OCR Text |
Show fhl.PhiIlipr If MR. TWITCHELL COMES OUT AGAINST PLANNING Elmer Twitchell today came out with a post-war plan. Article one in the plan is a plan to abolish too much planning. "Over-planning has put the world where it is," he declared. "What this world needs most is less planning." plan-ning." Superdoop planning has been all the rage and it is at the peak just now but once this war is over you are going to see a terrific swing against anybody or any government with a plan, a chart or a blueprint, especially if it's hard to follow with the naked eye. The revolt against planners will be so big that both major political parties will adopt a plank that reads, "We promise to leave a few things to God, to nature, to the laws of gravitation and. to chance." And both candidates for the presidency will start their campaigns with a candid 'How can I solve everything? I'm as mixed up as anybody else!' " Suddenly Mr. Twitchell drew himself him-self to his full height of five feet four inches and announced his candidacy can-didacy in the first post-war presidential presi-dential campaign. Here is my platform, plat-form, he announced: 1 If elected I promise not to worry wor-ry too much. 2 I make the solemn pledge to voters that I shall draw up no involved in-volved plans whatever. , 3 I shall do what I can about forgetting most of the plans that have been piling up all over the premises. 4 I shall prohibit blueprints in government, and name in my Cabinet Cabi-net only men who have no especially bright ideas about anything, except golf and gin rummy. 5 In the appointment or election of all men to public posts I shall oppose op-pose any candidate who has ever been heard to say "Let's try this. It's something novel." 6 I promise an end to regulations and controls. 7 I give the American public my solemn pledge not to peer into the future. I offer my candidacy on a non-peering basis only. 8 I have no definite ideas about the Shape of Things to Come. But I shall do my best to avoid the cruller shape in my personal opinions. 9 It shall be my steadfast aim to respect the past, concentrate concen-trate on the present and let the future take care of itself. 10 1 promise nothing. I think a lot of things have to be left to Providence and all I agree to do is the best I can, which is probably prob-ably not any too dazzling. BLACK MARKET STUDIES He's Moochie the Butchie Who laughs at the charts, Ignores OPA and Loves all the black marts; A loophole he'll find in Each rule that is framed; He'd scuttle the war and Be quite unashamed. II. There's Sadie the lady Who's with him in crime; She grabs all the food she Can grab at one time; Whatever she hears that Our troops badly need She'll go for with vim and Incredible speed. III. And Chubby, her hubby. He too cramps the war By stuffing it down and Then yelling for more; A trio all out to Get all that it can . . . Will somebody rush the Insecticide man? 1943 VERSION Mary had a little lamb; Its fleece was white as snow; And everywhere the lambkin went The OPA would go! Jay Russell. Why Non-Politicians Go Mad "The Nickel Plate Road report showed an operating revenue of $88,-742,412, $88,-742,412, a gain of 47 per cent. Net income was $27,762,787, the highest in the road's long history. Taxes jumped from $3,500,000 to almost $23,000,000. The net income was $8,592,438, a decline of 35 per cent in a year." Newspaper report. With a bigger year the road might have gone much deeper into the hole. The first triumph you must gain in a Victory Garden is a victory over the impulse to let it go to the dogs. The trout season has opened in some states. And rationing has become be-come so much a part of life that when a game warden leaned over a bridge and demanded "What luck?" many a fisherman answered, "Oh, about 16 points worth." Theme song proposed by Maurice Turct: "Brother, can you spare a point?" "Remember away back," asks Merrill Chilcote, "when a 'sacrifice' meant a bunt with a man on base?" |