OCR Text |
Show ommunity ews A2 • WEDNESDAY, JULY 9, 2008 Darth Vader attacks Mr. Jones - N E W S - Spanish Fork 280 North Main St. Spanish Fork, UT 84660 The religions of the world and the needfor a sense ofhumor Lane Henderson Publisher Namon Bills Etliror Dana Robinson . Assoc. Editor Galloping Geezer The Spanish Fork News is published each Wednesday for S37.50 per year in area and 541.50 ouc of area by J-Mart, 280 North Main St., Spanish Fork Utah 84660. Email stories to editor@spforknews.com Email ads to ads@spforknews.com Call us at 794-4964 POSTMASTER Send address changes to Spanish Fork News 280 North Main St. Spanish Fork, Utah 84660 The entire content of this newspaper is Copyright© 2008 Spanish Fork News. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the editor or publisher. THE SPANISH FORK NEWS (USPS 024716) is published weekly for $37.50 per year by JMart Publishing. 280 North Main St., Spanish Fork, UT 84660. Periodicals Postage Paid at Spanish Fork, UT. POSTMASTER; Send address changes to The Spanish Fork News, 42 East 300 North, Spanish Fork, UT 84660. DEADLINES Ail stories, photos and ads are due by Friday, 12 p.m. Covering what matters most Gary Davis In Holyhead Wales recently Arwel Wynne Hughes, age 27, dressed in a black cape and trash bag and claiming to be Darth Vader, attacked Barney Jones, founder of the First British Jedi Church. Mr. Jones and his cousin were filming themselves having a light saber duel in Jones' yard. Jones got wacked with a metal crutch during the fracas and his cousin took a punch in the thigh. Darth Vader received a twomonth jail sentence which the judge, perhaps fearing a visit from the dark side, suspended for a year. The fact that Arwel was a hopeless alcoholic may also have entered into the judge's decision for leniency. I can't claim any expertise on the First British Jedi Church, but I have seen most of the Star Wars movies so maybe that's all I need to know. The doctrines of many religions are not all that deep. I have no fear however of making light of Mr. Jones and the First British Jedi Church. It's impor- BEFORE SSS DIESEL PERFORMANCE tant for both individuals and groups to be able to laugh at themselves. A couple of recent studies have concluded that religious people are happier than the irreligious and conservatives are more likely to be satisfied with their lives than are liberals. My theory is the reason liberals are so boring and unhappy is because they're angry all the time. It's difficult to wear your smiley face when you know you're surrounded by racist, sexist, homophobic, bigoted, capitalistic, warmongering fools. It is also a historical fact that, with the exception of gay marriage, "progressives" have not had an original thought in nearly a century. I'm guessing that lack of imagination factors in the happiness quotient also. But mostly, I'm convinced, they forgot to raise their hands when the humor gene was passed out. Remember a few years back when overwrought feminists stormed the Masters Golf Tourney in Augusta, Ga. demanding that the all-male membership rules be changed? There was one photograph of the protest that showed a dozen angry women holding their angry signs and one soli- AFTER SSS DIESEL PERFORMANCE tary male in the back of the group staging a lone counter protest with a sign that read, "Iron My Shirt." The Feminists failed to see the humor in that. Groucho Marx was a very funny Jewish man. In his heyday, many organizations denied membership to Jews. Groucho's response when queried about the matter was that he wouldn't want to belong to any group that would have him as a member anyway. He made people laugh at silly bigotries and helped to eliminate them. I find it noteworthy that the "politically correct" movement is completely devoid of humor. Denying people basic freedoms, after all, is no laughing matter. A Dutch novelist named Oscar van den Boorgaard was lamenting recently the accelerating pace of Islamification in Europe and concluded that the Europe he grew up in would soon be a thing of the past. Mr. van den Boorgaard conceded sadly, "I have never learned to fight for my freedom. I was only good at enjoying it." Oscar believes his beloved Netherlands could be spared from Sharia Law if and when "Islam learns to ly, "There are no jokes in Islam." laugh at itself." Of course there's no muI don't want to throw cold water on your hopeful sic or art either. The extremthought there, Oscar, but ist among them get their I'm thinking the chances kicks mostly from beheadof that happening is not ing infidels, which civilized very good. This is the people don't find funny. Church of the Perpetually Offended. Publish an unGary is former comedian flattering cartoon of their and actor plus the author of Prophet and they want to four novels and lots of short kill you. Name a teddy stories, articles and stuff. bear after their Prophet and His work has appeared in they want to cut off your the New Era and the Readhead. Make a movie that er 's Digest but not Scientific claims their women are American. You may contact treated badly and you're a him at ipil940@msn.com dead man. Write anything but why would you want that could undermine the to?' faith of the faithful and your life is in danger. Call me crazy, but these folks do not strike me as a fun-loving group. I mean if you wanna hire a clown for your kid's birthday party, don't call Radical Jihad's R Us. One prominent Ayatollah intoned solemn- CHOOSE MYRATE CHECKING THEN CHOOSE WHAT TO DO WITH THE EXTRA MONEY. Introducing MyRate Checking" (PatcmfendingBancVuc. Ltd.). Here's how it works: make 12 VISA Check Card purchases each month, enroll and receive electronic statements, set up one direct deposit or automatic payment from your account and you'll earn an astounding 4.07% APY. That's more than a CD account! Say you don't WHY d l H g e at the pump meet those requirements one month? The account still earns 0.25% APY. Its when you can secretly QflD at the pump? your choice. It's MyRate Checking. For on balance up IO $25,000 if requirements ate met. No rnitiimwi balance. DIESEL 475 information, call (888)842-3456, or visit us at bankiif.com. Bank of American Fork BIG CITY BANKING - SMALLTOWN SERVICE' • More MPG (Miles per gallon) • Less EPT (Expense per trip) 18 suppliers... 18 ways to SAVE! NMGNAFUWV Our fuel saver packages produce maximum mileage Weston Youd 10% OFF ANY $1,200 TO $1,600 PERFORMANCE PACKAGE! 798-1967 • 570 South Main, Spanish Fork ^i^M^ SALT LAKE COUNTY: DRAPER * MURRAY * RIVERTON * SANDY UTAH COUNTY: ALPINE * AMERICAN FORK * HIGHLAND * LEHI * OREM/pROVO PLEASANT GROVE * SPANISH FORK •Myflote Checking earns a 4.07% Annual Percentage Yield (APY) paid on balances between one penny and $25.000, and 1.01% APY paid on all amounts above $25,000 each statement cycle (monthly) wherein the minimum qualifications are met. If you do not meet the qualifications per cycle, your account still earns a 0.25% APY. Annual Percentage Yields are effective lune t. 2008. Tiered rates are variable and rates may change after an account Is opened. Interest earned will vary based on dolly balance. Minimum balance ofSio to open account. ATM withdrawals excluded. Fees could reduce earnings on account. FDW ass |