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Show I Qood Jokes No i Bain Wagons Its man wealthy onough to buy battor. Your granib'hcr Umilr with the good qua! lies ol Tha Bain, No and your gran 'children will be. Don't be m'tlrdi thrc it only one Beat in farm wagona. and experi cnee proclaim! Cain, alwaya Bain. When nced'Og Implement!, Vehicle! or Stovce, write ui We lave you money, give ycq good gooda and good treatment. Leading Implement Dealers Utah and Idaho Consolidated Tha Cld, Old Story. Ha couldn't read his title clear To mansions In tho sktoo, feet, ho had non anywl Ho didnt advertise Wagon and Machine Company h -- Chicago Houeea at Salt Lake, Ogden, Log Idaho Falla and Montpelier Roeord-Horm- Tho Rule of Golf. Twenty dollars for that si pie fall hat? You must ha craayl Clara Well, I must say lfs colag to my bead. Chicago Chronicle Tom GEO. T. ODELL. Gen. Mgr. lain St SALT LAKE CITY. UTAH Union Assay Office .. o. eoe a. Naaauaa. q aaotoa. uao hit mu oivv, uvea Mission Contributions. A. report of the Student Volunteer movement shows that 183.430 was con tributed for missions In tha last aca lemlc year In tha Institutions for higher learning In tha United States and Canada an Increase of fl0,540 ver the previous year. Of this amount 126,193 was for city and home millions, and $57,238 for foreign mis-Ion$30,150 contributed by faculties Ud friends, and $53,271 by students. Scattered Subjects. Tha king of England has In Asia mors than 200,000,000 subjects; la America. 7,500,000; In Africa, about 43,000,000; in Australasia, over 5,000,-00and In Europe, over 43,000,0001 Classifying them broadly by religions, there are 208,000,000 Hindus, 94,000,-NMohammedans, 58.000,000 Christians, 12.000,000 Buddhists and 23.000,-Oof of various pagan or tlaa religions. I 0, O non-Chrt- o Ws Maks Travel Easy. Five trains dally via the Atchison, Topeka A Santa Fe, Colorado to Kansas City, St Joe, Chicago, Galveston, El Paso. City of Mexico. Aak ma bout reduced rates. C. F. Warren, G. A., A. T. A 8. F. Ry.. 411 Dooly-BlocSalt Lake City. Utah. Mrs. An Elegant Sufficiency. Sllmdtet 'Eave soma mors of the mackerel, Mr. Boarder. Mr. Boarder No, thank you; hut 111 take a bucket of water. If you pleas, N. Y. Weekly. a : Insurance Journal a. No busines is so well supplied with trade Journal as that of Insurance there being over 70 of these weeklle; In the country, it Is said. They de pend largely on the advertising of thi o companies, and the withdrawal much of the patronage of the three blq life companies of New York as a re suit of the Investigation Is causing them some irnuMa. It PUTNAM FADELESS DYES color more goods, brighter colon, with 1 work than others. Knew What Ho Wanted. Young Gent Um er do you ever take back gooda and return the money? Jeweler No, air; but If you have an engagement ring, I'll melt It up for Clara Can you always you and pay for tha gold. N. Y. glnner on the links? Weekly. Claude Well, ai a rule, you can't tell him much. Cincinnati Enquirer. Embarrassing. Mrs. A. Taylor, of .Wharton, N. J, ays: "I had kidney trouble In ita most painful end eevere form, and the Tho Harvest. torture I went One ebbed a sapphire ea by v act-an-t through now aeeme hwwi allrml, to have been alNw atubMa hrtatlea drear wharo reapmost unbearable. I er!1 blailea have birred. had beck-ache- , peine Tho ripened, aun kUard field! ham yield in the aide end ed up llietr aM; Tha yeomen in their bln tha lolna, dizzy epella garnered bushels hold. end hot, feverish Tha aea son's wmlih la In; lha scales ham headaches. Thor fiXCIEBY' made I lielr leal The harvest aun, of red, haa aeltled In lha Weal! Hla wife Is at the aeaahore. And every day's a gay day; Hla daughter In with mamma. And every day's a wade .lay; But they write lovely letter! Ha gets one every pay day. Houston Host. Clarence I told the minister he might kiss you. Glairs liate. Drills. Cordelia And what did he sayf Settling. The seeJy-lookfnMercury tempering la used (or drills Clarence He