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Show 4 Yankee Adventurer to Seek Land of Gold I i f One Out of a Million. "And what are your claims to goodness?" queried St. Peter of the applicant before the gate. "I never wrote a letter to a paper suggesting a solution to the eoal ' , I ;( k - Strike. Admitted," cried St. Peter, with Walt for the bellboy. You shall 'have the best room in the establish-intent- . ijoy. Kept Proper Hours. Even in great cities careful people Keep early hours. We had a fine sunrise this morning," said one New Yorker to anothDid you see it? er. Sunrise? said the second man; why, Im always in bed before sun- . rise. (Special Correspondence.) ana Good Guest. Reason In a Name. The great conqueror, Cortez, subHe Is a terrible woman hater." the other Spanish grandees who Why do they call it tho piano forte? Yes; I suspect that he must al jugated Central America ages ago one Ob, I suppose because so many some time have been a floorwalker In have a modern rival to fame In collecting is He Puck. a department store. people bombard It so unmercifully. diaries Meadows. a force with which to invade Tibttrn TOO MUCH WIFE.' island, in the Gulf of California, the unhome of the savage Seri Indians, reand warlike doubtedly the most contian Amerh on the pulsive people nent. Through all the years since Cortez Inmade Mexico Spanish, the Seri dians have defied encroaehment on Istheir tiny domain. Although the terriland is claimed as part of the tory of Mexico, the Indians owe no Diaz, pay no allegiance to Pie.-idelive as indepentribute and dently and In as fieri e savagery as nt No Stop. Hes a chump! exclaimed the chauffeur. He ran his auto Into a crowd of children." Well, replied the other, the best of us will do that sometimes. What! The best of us would go right through It." I I 4 Joax- - Ile hasnt a single reason for not Joining our poker Maybe it's a married reason. SMART COW. I..' !' ( '1 S lj i I ' 5 ' I ' 3 I , i ,' 4 I f , ' . ? City maiden (in the country) at me. Illram Hayrick i I; How savagely that cow looks J A Gentle "This is a good bill, said the lobbyist; why wont you vote for it? I have conscientious scruples that prevent me," replied the legislator. "Come off! When did you ever get those things?" Tve always had conscientious scruples against doing something for nothing. 1 4 t ' I i Stock In Trade. You see, ma'am." began the proI got fessional beggar. my arm scalded. Ill be glad to show you " Mrs. , "Never mind, Interrupted Youre only wasting your Koaldart. is ' , i i time here." Not at all, ma'am, my motto is; trouble to show goods. I t t t V No i ? reined-th- drug:-Th- ' Danger in Inkstands. ' In Germany a new niicyobe been discovered and a very da:, ous one it is said to be. Only in .i stands and ink bottles is It foe and for this reason it Is known the ink microbe. Vessels which t tain ink and which are seld cleansed or corked furnish a r congenial home for it. Ink infer w ith this microbe was recently jected into rats and guinea pigs, i as a result the animals speedily! Fortunately there Is an easy wi; get rid of this pest, andMbatli: keeping ones Inkstand dealt covered. . GRAND CANON AND COLORADO RIVER. 4 I I Author You are very lovely tonight Soubretto So you would say if you did rot think so. Author Yes, and so you would think If I did not say so. ter." A WOMAN'S REVENGE. Congratulations, Anyway. Cu'ler Speaking of babies, madam. thats a line youngster. Allow me to congintulnte you. Young Woman "Sir, that baby Is not mine. I Caller repeat, madam, allow me to cungratulate you." ' i 1 the Children's You bet we got even with that umpire Camel, Her Friend How did you work It? College Girl We turned the hose on her face men and let them see her real complexion! , In at our football the presence of all the She know He would i' .'i i . - I1 A Better Way. tferkley Say. when are you going take up that due bill of yours? ilopay Gee whlx! I forgot all about I'll make a note of It right away, larklcy No; one of your notes la iujh. Suppose you make It cash. It t k. In Doubt. am a member of a Veracity he Doctor ermen'i club, and we ara talking ncorporatlng. he Professor I see. Ita to be shoppctatDe concern. I Unconventional. speak of Gloober as being is he mentally unbalanced?" queer, He's merely "Not exactly that. eccentric and peculiar, lie glvea in bis property to the assessor at the same figure he has It insured for." You Hie Explanation. I Nervous Thomaa, Employer wish you wouldn't whistle at your work." Ofllc Boy "I aint working, air; I'm only just whistling. Pardonable Delay. Kiss the book," said the Judge, as the lady got Into the witness chair! If yon don't mind, your honor, 1 would prefer not to kiss the book until after the question of my age has been put to me." Couldn't Lose Him. She (In the psrk)- -I wonder what kind of a tree that Is. He Why, that's a dogwood tree. She But how can you tell? He By the bark, of. course. forCW'" Or!