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Show !THURSDAY, MARCH 1, 2001 UNIVERSITY JOURNAL OPINION . PACiE 11 SOME PEOPLE CALL THIS DAVE BARRY E BEST JOB O CAM. S AND IT'S OPENING AGAIN FOR NEXT YEAR. COMMENTARY - - u..;:""'•=---- SINCE ITS THE BEs:-f JOB, WE NEED THE BEST PERSO N TO SERVE A5 Build a bus 111useu,n ADVERTISING MANAGER URGENT TAXPAYER BULLETIN: The Federal Budget Surplus Crisis has become so severe that there is now serious talk in Washington of LE1'-i:ING YOU KEEP SLIGHTLY MORE OF YOUR OVVN MONEY. That is correct The government has been taking in so much of your money that EVEN CONGRESS is having a hard time spending it all. Not that Congress isn't trying ! In fact, in recent years Congress, faced with the alarming buildup of your money, has come up with some truly creative things to spend it on . My favorite is th9 Greyhound Bus Museum. I am not making the Greyhound Bus Museum up. It's located in Hibbing, Minn . ("Gateway to the Greater Hibbing Area"). As every history student should know, Hibbing is the birthplace of Greyhound. wh ich started as a smaH bus company and then grew. in historic · fashion, tnto what it is today: a large bus company: I'm sure that every taxpayer-especially every taxpayer who has ever had to take a long bus trip sitting near the toilet-0ften thinks: "I hope and pray that at least some tiny portion of the tax money I - worked so hard for is used to help finance a bus museum in a city that I will probably never vis_it unless I happen to be in a plane that crashes there!" Well, taxpayers, your prayers have been answered, thanks to U.S. Rep. Jim "Jim" Oberstar, who represents (surprise!) Hibbing. Not only did Jim procure $80,000 in federal money for the Greyhound museum, but he also boasted about it in a press release, which I imagine you taxpayers also paid for. This press release states that the $80,000 came from an act of Congress called the "Transportation Efficiencies Act for the 21st Century." The release further states that, initially, the Minnesota Department of Transportation (MN/DOT) "wasn't certain" that the Greyhound museum "fit the criteria" for the Transportation Efficiencies Act. But as Rep. Oberstar points out, he was "a key architect of the legislation, " and thus was "in a better position to help MN/DOT understand how Congress intended the money to be used." You tell "em, Jim! Don't let those dopes at MN/DOT prevent Y.OU from spending our money as you see fitl If a bus museum doesn't epitomize the true meaning of Transportation Efficiency for the 21st Century, then I don't know what does! Of course, the bus museum is only one of many, many examples of how Congress is working to ease the dangerous buildup of your money in washington. Thanks to Congress, you're also paying $1 .5 million for sunflower research, and $176,000 for the Reindeer Herders Association. No, really! Unfortunately, we cannot put a serious dent in our dangerously high budget surplus by spending pathetic amounts like $1 .5 million. That is why we should be thankful to leaders such as U.S. Sen. Robert Byrd (0-W. Va.), who has, over the years, spent more than one billion taxpayer dollars in his relentless ongoing effort to improve West Virginia by covering the entire surface of the state wtth a gigantic slab of federal concrete. And let us not forget Sen. Trent Lott (R-Miss.), a man so concerned about our naval preparedness that he demanded that the U.S. Navy be given-for starters-$375 million for a helicopter assault ship to be built In (surprise!) Sen. Lott's hometown. In pushing this vital naval project through, Sen. Lott had to overcome the resistance of ... well , the Navy. That's right: The Navy did not want this ship. Fortunately, Sen. Lott is not the kind of candypants leader to let some upstart outfit like the U.S. Navy tell him what our naval needs are, any more than Rep. Oberstar is going to let the so-called "Minnesota Department of Transportation" tell HIM about transportation. . I could talk about many other heroic efforts by our leaders to reduce the federal budget surplus. But the tragic fact is, they have failed. The surplus has reached such alarming levels that it now appears likely that Congress may actually reduce your taxes slightly. Of course, Congress must first argue for months about exactly which of you taxpayers are worthy of being allowed to keep slightly more of your money. And no matter what Congress decides, the odds are that you, personally , won't get much tax relief- certainly nowhere near I Reindeer Herder Association money. But still, thanks to the generosity of Congress, some day-perhaps as early as next year-you might be able to afford .a slightly nicer summer vacation! The Greyhound Bus Museum is open from May 15 • through the end of September. The highly motivated and hard-worklng 'tllmer of Jhis job could expect to make up to S1 ,200 per mooth (that'• right) & ·an in-state tuition waiver. The posffion requires a pleasing personality, the ability to sell, an attention to detail, the ability to worll well under pressure and a motor vehicle. The ~me commitment may vaiy but may be as many as 20-25 hoUrs per week built around his OJ her schedule of dasses. The actual time will depend on the organizational sl<Jlls of the suocesstul candidate . Position begins one week before fall dasses begin. Winner wlll traln tor nex! year during the mooth of April and be paid minimum wage for six hours per week for that training period. To apply, drop off a resume wttt, a ooVer letter to Technology 011A by 5 p.m., March 23. AU candida es will be telephoned to arrange ari Interview time FOJ questions, cau586-nsa or 586-nst . Dave Barry is a natis,nal/y-syndicated columnist. • i I l. ' 1 \ \ 1 FOR THE UNMRSITI JOURNAL. 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