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Show The Origin of "Windfall." Did you ever have "windfall?" and did you wonder why you called it bo, when the wind had nothing at all to do with your good fortune? It was to the peasants In William the Conqueror's Conquer-or's time that an actual windfall meant good luck. They were forbidden, forbid-den, under seTere penalty, to cut a forest tree, but whatever the wind blew down was their own; hence their , greatest fortune was a heavy wind etorm and its consequent -"fall. " And hence the name we give our modern good luck. Why Two Political Parties. There are always two political parties; par-ties; net so much because there are two sides to every public question as because there are two sides to every iofHce. viz., the inside and the outside. out-side. Life. Last Year's American Novels. Eight hundred and sixty-nine novels were published in the United States last year by 457 authors. Only 50 of these wrote more than one book. Three hundred and nine writers were men and 159 women. ' Bible Text on Horse's Grave. In the center of a field at Waverhlll, Suffolk, England, is a large flat stone covering the grave of a mare which died in 1852, Inscribed as follows: "Polka. She never made a false step. Eccleslastes -lil. 19th verse." A reference refer-ence to chapter and verse shows the following: "For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beast3, even one thing befalleth them; as the one dleth, so dietb tue other." This Is from the Scriptures appearing on a memorial stone to an animal. Noted Cities. Chicago Is probably the most widely known city in the -United States. Noted for lt3 push and enterprise aa well as being tbe Windy City. Milwaukee also has a world-wide reputation on account of the quality as well as the quantity of its annual production pro-duction of beer. St. Paul, while possibly not so generally gener-ally well known as the two former cities, Is nevertheless noted In many ways, and i9 one of the popular Twin Cities of the Northwest. All three are famous cities and their names combined form the name of America's greatest railway, famous and noted the world over for its superior super-ior management, elejjant equipment, Splendid service and general adoption Df all the latest safety appliances for the comfort and safety of its patrons. Its electric lighted trains are noted the world over. It Is the short line between Omaha and Chicago, and like superior articles of merchandise is, once tried, always used. Try It tho next time you go East. L. L. Downing, Commercial Agent, Chicago, Mil wan- kee & St. Paul Railway, Salt Lak City, Utah. Despotic Austrian Law. For using the word "archduke" on the stage at Vienna and thereby Infringing In-fringing a police regulation, Fraulein Frisch, a German actress, has Just been fined $13. - Mrs. Wlnslow'a Knot hint; Syrup.' For children teething, softens tiie xums, reduces fn-flaiuruikiiua, fn-flaiuruikiiua, allays pain, cure wind colic. 25c ft bottle. States Without Debt. There are three states which have no debt Iowa, Nebraska and Illinois. There are three others which have almost al-most no debt California, Montana and Nevada. Pittsburg Dispatch. Stops the trough and Works Off the Cold Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. Price 25c Swindling the Dead. A curious industry in China is the manufacture of mock money for offerings offer-ings to the dead. The pieces are only half the size of the real coins, but the dead are supposed not to know the difference. The dummy coins are made of tin, hammered to the thinness of paper and stamped out to the size required. I do not believe Piso's Core for Consumption has an equal for coughs and colds. John V Botkh, Trinity Springe, Ind., Feb. 15. 190O. The Boundary Line. A well-known judge on a Virginia circuit was recently reminded very forcibly of his approaching baldness by one of his rural acquaintances. "J edge," drawled the farmer, "it won't be so very long fo' you'll hev to tie a string around yer head to tell how fer, up to wash yer face." The Drawer, Harper's Magazine for June. Hall's Catarrh Care Is a constitutional cure. Price, 75c Gained Fame by One Book. Philip James Bailey, who for over sixty years has been known as the author au-thor of "Festus," is still alive and 86 years old. He was 23 years of age when he published "Festus," and the fame of that book seems to have crushed everything he wrote later. S20 A VEtK AKD EXPENSE? to men with rig to introduce our Poultry goods, bt-ndstp. Javelle MfgCo.,Dept.D,Farsons,Kao. President