-i- liomeinN'e'' Tev,ld ' I'll 1 At Explained. You i Id bachelors scent to a lot about women. Of course. If wo didn't wt probably not be old bachelors. Cure ernup. sore threat, pulmo Me. Monarch over pain of UJ Thouae' Ecleetrlr Oil. i i sii-n- rl,l Late Now. I've come to tell you. sir. that the photographs you took of us the other day are not at all satisfactory, Why. my husband looks like an ape!" Well, n adani. you should have thought that before you had him taken. College Girl bothered The Bean State. Michigan has recently tbila d place to the rank of regard to Its crop of dried best nutritious and necessary food pw is chiefly the product of tbre -- New York, Michigan and Can notwlthstandfi'a Massachusetts, reputation as a conaumlnl does not cut any figure ductlon. The total annual crop United Stateg is about 6,004,4 els, valued at 7.033.636. Too ' t ) e erlslmeas, Bed Ktomncb, orders, move aud regulate tb Deetroy Worm. Over 30, (KW At all druggihU, 2."C. Sample Fn1 drew Allen 8. Olmsted. LeKoy, i i No one would over stipation if ovory ouo know I low B.UW quickly Burdock Ikon lutes the stomach and bowel". Mother (irny'eKwret Iowcler Hucee iif idly unod by Mother The Great Question. Many a young girl makes the mistake id thinking that because sno would die for a man she trnlv loves hint. In this restless, throbbing age It Is necessary for her to ask herself In all seriousness, Would I take washing for him?' ; i !'- Say. Baggage Smasher ' The other day an express filled with trunks rattled up way, and Just opposite the posh-- a big Saratoga slid off and t; tn smashing down on the ear the' from Several people ran out wauk to rescue IL But the tr proved to be empty, and there tie damage done. Now, If that been full," said one old gentirca1 tho expressman, you'd have Huh W flno old time with it." the baggage charioteer s00 "full trunks don't fall off by selves. You got to fling them o New York Commercial Advertise ing wickeder? I Accurate Delay. Many stories are told of the lid: punctuality upon railroads la southern states. It is said that wi a New England man found bis in. advertised to leave at 11 oclr starting at exactly that hour, he cc plimented the conductor. "Just on time, I see, ho said. All this talk I've heard of, lateness of your trains is foundation, I've no doubt. at k smiled The conductor gently. "This train, sir," said be. ' trace of embarrassment, "ii t sir. day's eleven o'clock train, yesterdays eleven o'clock. Toft' will probably r,ot get here from sir. down until fc lean government and will purchase it if the Indians are aubdued. Those who know the Seris well say that this will be a difficult task. The Seris are ferocious in their nature and will undoubtedly fight to the last ditch. They have the reputation of being cannibals and for this reason it is deemed an hoi. or in Sonora to have killed a Seri. The males among them are powerfully built and average over six feet in high t. The island is believed to contain veins of silver and gold. Several times the Mexican government re solved to send a force to the islands to exterminate the natives, but for some reason the expeditions have never been undertaken. Such an expedition is a'wavs suggested after the re-- Not as Bad as Hs Feareci "Well, I'm rot sure. When one of iny neighbors shot a hen that belonged to my coop I began to have my doubts. But when he tossed the fowl over the fence I felt a good deal bet- , Here is a case: Mr. T. Shepher Whitburn, Sunderland, Ohio, b My wife suffered severely from maUsm, and neura.gia. She could get one moment's rest and was crazed with pain. Obtained instant lief and a permanent cure by the contents of one bottle of St cobs Oil. Tber' is no other world that will do this. Tin stantaneous effect which St. Jacobs produces is a part of its half a St. Jacobs Oil is sold It! cts. and 50 cts. sIzps by all words Act3 like Magic," "Cf qucrp.Pain, which have beennsei connection with St. Jacobs Oil more than 50 years are wonder!, aud truly dercriplive. Do you believe the world is grow- C Rheumatltsi Neuralgia. when, before the coming of white men, they made war and