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Show A4 Sanpete Messenger-Gunnison Valley Edition Wednesday, March 19, 2008 U g n . i S r . u 8 t c 9 i P Flu-written, not flea-ridden My column today is flu-written. No, I did not say flea-ridden. Flearidden is what happens when you saddle a flea and ride it. Flu-written means you wrote something while coughing your head off and wishing you’d gotten the influenza shot last fall. You know—the vaccination the CDC now thinks was for the wrong viral strain. Since some of you may actually be coughing and hacking yourself, I thought I’d share a list of items that make it easier to function while dying of the flu. 1. Laptop computer. Lie on the couch and prop your laptop on your knees. In your weakened condition, you would slide onto the floor if you tried to sit at a desk, anyway. Play a few computer games to sharpen your mind for your upcoming nap. 2. Kleenex. The closer the box sits, the quicker you stop drips. For ease of use, place the box on your forehead. Expect that in your hazy condition, the trashcan will appear farther away than it actually is, so save your energy and drop the used tissues on the floor. When your spouse asks about the three-foot-deep layer of wadded Kleenex, blame the kids. If he/she notices “Gorg, the Barbarian Warrior,” is loaded on your laptop and asks why, say you’re balancing the checkbook online. 3. Motrin. The bigger the better—a giant 5,000 mg tablet would definitely stop the ache in your joints—but then, it might be tough to get that down your sore throat. Try dipping it in honey first. 4. Cough medicine—the kind with the label that warns of a visit by drug enforcement officers if you tell anyone it’s in the house. Take a tablespoon or six and watch how quickly your cough stops. Lick the drip on the edge of the bottle, just to insure you’ve had enough. You might see pretty lights and feel sleepy. Gorg, the Barbarian, may jump off the screen and actually speak to you. Don’t worry; it’s just the effects of the flu. Take a few more tablespoons of cough syrup to counteract it. 5. Ice cream. Ignore your doctor’s orders to avoid sugar because it inhibits healing. What does he know? His 30 years of study at Harvard haven’t made him any smarter than you. Consume a gallon or two of Ben and Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream—just to prove him wrong and cheer you up. 6. Thermometer. This is the most important item in your flu-fighting arsenal. Take your temperature every few minutes. If it shows normal, run it under really hot water to kill the germs. Then, look at it again. See? You’ve got a temperature of 210 degrees! It’s a wonder you even have the strength to wad up Kleenex. If your spouse asks you to walk the dog or run to the grocery store, reply with a racking cough and the words, “But, I’m a sickie with a fever.” Your partner needs to understand you’re far too weak to do anything but sit and chat with Gorg, the Barbarian. I hope these tips have helped. I’m sure I could think of more, but the thermometer shows I’m running a temperature, so I can’t do work of any kind. Besides, it’s been five minutes since my last dose of cough syrup and I’d better take a cup or two. Aaahh, that’s better. Oh, and one more thing. Before I leave to get a gallon of ice cream from the freezer ... Gorg, the Barbarian, says to tell you hello. (Disclaimer: This column is all in fun. Do not consume large amounts of Motrin or cough syrup, no matter how bad your symptoms. But hey, the gallon of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream might be okay.) Salt Lake photo exhibit illustrates life along important Utah road, from north to south SALT LAKE CITY—An exhibit scheduled to open Friday at the Rio Gallery of the Utah Arts Council in Salt Lake City will feature photographs, the people and places many Sanpeters will find familiar. The exhibit, “People, Places and Things on U.S. 89,” by BYU photography professor John Telford, seeks to document the daily lives, routines and shared experiences of people who live along the route. The exhibit consists of 60 photographs, more than a dozen of which are images of Sanpete people and places. This will be the first time all of Telford’s U.S. 89 photos will be together in a single exhibit. Below are a few samples of some of the exhibit, which will be on display until Saturday, April 12. The Rio Gallery is located in the Rio Grande Depot in Salt Lake City, 310 South Rio Grande Street (455 West). The gallery is open Monday-Friday from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. and Saturdays from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. The exhibit received support from the Utah Arts Council. Don Walker, Walker Boots, Spring City Lee Barton, turkey farmer, Manti BIRTHS Gunnison Valley Births On Feb. 4, 2008 a girl was born to Casey and Tori Mickelsen of Ferron. She weighed 6 pounds 10 ounces and will be named Taylie Rae Mickelsen. On March 5, 2008 a girl was born to Pandra Alires of Salina. She weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces and will be named Patience llene Alires. On March 12, 2008 a boy was born to Casey and Talisha Johnson of Manti. He weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces and will be named Koy Casey Johnson. On March 13, 2008 a boy was born to Joshua and Ashley Peterson of Ephraim. He weighed 7 pounds 15 ounces and will be named Kellen Joshua Peterson. On March 14, 2008 a boy was born to Jared and Ashlee Gleave of Richfield. He weighed 7 pounds 13 ounces and will be named Calvin Keith Gleave. Kris Burns, Gunnison sanpetemessenger.com Thomas Grocery, Sterling MISSIONS OBITUARIES Norma Jeffery Norma Jeffery, formerly a resident of Centerfield passed away Sunday, Feb. 24, 2008 at her home in Afton, Okla. of Aplastic Anemia. She was born in Centerfield, Aug. 6, 1923 to Leonard and Myrtle Jensen. After graduating from Gunnison Valley High School, she moved to Salt Lake City where she met a soldier, Lee Jeffery from Dec. 31, 1942. After he returned from the war, they spent most of their married life in Kansas, northeast of Oklahoma. She is survived by her husband, three sons, Allen, and wife Nelda Jeffery of Payola, Kan., Kurt and DeLana of Yates Center, Kan., Chris and Sharla of Sedan, Kan., eight grandchildren and 18 great-grandchildren. She is also survived by her brother Duard Jensen of Sacramento, Calif. and her sister Zina Jensen. Graveside services were held Wednesday, Feb. 27, 2008 in Miami, Oaklahoma. Farewell sanpetemessenger.com sanpetemessenger.com ATTENTION: DESCENDANTS OF AMASA MASON LYMAN Reserve July 31 to August 2, 2008 for the 2nd Amasa Mason Lyman Educational & Historical Society Exposition, to be held at the Grant Stake Center - 1100 E. 3400 S. Salt Lake City. There will be family activities plus special guest speakers, and seminars, together with books, CDs, photos and memorabilia of Amasa Mason Lyman and his wives and descendants. For more information and for pre-registration, please contact Amy Lyman at (801)400-2408 or email her at anillacookie@hotmail.com Michael Johnson Geneva Switzerland Mission Michael Johnson has accepted a call to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He will serve in the Geneva Switzerland Mission and will enter the MTC on April 9, 2008. He will speak in the Manti Third Ward sacrament meeting on Easter Sunday, March 23 at 11 a.m. Michael is the son of Steve and Dorothy Johnson of Manti. Protesting pageant protestors, Manti Delta Sands Apartments Low Income & Handicapped Senior Housing (435) 864-2908 274 West 100 South Delta, Utah 84624 Michael Johnson EQUAL HOUSING OPPORTUNITY Apartments available. Very nice come in and see. Call for an appointment. Must meet the Low Income Requirements of the U.S.D.A. |