OCR Text |
Show t THE TIIUNDERBLRD • SOITTHERN UTAH UNIVERSITY • MONDAY, OCTOBER 4, 1993 • PAGE 5 Dine In, Drive Up Window, or Free Delivery! Having a party or meeting? Reserve our Banquet Room •Holds up to 50 •Big screen TV & VCR •All-you-can-eat Pizza •$3.99 per person Sadists, masochists on stage at SUU I belong to the unofficial campus club for masochists. It is known as the theatre department. At the beginning of each quarter, tho e who aspire to join are invited to test their masochistic mettle at a ritual fearfully referred to as Auditions. For those of you who have never had the opportunity to witness this rirual, trust me, it is a scary sight Your worst nightmares of satani.c cults and sacrifice do not even rouch the reality of this even t For me, the only thing that even comes close is running the relay at field day and dropping the baton. Or siaing through a Charles Bronson movie. Or cramming for finals. The god of Theatre is a hungry god and is best appeased by the continual, unabashed delivery of dozens of sacrificial actor-lambs to the altar of the stage. During this ritual, every three minutes, for hours on end, this god swallows egos whole. Why do we submit ourselves to this ritual? In an effon to tone up. It is amazing how much an ego weighs. And the damn things, no matter how often removed, are self-regenerating. All it takes is a good looking person giving us the eye, or winning an accolade or two-Like a pan in a play, and we' re right back. to ego-square one. In The Theatre, we are often asked to "check our egos at the door.n This statement is given by teachers as a reminder of why we need the audition ritual. To assuage our guilt for having ego build-up, we masochists subject ourselves to periodic ego-bashing at other club meetings, such as rehearsals and classes. These provide some opportunity, but nothing works as quicldy to de. ego as the audition. So, we look forward to auditions with eagerness. Overloaded with the weight of our re-animated egos, we enter the god's auditorium-lair, make the two-minute sacrifice - which is, for you sports fans, not the same thing as but close to a two-minute warning - and walk out ego-free. We are only too happy to offer ourselves. This is how we hone our masochistic skills. Once sacrificed, we are no longer merely actors; we are masochistic wonders. Much lighter masochistic wonders. Members of the club are encouraged to branch out Many of us aspire ' to also become adi ts. We do this by becoming directors. However, we are allowed into the sadistic branch of the club only when the god of Theatre i sated by our masochistic sacrifice. Because the god of Theatre is so hungry, this could take some time. Quite a lot of time. Dec.a.des, even. But that's okay, because we can all wait tables and hone our masochistic skills even further. I must be crazy to be a theatre major. But Fred Adams, who knows so much I swear he's got CD Roms for memory, says that if you think you're mad, then you're really sane. Real cr:uy people think they're sane. So I guess I'm just a crazy wannabe. A masochistic crazy wannabe. l tried to live in the real world. Once. For about a week. Then l discovered something. l can't really tel! the difference. The real world is like a dream, okay, a nightmare, anyway. Like Shakespeare says, wAII the world' a srage,"so why bother trying? Like SUU i the real world. Yeah, right. I sense there are many other unofficial masochistic dubs at SUU. I've seen that stressed-out-and-loving-it look all over campus . In fact, masochism is probably, unofficially, a requirement for admission to college. Perhaps if we all band together, we will appease our various gods all the more quickly. Then we can more quickly become what we really want to be: Sadists. Celebrations PartY SUPPiies & More! "If we don·t have it. we·n order it for YOur· 76 W. Hardina Ave. • 586- 1465 • Cedar CitY 586-3900 • 124 S. Main Sandwiches • Calzones • Homemade Cookies • Pizza • Spaghetti One 'fime Salad Bar Buy One Get One Free Fne Delinry 586-3900 Phu Factory's Buckd of Spaghdtl $9.99 plus 1 garlic breads. 586-3900 Olftr goad witlt coupon only. Redum al PizzP Factory, JU S. Main. Ezpins Oct. 18. /993 O.ffu 1oad with cmipon only. Ruh.em al Piw, Factory, 124 S. Main. Ezpires Oct. 18. 1993 r:-----------:, BUY 2 GET 1 FREE •LAWMAN •STEEL •GIMME •GAP •ROCKY MT. •GUESS •AND MUCH MORE ... 19 N. MAIN 586-2522 Exp. 10-9-93 • We'll Beat Any Price! I We'll beat any price in : the United States on I Brand Name Electronics. 1 Including : Kenwood I Alpine • Sony • Precision I Power• Clarion• Rockford Fosgate • Caustic• M.T.X. and J.L. Audio Plus! Custom Installation Custom Speaker Enclosures Crazy Bob's 19 N. Main Cedar City 586-2522 CIRCLE DINING Specials Breakfast Sandwich 98¢ Soup in a Bread Bowl 98¢ Fish Sandwich 98¢ In the Country Store Monday - Friday 8:30-3:30 Fresh'. Hot Bread Bagels, Pretzels, Popcorn Fountain Drinks |