Diaz a Hard W.orker. Among Mexicans the opinion is gen-?ral gen-?ral that should President Diaz cease the routine of his work he would die. At 8:30 every morning Gen. Diaz goes to his office and works until about 1:30 p. m. At 4:30 he goes back again and scarcely ever leaves before 11, and often not until midnight. His time is spent in the hardest sort of labor and the president would be miserable mis-erable if he could not carry out the daily program. A Journey of any magnitude mag-nitude would seriousiy break into his personal habits and therefore It is not thought he will ever visit foreign countries. He never tastes intoxicating intoxicat-ing liquors and when at banquets never nev-er partakes of food. The Largest Elephant's Tusk-South Tusk-South Kensington museum possesses pos-sesses the largest elephant's tusk known. The second biggest was bought In Antwerp recently by a Sheffield firm for 325. It weighs 216 pounds, la ten feet long and twenty-three and three-fourths inches in girth. IF $ZkSSiH$ PENSION lilCKl OUU. Washlncton. D. C, they will receive quick replies. B. 5th N. EL Vols Staff SOih Corps. Prosecutinc Claims since 1878 W. N. U.. Salt Lake No. 28. 1902 liJHtS mitii Ail USE FalLi Best cougn Byron. Tastes Uood. n USSI I ANARCHISTS MUST CO- Leading Men of Patterson N.J, Organize Vigilance Committee for Suppression of Anarchy. An organization has been completed, composed of wealthy men of Patterson, N. J., to be" known to tbe public as the Patterson Vigilance Committee, but the membership and proceedings are not to be made public. Private detectives have already been engaged to shadow the leadiDg Anarchists. The "reds" are to' be indnced to leave Paterson quietly if possible. If they do not fro, the committee is said to have its own plan for action. One of the methods to be employed is said to be the keeping of a black list, and no matter where in Patterson a man on it obtains work, his employer em-ployer will be notified to dismiss him. If this plan be carried out, it will starve out of the city all Anarchists who may come here. It is said the committee has $250,000 pledged by the men composing it to carry out its purpose. pur-pose. - SUPPLY OF COAL. Bituminous and Anthracite Above Ground Will Last Three Months. It is estimated by V. B. Wilson, secretary sec-retary and treasurer of the United Mine Workers of America, that the present supply of bituminous and anthracite an-thracite coal above ground would be exhausted in less than three months if there should be a general suspension suspen-sion of work in the mines. According to this estimate, if the national convention of mine workers in Indianapolis, July 17th, should vote for a general suspension of work in support of the anthracite strike, as is now proposed, the vast industrial machinery f the United States would be handicapped for fuel, so that thousands thou-sands of factories would have to suspend sus-pend work. Mr. Wilson has statistics showing that there are 450,0(.O mines in the country, scattered through thirty states. The miners of twenty-four states would be actively involved if there should be a suspension of operations. oper-ations. In Idaho, .Nevada, California, the Dakotas, North Carolina and two or three other states brown coal, known as lignite, is mined, but the organization did not take these states into consideration when it issued a call for the national convention. HIS HOME BURNED. Property of Fireman iu Mine Destroyed by I'uknowu Parties. The wife of John Snyder, a fireman employed in the Dorrance colliery of the Lehigh Valley Coal company at North Wilkesbarre, reported Friday to the officials of the company that her home and contents were destroyed by fire some time that day. Her husband, on account of annoyance he has undergone, under-gone, lives in the colliery. The wife said she had been annoyed so by her neighbors that she decided to move from North Wilkesbarre to Stanton Stan-ton Hill, some distance away. While her goods were being removed to another an-other house several men upset the wagon wag-on and damaged the furniture. The goods were finally landed in the house, but fearing that she would be harmed if she and her three children remained there alone over night, the woman went to friends in North Wilkesbarre. When she went to the house Friday afternoon she says she found the house and all its contents burned. Anaconda Man Literally Chopped to Pieces. John Harrington, a pioneer resident of Anaconda Mont., was instantly killed at the New Washone smelters Friday. Harrington was a track cleaner in