thanked me, and aald stranger apwhich are to ho employed In perforat- that under the circumstances he proached the Questions and Answers ing glass plates. The drill la heated would forego the usual fee. Illus- editor. to a white heat and plunged Into tha trated Bits. May I have your assistance," asked, In fettling a wager?" mercury, which makes It extremely Human Nature. bard. The drill la kept molat with a "Certainly, air. The path of duty leads, 'tie said. "You're sure it'll be no double to aaturated volution of camphor and oil To But our of turpentine. The process requires A lot of people strive each day None at alL I'm perfectly willing considerable care and labor to produce To And a shorter cut. to help you. Chicago Dally News good results. "Let me have $10, then, I lost." That Was AM. When Booms Stop. leveland Loader. Elfle Jack and I fished for :our Easterner I understand the great hours yesterday. Hairy Persiflage. land boom at Du gout City Las colElsie Catch anything? Barber Hair cut or share, sir? lapsed. Elite (coyly) Only Jack. Royal Customer Eh? Oh, merely enL Westerner Yes; no use keeping II hank Magazine. you. now is land going any longer. All the owned by outsiders. N. Y. Weekly. Yes, Indeed. A Layman's Impression. She mid that alia thought It was perfect sa'.d the small boy, "wk.! "Father," Her Innocent Occupation. j hllM s a scientist?" "I wonder where Sue is? I haln't To go out for n row on a day like this; A scientist, my son, is But her linn were bare, and I sea with mln teen her this hour an' a half." iirrow. ran tell you things you already man. old She ain't fur." replied the will mean blisters toThat Mlsa n such unfamiliar lancuaco that morrow: Last time 1 seen her ahe wui killin' you Cleveland vgaril It as somoihlug brand new- -. a couple o rattlesnakes, to git rattles lYashlng'ou Star. enough to make s nerklace to wear to Not on the Programme. tbs party!" Atlanta Constitution. "Of course, she said, "yca've seva Dear! the cake walk. irntessor?" .Ulcla Oh. that iiem of you;- Pastime. ,a Popular The er tlie rake, madam? No," Inst the doa vst thing: As a revival of tho old English cusslm-itho I eturned I un "But iiriifos.utr. Alpliunsu say It la. p,. tom of shooting at the butts after iler a tro;u I"' wnrlh t.f Kta'iip rini!lt it yen i Divine worship, tha Amberley (Eng.) ' f'"'-bate nnliiize." 'i t:.j ill nai miniature rifle club Is open on Sun la very popular. day afternoons, and g -- y -- u-- kL-u- t- . were bearing-dow- n peine, end the kidney passed too frequently, and with burning sensation. They showed sediment. I became discouraged, week, languid and depressed, ao alck and weak that I could not keep up. An doctors did not care me I decided to try Dosn'e Kidney Pills, end with such success that my troubles were ell goes after using eight boxes, end my strength, ambition and general health le fine. Bold by ell dealers. 50 eents n box. Foeter-MilburCo, Buffalo, N. Y. secretions Tho harvest year la done! didst thou sain? What aald tho acalea In pounds when welchlnc out thy araln? How planted thee? And what? And how beneath the aun Didst thou thy daily vlflls keep with work begun? Didst toil a faithful day o'ar healthy planted seed Or didst thou, careless, tarry whilst tha raw and weed Crept In and left their suckers on thy harvest field? For by that record did thy garnWad harvest yield! n Buffered for White Lie. Ia e white Be ever Justified? That at least home people believe It has eo excuse is proved by the following tala: An ancient rabbi came to e city where ell the people were truthful, married one of the Inhabitants, had two children end prospered. One day a neighbor called when the rabbi's wife wee washing her heed, end the rabbi, going to the door, wee salted by false modesty end aald that ahe had gone out Thereupon both of hie children died, end, aa no one died in that city before reaching old age, the neighbors made inquiries, the rabbi confessed what he had done, and was ordered to leave the