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Show rv: Cachectic Observatory BY STEVE YATES Supermarket wars in the 20th Century Last week I told you that one of my least favorite things to do is laundry. I also told you, that no rpatter how loathsome it may be, its just one of those things that has to be done. In similar vein, I will now reveal one more hateful task that just seems to need doing far too often. It all started out, simply enough, yesterday morning when I woke up (often my worst mistake of the day). After gathering my widely sc ered senses, and enduring a brisk shower, I shambled to the refrigerator for by the cold seeking breakfast. I was doomed to disappointment glare of the refrigerator lightbulb I saw these items only, and nothing more: A dish containing half a cube of butter, half a bottle of ketchup, and a half empty can of Pepsi, sealed with a wad of alluminum foil. Since I was half starved, I realized that a trip to The Supermarket was in order. With great satisfaction I read the large sign on the store window, which said in large friendly letters; Speedy Check-out- ! No Waiting! Good, I thought, I hate to wait. Ill just get in, get it done, and get out no sweat. I noticed with pleasure that the check-ou- t counters were virtualy devoid of customers. Ha! This will be easy, I gloated. After spending 20 minutes finding a cart with all of its wheels in working order, I was ready to begin. Now the big choice which aisle should I start in? Should I follow a systematic pattern, or should I just wander randomly from place to place? Since my mind works in an aimless fashion anyhow, I opt for randomness. Considering that it was the lack of breakfast that brought me here in the first place, I decide to begin my shopping experience in the breakfast aisle. As usual, I am astounded at the vast array of cereals. You name it, theyve got it. This is the part that I hate the most there are just too many choices for my feeble brain to deal with. Its not just a choice between cereals, its a choice between which one has the best free toy inside. Lets see. Do I want the nutrition of Bran Flakes (no prize), or the palate pleasing taste of Sugar Wads (free pencil sharpener). I cannot decide, so I make it easy on myself and get the Variety-Pa- k (what happened to the c?) with its large array of Getting cereal reminds me that I also need milk, so I hurry off in that direction. On the way there, I am nearly run into a pyramid of soup cans by a crazed individual speeding down the school supplies aisle with a cart full of avocados. May your cart lose a wheel and plummet you into the tomato bin! I shout at a disappearing form. Suddenly the air grows frigid, and I find myself in the frozen food section. I remember the days when it was considered socially unacceptable to eat TV dinners. Now I see that they have Gourmet Frozen Entrees, with prices that would make the fattest wallet wither. A TV dinner by any other name... I pass them by, and satisfy myself with assorted frozen vegetables. Another half an hour of aisle wandering, and I am done, my cart brimming with chemically preserved taste treats. Now off to the register and home hopefully to be in time for the Bugs BunnyRoadrunner Show (the last decent cartoons to survive on TV). Whoa, now wait a minute half an hour ago there were no people at all in the check out lines. Now it looks like every mother in the entire southwestern Utah area has suddenly materialized while I was still in the cereal aisle. How did that happen? Obviously none of them came here to just pick up a few things. One lady, I notice, has roped six or seven carts together to form a huge shopping barge. I park my cart in the least crowded lane, and casually scan the quality assortment of reading material. Princess Di in Love with Alien Invaders? shouts one headline. Elvis Ghost Haunts Top Psychics Broom Closet! proclaims another. By the time I reach the checker, I have read the magazine twice. I thought your sign said No Waiting!, I say to the nice check-ou- t lady. Shut up and hand over your wallet, she snarls. I flee, broken of spirit and cash and wouldnt you know, I forgot to get coffee. I think Ill just shop at from now on. THE WHOPPER: DELICIOUS ALL WAYS. 'V' ". ', 1 5 v: 7 - . s o'- - & NX 5 ' f 1 V iJ- j! 0 V tj-r- Vi cr mini-boxe- 7-- The Communication Connection We start with sizzling hot flame-broile- d We add fresh tomato, crispy lettuce, beef. niinpfTD crunchy p onion and other tasty fixin's. And then we serve it just the way you want it. j I SirSdi -- 37 BuyoneWhoppersandwich, get another Whopper free. Please present this coupon before ordering. Limit one coupon per customer. Not to be used with other coupons or offers. Void where prohibited by law. This offer expires Oct. 31 Good only at: 6jRGER ki CtiNG 1215 Wost 200 North Cedar City o Thunderbird Classified Ads UJ5 Burger KingWhopper-Re- g. U S. Pat. & TM Off. 1982 Burger King Corporation j |