the employ of the Anaconda Anacon-da company and was endeavoring to get out of danger from an ore train, when struck by the engine of another. The old man was knocked between the wheels of the engine and literally chopped to pieces. Harrington was the father of a young man killed at the Anaconda lower smelters less than a year ago. Another son had a violent death within two years. Ladrone Leader Captured. Pedro Feleise, the leader of the ladrones, who captured and subsequently sub-sequently cut to pieces a sergeant, two corporals and four privates of the Fifth cavalry at Binangonan, Risel province, May 30, has been captured. He is still suffering from a wound inflicted in-flicted by the soldiers. Feleise is also implicated in the capture of the president pre-sident of Gainta and the majority oi the police force of that place, March 2. Other ladrones were also captured. CATTLE MEN CAIN POINT. House Committee Reports Favorably Upon Tbeir petition. The cattle interests of the southwest have been objecting to the provision ol the present law that livestock shall be unloaded from cars every twenty-eight hours for rest, feed and water, and the house committee on commerce ordered a favorable report on a bill urged by these interests fixing the period at forty hours. This is claimed to insure humane hu-mane treatment and not unduly to burden bur-den tbe cattle shippers. CHASED FROM KANSAS. Sympathiser With Czolgosz Appeals Dm ace Suit to Supreme Court. William Grubb, the Harper county, Kans., man who said he was glad Czolgosz Czol-gosz shot McKinley, has appealed hi damage suit to the supreme court. When Grubb made the remark referred to, Robert Elder and a dozen other men chased him out of the country. He returned and sued them for SlO.OOC damages. The jury in the district court in Harper county gave a verdict for the defendants. Ireland Will Mourn. The United Irish league is preparing prepar-ing to keep coronation day as a "day of mourning for Ireland." The district dis-trict council of Clare Morris, County Mayo, has resolved to hoist a black flag over the council chamber June 26 and 27, and has issued an invitation to tbe other councils to join in thus celebrating cele-brating tbe "coronation of the English king, to whose government the people peo-ple of this country are so much indebted in-debted for famines, coffin Bhips, coercion coer-cion and castle rule." Anti-Trust Law Cnconstltutlonal. In a decision Thursday at Chicago Judge Hanecy of the state district court held that tbe Illinois and antitrust anti-trust law of 1891 is unconstitutional and void. He ordered a finding for the defendant in tbe case of the people on relation of . tbe attorney general against the Butler Street Foundry & Iron company. By Judge Hanecy's decision practically all that was left of the anti-trust statutes of Illinois are declared to be a nullity. WEEK IN CONGRESS. June 18. HorsB. Mr. Underwood of Alabama, at the request of Mr. Stephens of Texas, entered a motion to reconsider the vote by which the bill to open 4S0.00O acres in the Kiowa. Comanche Com-anche and Apache reservations In Oklahoma was defeated at the session last night. He said he would not press the motion at this time. The house then went into committee of the whole and entered upon the consideration of the general deficiency appropriation bill. While Mr. Cannon, who was in charge of the bill, was trying to arrange for the divislon'of time, he announced that if he could have his way congress would adjourn sine die before July 4. The announcement was greeted with applause on both sides of the house. It was arranged that general debate should extend for two and one-half hours. Senate. The senate today devoted practically prac-tically its entire session to consideration of tbe canal question. Kxtended speeches were delivered by Mr. Spooner of Wisconsin and Mr. Uanna of Ohio in advocacy of the adoption of the Panama route, arid Mr. Pettus of Alabama Ala-bama advocated the selection of the Nicaragua route. Mr. Teller of Colorado briefly announced an-nounced his support of the Panama project and Mr. Jones of Arkansas indicated his leaning lean-ing toward the same route. Jane 19. House Debate on the Philippine bill was begun in the house. Senate The Spooner bill for the construction construc-tion of the Panama canal, as amended, passed the senate, sixty-seven to six. The Spooner amendment as adopted, provides pro-vides that the president shall determine whether a clear title can be obtained of the Panama Canal company's property, rights and concessions. If he