city immediately by thy dally tending shalt Life' harvest be. of buahola or a bursting sight to aao! Tha harvaat field of Life yields what thyself hath sown, what thou garnereth ia all thy vary own! Than on tho field of Ufa It pays with car to tend Thy dally duty to tha harvest's golden and. Bow only wholesome wheat In kernels sound and strong Pluck out tho stifling growth tho woods and tarea of wrong! lag, neivous feet and ingrowing naiia. One ebbed a sapphire aea by vagrant It's the greatest comfort discovery ol brasses the age. Makes new shoes easy. A Now stubble stirred, bristles drear whore reape re' certain cun for sweating feet 80,000 blades have whirred' testimonials of cures. Sold by all What gleaneat thou? A harvest from druggists, 25c. Trial package, FREE. laden field Address A. S. Olmsted, Le Roy, N. Y. Or shrunken grain? What la tho record of thy yield? an Maclanna Successor. Tho Rev. Alexander Connell, who Thought! In My Den. succeeds to Ian Maclann'a pulpit at Nature abhors the old, who love her Sefton Park, Liverpool, has Seen pas- moat. tor of Regent Square Pnabyterian church, London, since 1893. He was A man with a boll on his neck finds bon in the Scotch Highlands Just 40 no jojr in buildings. years ago. Considered the Proprieties. in Dallas county tried to thia mortal coll by hanging himself with n blind bridle. Hia wife found him suspended from n raftef In the hern. He wee wroth at her lm terposltlon, saying: If yon had me alone e few minutes more I won have been in heaven. Hia wife iW piled: Yes, and you would have look( ed nice running around over heaven with e blind bridle on, wouldn't you?" Thockmorton (Tex.) Times. A man shuffle off y Any fool can aak questions, but It Poison In Yolk of Egga. a wlae man to atop him. takes has arrived at the somewhat startling conclusion that The older we get the more we real, the yolk of the eggs of fowla and lie the limits of our abilities. duclia, aa wall aa these of the tortoise, oontalna poisonous substances. When He who does hla level beat seldom In tho Woo Hours. laolatod and Injected into the veins of finds It necessary to do other people. "What waa that noise in the parlor rabbits er other animals these promptlast night? ly cause death. The phenomena proAbsence makes the husband's heart Why, Bender came home from the duced are those of acute intoxication grow fonder after the dishes are all club and started to make that elja of the central nervous system. dirty. trical experiment." Tranamlaelen of Facial Characterletlca What electrical experiment?" It would appear that the tranamla-- ' It takes seeds to raise flowers, Why, rubbing a black cat on the but some men can raise caln with' back to aea If be could see any ton of facial traits subordinate to definite law, that la to aay, that a out half trying. parka. oestrnl facial expression and appeal And did he see any aparka? No one knows what la in him unNo; but he aaw a myriad of atarv anc are more often than not traas-mlttetil he gets down to hard work and The cat clawed him, and he fell ovei through tha female member of the family, who generally do not mines the claim. Gussle Yes; while I was talking to the plana" Chicago Dally News. exhibit the same characteristics to Mlsa Rose she had a faraway, pleased A Sun Cun. the male offspring, and that th Too many men who have not the look In her eyes. aa a rule, ability to build n dog bouse try their younger show, generations Miss Sharp Perhaps was ahe all the facial condltloai and algn hand at erecting palacea. thinking that you were far away, which were present In a remote anChicago Dally Newt. cestor North American Review. Some men who think they are regular devils are merely Innocent lambs Good Taste. Butlers Stolen Fee. with abnormal Imaginations. Ita bit may load to marriage The late Hon. Joseph Q. Hoyt, forBut I ean toll you this That 1 don't blama a microbe merly of Boston, when a lad attended It Is almost "worth being away For lurking In circus end hla silver