OCR Text |
Show The Thunderbird Monday April 14, 1986 tl Cachectic Observatory BY STEVE YATES r; .iss Moving is mankind's curse Its been such a long time since I last wrote a column, Im not sure remember exactly what it is Im supposed to do. Is it my function, to bring to as a responsible columnist, to give you the whole story d light, issues and ideas that are important and relevant to our ideas in that are these To fresh, intelligent, ways society? campus present and understandable to, say, your average idiot? I think not. Well, now that weve got that settled, lets get down to business, and completely avoid any important topics. Relevance? Who needs it. What does it have to do with anything anyhow? Lets not talk about the threat of global war, and how it will affect the price of textbooks, or how the plummeting price of oil will influence Phil Reisens hairstyles in the future. And please, lets not have any more talk about the evils of pornography from people who cant even stand the sight of their own mirrors. Okay guys, we all know naked bodies in front of that sex is dirty, so give it a rest, alright? Lets talk instead about something that has been the curse of mankind ever since he left the trees and started living in caves. Im talking about, of course, moving (insert ominous music here). Speaking of cavemen, though, when they had left the trees and started living in caves and raising families, did they ever take their kids to the old tree and say things like, See that limb, son? Thats where your mother and I lived before you were born. Or how about when primitive families moved to a new cave? Did they sit around and worry that they had left some cherished belonging behind (Oh dang, honey. I think I left my wooly mammoth shinbone at the old place.)? I guess they had to leave all of their pictures behind, since they were carved into the walls. I dont know. I lose a lot of sleep worrying about cavemen. Anyway, back to the subject. I guess everyone at one point or another has had to deal with moving, particularly college students, who seem to spend most of their time moving in and out of different apartments. Its not so bad moving if youve only been in a place a few months, but after youve lived in a place two years, you find that you have like accumulated a vast amount of junk, especially if youre a pack-ra- t I am, and never throw anything away. Over spring break, I was subjected to moving. I was leaving my humble apartment in which I had spent two carefree years, and the things which I found while packing and cleaning up astonished and perplexed me. Beneath my couch, I found a beer can with a nickle taped to it. I thought to myself, I must have done this for some reason. But now, d I cannot remember what that reason was. I was also to explain why I had the instruction manual for a sewing machine in my silverware drawer. I dont even own a sewing machine. In one of my cupboards, I found the following items: nine cans of tomato paste, an empty box of Rice Chex, a spoon that had something I fast-pace- h 911 SOUTH MAIN STREET HOCJRS: 10:00 AM 9:00 PM MON. THRU FRI. SAT. 10:00 AM 7:00 PM MOVIES AND A RENT 586-114- 1 VCR-- FOR ONLY $7.001986 WITH STUDENT I.D. EXPIRES APRIL 24, cp enn hard-presse- (continued on page WAKE UP! 6) HERMIES DEPOT HERMIES TOO PORKY BURGER ENCHILADA And Save On Great Breakfasts 9r7HWrS.t 2M,Rnh With This Coupon 1 Arbys Breakfast Platter ErOm Artys With This Coupon (with choice of ham, bacon, or Any Breakfast Croissant sausage) (with 2 fillings) Only $119 Offer valid through April 31, 1986 '. at participating Arbys Roast Beef Restaurants. One coupon per customer. Not valid with any other offer. Only $1i9 Offer valid through April 31, 1986 at participating Arby's Roast Beef Restaurants. One coupon per customer Not valid with any other offer. ONLY 99$ Limit one coupon per customer, per visit Good only at Hermies Depot 231 North 1100 West, Cedar City Ut 84720 Expires April 21, 1986 HERMIES DEPOT 231 NORTH 1100 WEST CEDAR CITY, UTAH FOR ONLY $1.79 Limit one coupon per customer, per visit Good only at Hermies Too 564 North Main Street, Cedar City, Ut 84720 Expires April 21, 1986 HERMIES TOO 564 NORTH MAIN CEDAR CITY, UTAH P age 5 |