shall be satisfied that such title can be obtained, he shall purchase the property, rights and concessions for $10,000,000. If in his opinion a clear title cannot be obtained, ob-tained, he shall proceed to construct an isthmian isth-mian canal by the Nicaragua route. The bill further provides that a committee of seven shall be appointed by the president to supervise the work and to make arrangement8 for all the details of it. It also provides that bonds in the sum of l!30,000,OCO, bearing 2 per cent, shall be issued to raise money with which to construct the canal. June 20. House. Debate on the Philippine civil government gov-ernment bill continued in the house from 11 a. m. until 5 p. m., and in a session held at night. The speakers were given close attention, each side enthusiastically applauding its respective orators. Mr. Jones of Virginia, the ranking minority member of the insular affairs committee, concluded con-cluded his speech begun the previous day. The other speakers were Messrs. Hamilton of Michigan and Kahn of California tor the bill, and Mr. Patterson of Tennessee against It. Mr. Kahn's speech was largely an interesting personal narrative of his experiences in the Philippines last summer. The Isthmian canal bill was sent to conference confer-ence after the senate amendment was non-concurred. " Senate. No business of importance was transacted by the senate in open session, except ex-cept to agree to a conference report finally disposing dis-posing of the military academy appropriation bilL Soon after the disposition of routine business busi-ness the senate went Into executive session and at 3:10 p. m. adjourned until Monday. Juue 21. House. Debate upon the Philippine government govern-ment bill lagged in the house. There were seven speakers, Messrs. Keeves of Illinois and Bromwell of Ohio for the bili, and Messrs. Mad-dox Mad-dox of Geergia, Dinsmore of Arkansas and Thayer of Massachusetts against it. Mr. Mc-Clellan Mc-Clellan of New York, a son of the late General George B. McClellan, delivered a short but eloquent elo-quent defense of the army. Earlier In the day the conference reports on the military academy and sundry civil appropriation bills were adopted. i June 23. House. Some routine business preceded the resumption of the debate on the Philippine civil government bill. Bills were passed to make Great Falls. Mont., the port of entry for the collection district comprising Montana and Idaho; to extend the privileges of transportation transporta-tion of dutiable merchandise without appraisement appraise-ment to the sub-ports of Tacoma and Seattle, Wash.; to authorize the secretary of the treasury treas-ury to bestow medals upon First Lieutenant David S. Garvts, Second Lieutenant E. B. Ber-thoff Ber-thoff and Surgeon S. J. Call, of the revenue cutter service. A resolution was adopted calling upon the secretary of war for Information as to any payments pay-ments made by Governor General Wood to F. B. Thurber and any other persons and corporations, corpora-tions, together with the dates and amounts of such payments, for advocating reciprocity with Cuba. S estate. A motion was entered formally In the senate by Mr. tjuay of Pennsylvania to discharge dis-charge the committee on territories from further fur-ther consideration of what Is known as the omnibus om-nibus territorial bill a measure to admit as states the territories of Oklahoma, New Mexico Mexi-co and Arizona. Mr. Quay spoke briefly but forcibly In support of his motion, maintaining that both political parties. In national conventions, conven-tions, had pledged themselves to the admission to statehood of the territories. Five Cowboys are Killed in a Fight In Arizona. A report has reached Albuquerque, N. M., of a fight between cattlemen near Tucumcari which resulted in the death of five cowpunchers. According to the story, "Bud" Lee of Dona Ana county had watered his cattle cat-tle at a hole and allowed his cattle to walk in the spring and ruin it, against the protests of other cattlemen who were using the same spring. Lee was warned if he repeated the act he would be killed. He claimed to have a right to do as he wished with the water, and came again, accompanied accompan-ied by an old Indian fighter. Eight cowboys were lying in wait for him. When the battle which followed was over, five of the eigbt cowboys were dead and the other three had fled. Lee aod his partner were untouchec. They gave therrfselves up to Sheriff Ilomero of Unadaloupe county. In Bangor, Maine, the Democratic state convention nominated W. S. Gould of