watch waa from home to find, Houston Post upon stolen. The supposed thief was ar- how much ahe haa missed returning, yon. True Reciprocity. rested, and waa defended by Benjamin F. Butler, who proved he did The goose stands on one teg and not take the watch, and never waa holds np the other but for the life at the clrcua. of me I never could tell why. During the civil war Hoyt waa Introduced to Butler at a dinner at the Some men abhor vice, but rent As tor house. In New York, and the their buildings to harlots. The love This la the flrat of money coven a multitude of alns. latter remarked: time I have had the pleasure of meeting you. 8ome married couples are about as Oh, no! aald Hoyt, who then reIlly mated as a dachshund and a greyThe Novelist I am troubled with lated the dreue Incident hound and still wonder why Insomnia. I lie awake at night thlnfc "Waa that you, Hoyt? asked Bat- they don't get on they together. Ing about my novels. af-ter, end, being answered In the j The Critic Why don't you get nj firmatlve. Butter laughed and aald: There Is no city so attractive to and read one of them ? Brooklvr That waa an awful good watch,, the traveler aa the little home back Eagle. Hoyt That la all I got for defending yonder." We see not alone with our the thief. Send Check. eyes, but with our heart as well. Glory. I want to bo an ice man. And with tha lea man stand. An auto at the sidewalk, A bonk book In my hand. Milwaukee Sentinel. Eroken Down, Lika Many Another Woman, with Exhausting Kidney Troubles. wim Ah! 1 Tha aouth wind cams and And made It dip and nod Ita flaming petals, falling, Mada rainbows on tha sod. Milwaukee Sentinel. 170 him at In a Finch, Use ALLENS FOOT-EASA powder. It cures painful, smart-- Tha aun emma softly stealing Above tha hilltop's crest. And mads tha dawdrop sparkle Upon tha roaa'a breast. We have lately totalled Is ear Jewelry Meg dlfTkalt ikes It possible for ui to work proaptly tad very rtasosaMy. About tho only way you can arouse n mean man's conscience la to catch Groat Poata Letters. Twenty yean ago n German publisher began to Issue a complete collection of Goethe's letters. Thirty-fou- r volumes an now In type, and It la expected that the net of the letten, which will fill 15 more volumes, will appear within four yean. Rose Life. The night sent down a dowdrew To whoro a rad rose slept; The red rose opened wide Its And In tho dawdrop crept. The Modern Machinery a. v. COULD NOT KEEP III Emperor William himself had infantile paralysis and has had to struggle with piany infirmities. it hai lawn whispered that he himself is troubled with the same malady which A Necessary Preliminary. IT IS SO HARD TO UNOERSTAHC famed oS hia father. Royal blood is unAim high Tou'll hit the mark of fame, fortunately inoat generally deteriorate.) WOMAN. blood. Emperor William know a this as Aa man. man you know did; wall aa anybody, and ia doing hia Lost to But thera's no uaa In taking aim Gad, you cant understand a worn eradicate the bad blood from himself and Unless your gun is loaded. hia family by the adoption of ainiplo life -- Ufa. an. he aald, disgustedly. go principles. use trying. Wheels" Are Headgear.1 Through tho visit of a countryman of Wbat'a happened now? hia to Battle Creek, Michigan, while in I met that pretty Mlsa Swift in thia country, visiting tha World's Fair in dark hallway and kissed her. I didnt L'bieafo in 1883, Emperor William became acquainted with tha Battle Creek idea of tliiuk slied mind, you know." imply living and has to a large extent "And she did mind?" adopted the methods in hia family. Ilia wifa and children live tha simple Lit and Well she pretended to he very gry, so I thought I'd smooth things take Battle Creek light baths. Their uncle. Edward, also has these baths down by telling her that it was all a installedKing hia Windsor and Buckingham in mistake that I thought ahe wgs Palaces tor the use of himself and Queen Alexandra. t somebody else. other things GOOD HEALTH, And then? , j