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Show law. The collusive divorces, which are so common are nothing but ruptures of marriages on the proba-tionary plan, and when viewed in the light of the relative intelligence of the race they are vastly more Immoral than the Congoese system. Buffalo Truth. Itlitrrluse on H'O Probnllonary IMan. Among the Congo negroes when a tnan wishes a wife he secures her and ktvps her on probation a year. If her temper nnd deportment are satisfactory he at the end of the year formally mar-ries her. But should she prove an incumbrance he sends her back to her parents' roof. There used to be such a practice among the Scotch High-landers in the old savage days. There was a process known as "hand-acting.- " which is not wholly extinct. Observa-tion leads me to remark that the probation year" business seems to have struck root in this country if we are to judge from the number of wives sent to their paternal homes after a year or so each of trial of matrimony. The records of tho divorce courts show that there is considerable of it here and that it is done under the forms of y Hnult'i Walrhful T.jr. There was a meeting of representa-tive railroad men and steamship mana-gers in St. Petersburg to discuss th feasibility of introducing round trip'' tickets in the interior of Kusia. Such tickets would be of great benefit to those who have business in the Volga district, and make short trips from one city to another by the steamers on that river, and also to excursionists along the railroad lines. But this measure is discountenanced by the police authorities. At present there is an officer sta-tioned by every ticket ollice who may examine the passports of the travelers, without whose permission no ticket can be sold. But if round trip tickets should be issued, the holder of a return ticket to any place may sell it tc an-other person, and the police would be unable to keep its eye on the traveling public Exchange. How's TliL? We offer One Hundred Dollar reward for an? rase of catarrh tliut c.nuot be cuied b taking lUU'i Caianh Cure. We, tlie undrrriirDed, bare knowu F J. Clieney for ihc last 15 years, and believe biia perfectly bonurable in all business transac-tions, and financially alle to curry gtu any obligations niaiie by "their firm. V EiT fc Tia'ax, Wboiesaie DruggUts, Tole-do, O. Walhino, KiNNiN & Makvis, Wholesale llrupgisU, Toledo, O. II all' s Catarrh. Cure Is taken Internally, acting directly upon the bjood and mucous surfaces of the system. 1 eetimnniaia sent free, Price 75c. yer bottle. Sold by all druggists. to the history of the period a full report of that conversation would be! Finally Lee went out "very pale and evidently under deep emotion," says an officer who happened to see him as he left the venerable friend he was never to see more. ( f all the episodes of this war, to me there is none fuller of pathos than this. As he walked away Lee felt that he wan leaving all his hopes behind him. It happened that he met Ben Hardin Helm at the threshold of the war de-partment. Helm had been a cadet at West Point while Lee was superintend-ent, and stopped to speak to his old-tim- e commandant. Helm, too, wa agitated, for he was brother-in-la- w to Mr. Lincoln, find that very day Lincoln had offered him the place of major and pay-mast- Longstroet, resign-ed." All this Helm told Col. Lee. 'I cannot advise you," said tho stately Virginian, "for within the last hour I have given up my career. I have left the United States Army. My own mind is too much disturbed to ad-vise you. But do what conscience and honor bid." I shall say nothing of Loo as a soldier of the late war. There was one curious fact in Gen. Lee's selection of his staff after ho succeeded Gen. Joseph E. Johnston in the command of tho army of Northern Virginia. It was that his staff was mainly composed of bright young fellows who had come from tho Virginia Military Institute, and not of West Pointers. ' "Never have I seen or known such a man as Gen. Lee," said poor Corley, who died by his own hands long after the war. "I saw him every day for hours. No officer could be kinder or more courteous. But he was hedged about by something a strong natural dignity that no man upon earth ever broke through." I think Senator John W. Daniel best estimated Gen. Lee's character in his incomparable oration at Lexington, Va., June 2!), IHH'A, when ho said: ' When tho lino of battle formed llob-e- rt Lee took his place in the lines be-si-his people, his children, his kin-dred, his home. There can bo no stronger or tenderer tie than that which binds the heart to kindred and home. And on that tie, spanning tho heavens, rivetted through eternity to the throno of God on High, and be-neath it to tho souls of good men and true, in that tie rests, stainless and im-mortal, the fame of Kobert Lee." - A MODEL YOUNG SOLDIER. THE EARLY CAREER OF GENERAL ROBERT E. LEE. Light Horse Harry anil llli Famous Hon J Interesting Krmiillsceurea of the Midlife Career of t he Fam-ous Mao. Robert Edmund Lee's grandfather and father are frequently confounded in history. Kichard Henry Lee, Kob-ert Lee's grandfather, was born at the family seat, Stafford, in Westmoreland county, Va., about 1732. He was a famous member of tho Virginia house of Burgesses. With his great George Washington, he was among the first Virginians to de-clare that the colonies must set up for themselves. His son, Henry Lee the 'Light Horse" Harry Lee of the revolution was born about 17.j0, possibly a year