Skowhegan for govenor. . General Dewet has addressed a circular cir-cular letter to his adjutants in which he says: . "Let me tell you that you and I and every burgher can win the heart of the -new government by our future conduct, and of this conduct I am not in the least doubtful." Andrew Carnegie's benefactions in the shape of libraries are of almost daily occurrences. He bas offered the burgh of Patrick; near Glasgow, 10,-000, 10,-000, provided its officials undertake to conduct the library under the provisions pro-visions of tbe public libraries act. - The overthrow of the Colombia revolution revo-lution appears to be complete. Leaders Lead-ers of the i evolutionary forces, including includ-ing General Uribe-Uribo and other chief commanders, have arrived in Caracas, Venezuela, disheartened. There is a feeling of great disappointment disap-pointment in Havana over the possibility possi-bility that the senate will not pass a Cuban reciprocity bilL Cubans have about given up all hope of relief from this source, and the people assume a gloomy view of the future economic conditions. Robert Ledyard, an Englishman now traveling in this country. Is well posted on Russian affairs. He Bays the czar is known to be a man of most extraordinary mental caliber, the worst defect in his character being a want of resolution. It is no secret in Europe that Nicholas is ruler In name only, his ministers actually governing the vast empire. How poorly they manage is shown in their treatment of Finland, the people of which country, though docile, good tempered and industrious, in-dustrious, have been driven by oppression oppres-sion Into immigrating to this country by thousands. v WAR GOVERNOR OF ILLINOIS 1 " J'7 lHw '- yP I J WAR GOVEBTfOiiOF V ? J$$XS iLLiiiDr, to vnroM mk. ' p vL IT 15 PROPOSED TO PTS J'ilZ Richard Yates, the famous war governor gov-ernor of Illinois, to whom it is proposed pro-posed to erect a suitable monument near the Lincoln monument at Oak Ridge cemetery, at Springfield, was the twelfth governor of Illinois, and served in that office from 1861 to 1865. He was born in Gallatin county, Ky., in 1818, and came to Illinois at the age Justice Brewer's Wit. Justice Brewer is not only an erudite scholar, but he possesses a pretty wit and cow and then one of his sallies will bring a smile to the faces even of his grave colleagues on the bench, says tne Washington correspondent of the New York Sun. The other day In delivering an address at the commencement com-mencement exercises of the College for the Deaf and Dumb the justice remarked re-marked that he had never spoken to such an audience before, but that when sitting on the bench he had often oft-en wished that lawyers were dumb and justices deaf. ' FAIR MEXICAN Senora Porfirio Diaz, the captivating wife of Capt. Porfirio Diaz, son of President Diaz, will in all probability accompany her distinguished relatives, President and Mme. Diaz, on their trip to the United States. Senora Diaz was Senorita Louisa Raigosa before she was married to the dashing young captain cap-tain and comes of one of the oldest and most aristocratic families of Mexico. She has been married but a year or A Famous Novel. Before very long that famous sensational sensa-tional novel, "East Lynne," which won Mrs. Henry Wood her fame, will be out of copyright. In one edition or another the English sale of this book has run to more than 500,000 copies. Of the sale in this country it is not possible to speak, because here the book had no copyright. It was pirated so extensively that one publisher, wishing to do something new, gave all the English characters in It names which he thought more American. For all the success that came to it, "East Lynne" had e struggle to find a publisher. pub-lisher. It was first offered to a famous fa-mous publisher, whose reader reported adversely, and yet again adversely when he was asked to go over It a second time. Ingenious Theorizing. A recent traveler in Siberia says there are stacks of gold ingots at the Irkutsk laboratory, that would make the mouths of Bank of England directors direct-ors water. Two old men guard it at night A force of Cossacks formerly guarded the gold, but one evening they marched off with the lot Thereupon There-upon the mind of the Russian authorities authori-ties went to work. Their reasoning was thus: "It is dangerous to have a. hodv of stalwart fellows on guard. for they might up and away with the gold any hour. It would be much bet-, ter to have two old men who couldn't carry a bar between them." The possibility