theAmong oldest health journal in tha world, Why, then she really was very an- tells about the Battle Creek idea and the gry. Judge. simple life. Every number ia brimful of ideas. Sample copy 1U cents. One dollar a year. Judging by Looks. If you will cut this out and send to Bacon She says she la 2$ years GOOD HEALTH PUBLISHING CO. old. Battle Creek, Mich., with n quarter you Egbert Well, she looks as If she will receive a trial three months subscription to thia handsome illustrated monthly would say she was about that old. health magasine. Write Yonkers Statesman. man too poor to uao UN How Emperor William Is Battling Against a Dangerous Heredity. Emperor Williama father died ef cancer af the throat. M. O. Lolsel MORE THAN MONEY. A Minister Talks About Grape-Nut- s. My first stomach trouble began back In 1895, writes a minister in Xebr., resulting from hasty eating and eating too much. I found no relief from medicine and grew ao bad that all food gave me great distress. It was that sore, gnawing, hungry feeling In my stomach that waa ao distressing and I became a sick man. Grape-Nut- s was recommended aa n food that could be easily digested. Leaving the old diet that had given me so much trouble, I began to eat Grape-Nut-s with a little cream and sugar. The change effected In 24 houra waa truly remarkable, and in a few weeki I waa back to health again. My work aa a minister calls me away from home a great deal, and recently I drifted back to fat meat and indigestible foods, which put me again on the sick list. So I went back to Grape-Nut- s and cream and in four days I was put right again. Tho old dull headaches are gone, stomach comfortable, head dear, and It Is a delight to pursue my studies and work. Grape-Nut- s food is worth more than money to me, and I hope this may induce some sufferer to follow the same course I have. Name given by Fostum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. "There's a reason." Read tho little book, The Road to Wellville In pkga. Mans Prevented by The bin collector always appears sordid and grasping to the man who has Just returned from communing with nature on his summer vacation. What shall I do with all the days and hours that must be counted era see thy face?" writes a Kansas man to hla Inamorata. How would It rlo to suck elder through a straw or try filling a straight from the top side? I see thee In my dreams, uveot-hear-t, and yet I cannot reach thee! writes a Chicago man on his vacation to hla best girl. I'll bet that fellow would hug a girl in the pnrk while a labor day parade was passing. The ambitlonleas man Is frequently happier, than la he of restless ambition. Progress Is built by men scourging themselves to great deeds. The contented man seldom builds castles. The revolution Is on In Russia. Despite his wishes, Ihe horoscope suggests that Czar Nicholas must soon say with Richard II: I give this heavy weight from off m., head And this unwieldy eceptm from my hand. The pride of kingly away from out my heart" treat Pimples and Blackheads, led, Rough, Oily Complexions, gently smear the face with Cuti-cur- a Ointment, the Great Skin Cure, but do not rub. Wash off e Ointment in five minutes with --uticura Soap and hot water, and athe freely for some minutes, lepeat morning-anevening. At other times use Cuticura Soap for bathing the face as often as agreeable. No other Skin Soap so pure, so sweet, so speedily effective. o d ! Pylrmr. SMStomMyw Spirit. iMdlriml wttfc ihm nd mU from pure nf cIfsmIm uSmdkJ! IwiMUliBasiaalioo loVCf ""I Of EV& ftMtwHiRm y W (Wwfibtea An, DO YOU WANT A fuimd firdi inN tanka aidtS TnlwViDllSri lSI Cirifi, i Rug IMtirDrif krim.i'en mST dm JOB 7 SKSt&Ttt tan VraneiMn. tiirtnuf art nviMoAdta with ita Bunt? of id Thi mopi hMlWHI 1 PHI li IBM billtfil)K. ThP OOMIHIUIIMI kita ( liburiiNBiaiindi frowfOift ioMh Hiv: ear- IN tat fnni to ft ft day ; bnrkliypra and pit nfnHMhwiliUidiy. If fun vantiba tMifiUtrwcl IrHM NMiqlfii IfriMiMi, lud ittfHU paniminiy |