defended themselves against the tribes of the main land and neighboring islands. The Scris were never conquered, and It is not believed they ever will be; they may be exterminated, but never subjected to any rule but that of their own mating. In the expedition which Meadows is fittirg out at Yuma. Ariz., there will be none but men of proved courage, men who can shoot and fig it and endure any hardship. Nearly all of them have spent years on Arizona ranges, engaging in battles with Indians and bad white men in which only the fittest survived. Charles Meadows, the leader of the IN THE WINGS. Hint teachers. Instant Relief from club, Quite In Harmony. Mrs. A. My husband Is positively Impossible; he knows nothing. Mrs. Ilee Mine is simply unbearable; he knows everything. ta & ? " I 1 Gracious! Thets because of your red parasol. City maiden Well, I knew it was a little out of fashion, but I didnt suppose a country cow would notice it. V t n.' The Dyspepsia Victim. Ascum For goodness sake, Meekly, what's tho matter with your face? Meekly Dyspepsia. Ascum Nonsense! That wouldn't mark your face that way. I.ooks as If something had scratched you. Meekly Yes, my wife has the dyspepsia. Philadelphia Press. 't s A ; i 9 . Main Incentive Lacking. Mrs. De Style My dear, your wardrobe Is three months behind tho fashion. Why dont you make your husband buy you somo new dresses? Married Friend He can't afford It; he has no money. No money? Well, Mrs. De Style well! I cant imagine what on earth you married him for. 3 Pe t? Fairly Answered. I'm a plain, everyday business man, said Meritt, and I'm nothing il not practical. Miss Wisely, will you b my wife? I admire your frankness, Mr. Mer ltt, replied the fair object of his af fectlons, because I'm Inclined to la rather nditter-o- f fact myself. How much are you worth? 1 2.' 01 Middle School Japanese Mali. On tbit ocoj, fault seemed to be The cowboy l.nigl t is now spending side of the faculty of the Lxs San Francisco, his time between stores tho governor of the prefee j . . An;;eles and Yuma, collecting ji for now comes of a strike ami arms and making preparations School of Oita, in has a' which the trip to Tlburon Island. Be dents appear to be chiefly bolt under construction at Yuma that fir will carry his little army down the is that the elder student , Colorado river and out on the Gulf of by wme severe strictures Ca ifornia to the Island. Stores and Mr Uki, one of the teachers cruise of a for sufficient provisions an habit of imwy1, increasing Each several months will be carried. demanded bis removal An " a brace own rifle, his man wdl have the principal yielded sofar TT' of revolvers and hunting Knife ornapend Mr. Uki, but, at the them with nabit from long ments that be rusticated some of the when even have become indispensable This led to a renewal and on pence missions. demonstration on the latter'. to is The object of the expedition They drew up a document and Indians the try and subjugate lug tho principal and the tear? aconite the wealth which tho island various counts and demand? Meadows has is known to poesets. dismissal of the whole Mex faculty an option on the island from the teen of them were now expelled the result that meetings began 't, held outside the Bchool for th pose of planning a general The trouble is not over. Of ? this version comes from the t- Miye ithe Hoax m Students Demand the the Entire Faculty"1 We had to report on the part of' the man of wonderful expedltlon, I courage and energy i(. ,1lt t rough and wild person Hint Ills favor Ite cognomen. Arizona t'uirlle, ' in dlcates. 1ml as modest of milliner as a hazed and tu polished u Firth avenue swell, ills convera ton ia that of the cultured travtlr-rnot a bit of the wild and woolly west, erner. In stature he Is six fn-- f .... Inrhea, aa lithe aa one of J, Fenlmore Cooper's Indian heroes and iu years h It oneor two lets than 40. t port of a .HIsMal 'nrc-Y- . tniUMUTo has reached b,U before the reaoiuUon the massacre U ' and agitation tl-- I reml resli(.i Has soldi. 'is ,0 ,'l,,,,,and ' ' to II'df r race 1 lKlttmk was pi.(1l mane extinct, and ,llU " ir-- RP bill CM to collc-- t b u lh, ,Hkel data of 'l th. ! 2. Sagacious Birds. Mexico has a clever bird tnelanarpes, which has disc' ntw use for the telegraph th foot 'of the poat this b1' large hole, in whbh faislly; somewhat higher W It makes an observatory, bored holes permit It to ob horizon In every direction; er this sagacious bird make , house, and thus the pole erT home, fortress, and wareboui . J 4 jj |