pos-sibility of these two being hit on the head some night and the place robbed was lost sight of. Cod Like Cold Water. A Christlania professor has discovered discov-ered that at the Loforen islands cod are invariably to be found In waters whose temperature is always between four and five degrees above the freezing freez-ing point, Norwegian Cshermen now make use of the thermometer aa a means of detectirg the presence of tin Jrslt. . of 12. Mr. Yates in the early days was a whig and a passionate admirer of Henry Clay. His first public office was that of legislator, to which he was elected in 1842. Later he servad in Congress and in the United States senate. sen-ate. Gov Yates died in St. Louis in 1873 while returning from a trip through the Southwest. Has Shot Many Bears. President Roosevelt stands a good chance of getting a shot at big game should he make his contemplated trip in the south. R. E. Bobo of Bobo, Miss., who will accompany him, killed forty-eight bears last year and has a total to his credit of 2,000 members of the bruin family. Honor for Capt. Clark. A portrait of Capt. Clark, who made the wonderful trip from San Francisco to Cuba with the battleship Oregon, is being painted to be placed In the state capitol of Vermont. COMING HERE two, but in that time has taken a high position in the social life of the beautiful beau-tiful capital. She is dark-eyed, olive-skinned olive-skinned and has' a wealth of wavy .black hair, and, in fact, is the very Ideal of Mexican beauty. In company with Mme. Diaz, wife of the president, who Is vivacious, graceful and delightful, delight-ful, the younger matron promises to be much sought after in America, at Washington particularly. Praise Ambassador Tower. A London paper prints an "appreciation" "appre-ciation" of Charlemagne Tower, Unifc ed States ambassador to St. Petersburg, Peters-burg, giving the diplomat from Pennsylvania Penn-sylvania credit for having been "prs destined for high diplomatic employment employ-ment at his birth, otherwise paternity and baptism would not have combined to bestow on him a name so apt and striking." The writer says that Mr. Tower "is one of that long list of Americans who have picked with the pen the lock of the gate which leads to the diplomatic service. His first public service was as minister to Austria, Aus-tria, and the transition to this brilliant bril-liant court from the quiet seat of the historical student and writer was accomplished ac-complished with the proverbial adap-tlveness adap-tlveness of his country-people." Gold in Quills. According to Le Roux, a French explorer, ex-plorer, the natives of Abyssinia have a queer way of carrying to market the gold they find in the beds of tha streams. They find it as dust and as small nuggets, . and put it Into large quills, as transparent as glass tubes. The brokers who buy it work it up into tbe form of circles of the size of an ordinary finger ring, but without closing the circle, for the purchaser always Insists on twisting it to Bee that it does not contain any adulteration. adultera-tion. Experienced fingers can tell at once whether the yielding metal has the exact malleability of pure gold. A Lost Art Rediscovered. The art of making malleable glass, which is said to have been well understood under-stood by the Egyptians, but which has been for centuries lost has been rediscovered redis-covered by Louis Kauffeld of Richmond, Rich-mond, Ind. Mr. Kauffeld is a lamp-chimney lamp-chimney maker, and has for yeara tried to devise a chimney that would withstand excessive heat . The new process, It is stated, renders possiblej the making of cooking vessels oat of glass. THE HUMOR OF LIFE. MERRY JESTS TURNED OUT BY THE OFFICIAL FUNMAKERS. Was Willing to Divide the Chewing Gum Knew How the Estate Would Be Divided Blamed the Elephants for tha Quality of Ivory. Elephant Humbugs. Customer I believe you are the man of whom I bought this cane. iToprietor Yes, I sold you ' that cane. Customer And you said the handle was of genuine ivory, and I find that it is artificial. - Proprietor I can't help It, 6lr. 1 import my ivory direct from Ceylon, and the only explanation. I can give is that tae elephants have taken to wearing wear-ing false tusks. He Knew the Jones Boys. "Old Jones is dead, I see. I wonder how his estate will be divided? It seems a pity that it can't be kept together." to-gether." "A good deal of it will be scattered widely in small amounts, I fancy, but there will be a pretty good block for each of the residuary legatees." "Who are they?" "Oh, the Chorus Girls' Union