtless will The saloons should disband as such and organize into general clubs. The admission fee for membership should be reduced to a minimum so that .the very poor and the very thirsty could join cheaply and quickly. They could then evade all license fees except those demanded by the general government, which is a small matter anyhow; they would in this wray be able to get their drinks at a reduced price and to get them on any day and at any hour, Then if Uncle Sam would only listen to reason clubs would have unlimited freedom, but as-iis they are subjected to disgrace anfl. holdup.. be. t COMMERCIAL NATIONAL CAPITAL PAID IN, DANK $200,000. GENERAL BANKING IN ALL ITS BRANCHES Directors James E. Cosgrlff, John J. Daly, O. J. Salisbury, Moylan C. Fox, J. a. Cosgrin, IV. P. Noble, Geo. M. Downey, John Donnel-la- n, F. Holden. A. NATIONAL U. of the REPUBLIC BANK 8. DEPOSITORY. ... FRANK KNOX. QEORQE A. LOWE. W. F. ADAM8. CAPITAL PAID - PRISIDINT VlCI PRESIDENT IN . CASHIIR 9300.000 Banking In all Its branches transacted. Exchange drawn on the principal oitles of Europe. Interest paid on time deposits. W. 8. 8- MoCORNICK. PRISIDINT - h. lynch. J. J. DALY, Manager a 8io. VICI-RRIS- T. Utafi Savings & Trust Go. SALT LAKE CITY. CAPITAL PAID UP $150,000 SURPLUS AND UhDiVIDED PROFITS.. $44,000 Interest paid on deposits. Loans on approved security. Acts as executor, administrator. guardian, assignee, roc iver. eto. . Title Guarantee Department: lumires Titles and makes Abstracts. Miss Nora Gleason. TEACHER. OF MUSIC STUDI O, tat B. FIRST 80. C A8TLE QATE CLEAR CREEK WINTER QUARTERS SUNNY SIDE D. PHONE 1289 L- - LUMP, NUT, SL ACK. ANTHRACITE ALL SIZES. J. SHARP, Agent TELEPHONE 429 73 MAinCOTREET j |