and the Whisky Trust" Detected. Herlock Sholmes took up the subject sub-ject of the burglary boldly. "You say," he remarked, "that the thief stole Miss Smartleigh's gloves?" "Yes," said the lady of the house, "one pair of gloves." "H'm!" mused the famous detective. detec-tive. "It is as I suspected! He robbed her right and left" Language. "It's wonderful," said the meditative man, "how one small word, insignificant insignifi-cant in itself, may induce an endless train of thought, speaking volume In fact." "Yes," replied the caustic man. "Take the word 'but' for instance, when a woman says: 'Of course it's none of my business, but' " Perfectly Correct. A gentleman was one day visiting a friend's house, and while strolling in the garden came across his lfttle boy, and, speaking to him, said: "Well,- my little man, how old are you?" The child answered "Five." "And what are you going to bet" "Six." Sure of Kfim. Tess If you really love him why did you refuse him? Jess Goodness! You don't suppose I'd be so unmaidenly as to accept him the first time. Tess But he declares he'll never propose to another girl as long ai he lives. Jess Of course. I'm not "another girl." ' Apprehensions. "I am very much afraid," said the man with the melancholy manner, "that this prosperity will not last." "Well," answered the genial person "my friend, the professor, says that one of these days the entire solar system sys-tem is going to smash. But we might as well enjoy ourselves while we can. NO Help at All. "You will marry a tall, dark gentleman," gentle-man," said the fortune teller, examin ing the lines in the fair hand. "That doesn't help me," despairing ly replied the lovely "blonde who Lad called to consult her. "All three of them are tall and dark." Choice of Two Evils. Distracted Wife "I'm going to the dentist's to have this tooth out. Jet mind the baby till I come back." Husband (with alacrity) "You m'nd the baby, Jeanne; I'll go and get, a twth pulled out!" Just One Moment. Between Friends. Biggs My wife asked me for moaey again last night Diggs Pshaw! That's nothing to the bump I got this morning. Biggs How's that? Diggs I asked my wife for money od she hadn't any to give me. What He Was Looking For. Agent Here, sir, is a book that should be in every family. It contains a receipt for everything, sir every thing. Cholly Give me three copies. If it has a receipt for my tailor's bill I'll tke five. Visitor to Jail Why are you here? Prisoner (a pickpocket) I am here aa a result of a moment of abstraction. abstrac-tion. v A Cheerful Giver. "And aren't you going to give your penny for the poor heathen?" asked the Sunday school teacher, reprovingly. reproving-ly. "Oh, I s'pose," replied little Bobbie, as he held it out reluctantly, "if you think they need it wurse'n I do." Not His Fault "How did your weather prediction turn out?" "The prediction was all right," an swered the prophet, a little sternly, "but somehow or 'other the weather went wrong again." Could Sympathize. Hojack Here's an account of hov a man wrote a love letter and gc Into trouble by It. Tomdik I can sympathize with tha fellow. That's how I happened to ge married. A Fair Proposition. Merchart If we employ you it must be understood that we are to charg? you for all the mistakes you make. ' Applicant That's all right, If youT reward me fc 11 the mistakes I don'i make. Sure to Say It They stood on the lava-encrusted shore of the little island that had bean destroyed by ; the volcano. Blazing torrents still ran down the sides of the mountain, while the very air seemed full of fire. A man, who all along had seemed to be making every effort to control himself, at last turned to a companion and remarked: "Is it hot enough for you?" The task of hurling him into the belching crater was, indeed, a gla'd surcease from the woe of the inhabi tants. The Lease Was Signed. "But the parlor is so awfully small, said the prospective tenant "Yes, and the parlors in the adjoin ing houses are just as small," replied the agent. "That's the beauty of It "That's not much comfort for me." "Oh, yes! Your see, neither of your neighbors has room for a piano. Wanted Too Much. Teacher Are you chewing gum? Boy Yes, ma'am. Teacher Give it to me! Boy No, I won't I'll give you halt She Didn't Want Any. Mrs. Everby "But what's all this talk about woman's rights?" The Professor "It's an effort to place woman and man on an equality." "Mrs. Everby "But what's woman done that she should be brought down after that fashion? No, sir; I don't want anything to do with your woman's wo-man's rights." Had Him About Right Clara "Half the time he says he doesn't know whether I love him or not, about one-quarter he hopes that I do, and the rest he thinks I may and in addition he i3 nearly always utterly miserable." Maud "Well, I'm glad you're making mak-ing such a success of the affair." ' Sympathy. Mrs. Call How do you like your new servant girl? , Mrs. Hiram Offen Well, she's very sympathetic. Mrs. Call Is she? Mrs. Hiram Offen Yes, every time I complain of a headache she declares she has one, too. The Finisn. Tess Has your family made any plans for the summer yet? Jess Well, ma says we'll take a cottage at Newport for July and August Au-gust Tess How about September? Jess Pa says we'll have to take what we can get then at the almshouse. alms-house. ' Certain Advantages. Robbie Ain't yer vaccination healed heal-ed up yet? James Naw. Robbie Gee! Don't It make yer feel bad? James Naw. The doctor told mom I mustn't take a bath till it was all healed up. Time for a New Job. Mickey Wot made yer quit yer Job, J'mmie? Jimmie Cos de boss had a record of all me relations wot died last summer, sum-mer, an' he wouldn't let me use any of em over again. If I don't git a new job I can't see no ball games. Judge. Not a Language tor Boasters. Somebody has discovered that Julius Ju-lius Caesar didn't talk much about his campaigns. But then, perhaps, Jule was a little ashamed of the imperfections of his Latin. A Gentle Hint. Lenders Do you ever think of that "ten-spot" you borrowed of me? Borroughs Don't worry. I still have It in mind. Lenders Don't you think it alxrat time you relieved your mind? Hadn't Kept Count Mother How often have I told you not to allow that young man to kiss you? Daughter I don't know, ma, but certainly not so often as he has kissed me. Had Plenty of Experience. Mistress Have you had any experience? experi-ence? Applicant Experience! Indeed I have! Why, I have had thirteen places In the last two months. A Prudent Maiden. "What in the world do you want with so many stockings and such gorgeous ones, too?" "Oh, I believe in laying up something some-thing for a rainy day." The Probabi titles. "I hear you're going to file a claim against the city." "Yes; and after I've filed it I suppose sup-pose the jury will chop it and saw it and shave it down to nothing." v One Reason. Briggs Wonder why they call those designs on stockings "clocks?" Griggs Because watches are set by them, perhaps. He Knew the Man. Mrs. Caudle Wake up, Jeremiah. I "to believe there's a man in the room. Caudle Yes, dear, and he's trying ais best, to get a few winks of sleep. Good-night. . ' Unkind. Belle Papa, here are letters from hree men who want to marry me. Papa Great Scott! Has all the orld gone crazy? Strange. ' v Customer Is the proprietor lnt I want to get some screen doors. Clerk He's In, but he's out o doors. The more ways a man has of show-?.g show-?.g how much he knows, the more ays he has of proving what a tool is. Qualified for Membersh,p.fl,,tJts's Congressman Lever of South Carolina, Caro-lina, the "baby of the house," said the other day that as the labor question is a live one in his district he proposed to seek admission to some union. "Why, you are just out of college," said one of his hearers, "and never did a. day's labor in your life." "Haven't, eh?" said the young member,! Indignantly. Indig-nantly. "Why, the way I've toiled to get Democratic legislation out ' of a Republican House , makes me fit foT membership in a score f of labor unions.' Turquoise Mines. Hieroglyphics carved on the rocks In the peninsula of Mount Sinia show tnat the famous turquoise mines there, furnishing the finest stones In the world, were originally opened by the Egyptians. - 4 1 - The Girl Graduate. ... r -We don't find speakers having the nerve to give advice to men graduates gradu-ates on the subject of marriage, says the Milwaukee Sentinel, but it seems as if it formed the chief topic in addresses ad-dresses to girl graduates this year. Don Carlos Closely Watched. Don Carlos, who appeared at a French watering place on the Spanish frontier just before King Alfonso's birthday, was Invited at once by the French . government to seek a residence resi-dence in the interior of France. Tom Moore's Immortal Poem. ? Thomas Moore often wrote a short poem almost impromptu. ' He - consumed con-sumed over two years in reading and preparing material for "Lallah Rookh" and two years more in writing that Inimitable poem. LIBBY Luncheons W m1 t h prod not In kwr-openlHg en. 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