or two litter. Ho was a very young man when the war began that ended in American independence. When Robert Edmund Lee was 18 years old, writes Wm. Hugh Roberts, he went to West Point. Another young cadet. that year from tho same state and about tho same ago was Joseph Keeleston Johnston, afterward tho fam-ous soldier and general of the confed-eracy. To look at this veteran, as he walks along our world-famo- avenue these fine afternoons, you would scarcely think him to be over 80 and bearing eleven honorable battle scars. The lives of these two distinguished soldiers were thus blended very early in life. While Leo was fond enough of his work, he wanted some duty that would give him more life. He was a born horseman, and had always regretted that he did not go into one of tho dragoon regiments when they were organized. We had no cavalry proper in the regular military estab-lishment until 18."),"). To bo sure, there were tho two dragoon regiments and the mounted rifles. But so singularly jealous was congress of any increase of the regular army that it was not until 18.)5, and under the greatest pressure, that a bill was finally passed, adding the Ninth nnd Tenth Regiments of in-fantry to the foot force, and authoriz-ing the creation of two mounted regi-ments, the First and Second Cavalry. Here was Lee's opportunity. For the first and only time in Jliis entire life he used political influence to obtain what he wanted. Office duty had be-come more and more distasteful to him, and a four-year- 's tour of duty as super-intendent of the United States Military Academy, beginning at the close of the Mexican war and ending, I believe in 1853, only strengthened his desire for active service in the field. Jefferson Davis was secretary of war, and it has never been denied that he was one of tho very bost secretary's the country ever had. As chairman of tho house military committee he was the means of getting the best rifle of that day in-troduced into our service, and had the percussion-loc- k musket adopted in place of the venerable flint and steel piece that had been in use ever since the nation had a history. In the organization of the new cavalry regi-ments Mr. Davis was especially inter-ested. Even at that now far-aw-period in the nation's history there was sviine sectional feeling growing, and actively stimulated byeertain factions, especially in tho New England states. The president, Mr. Pierce, was a New Hampshire man. There wai a great pressuro brought to bear upon him touching the political status of the officers of the now regiments, but he divided the positions equally with great fairness. For lieutenant-colonel- s of the two new calvary commands ho went to the corps of engineers. To the first he commissioned as Lieutenant-Colone- l Joseph Eeelestun Johnston; to the sec-ond, in tho samo grado, ho sent K. E. Lee. So just in their prime the two Vir-ginians, who had begun life almost together, were at just the same rank, and where they both, most desired to bo, in mounted service. It was nt a far-o- ff cavalry post, just before tho war, that tho writer saw Lieut. --Col. K. K. Leo. He was in tho fatigue uniform of his regimental rank. An orderly was holding his horse, a superb "na-tural" thoroughbred. Col. Lee was then something above the fifties in age. He stood in his riding boots just six feet and an inch. As he gracefully swung himself into the saddle his spirited charger gave a plunge and a bound that would have shaken most horsemen out of the saddle. But it only served to display the admirable calvary seat to perfection. A simul-taneous murmur of admiration went up from tho old troopers about me. I thought I had never seen so excellent a typo of "the man on horseback," the man born to command, as at that mo-ment was Kobert E. Lee! Nothing ever so pained Leo 88 to leave tho old army, lie was on leave early in and lived at Arlington, and almost daily rode over to Washing-ton, lie was always in immaculate riding costume and rode the bost horses that could bo bought. "Yes, I am somewhat extravagant in the matter of horses," said Col. Lee, with gravity, to a friend, "but a horse is the noblest work of God after humanity. I do not consider it an extravagance to own the very best horses your moans will per-mit." It was a charming spring day, 27th of April, in 1861, when Col. Lee sev. ered his connection with the United States army. He went to tho war department. Lieut. -- Col. E. 1). Town-sen- d, afterward Adjutant-Genera- l, and Major W. A. Nichols were on duty. I wish to see Gen. Scott," said Lee, after exchanging tho usual salu-tations. So one of them announced him. Ho remained with the venerable Virginian and soldier almost two uninterrupted hours. What a vn'.uuble contribution Telephones are now being introduced on board men of war. A man never expresses so much Id bis face as when he is trying to ap ear unconscious. NO FAITH IX INDIANS. PERHAPS HE WAS PREJUDICED, HOWEVER. A Very 1)1 aTee:ille Ktorjr ma Tola by a Koiiiuuc.ht to an liiiprratlnnable Newiaitr Writer A lta.il Cowboy. 'Perhaps 1 am naturally prejudiced against Indians; but it is my opinion that it is mighty hard to make a white wan out of an Indian," said a western roniiincist to a New York Tribune writ-er. "You see, "he went on, straighten-ing up suddenly as he became interested nnd his eyes flashed, "I can't very easily forget a case I know of. They were all a pretty rough lot. but good fellows of that kind went in those days. There were four of them, and they had picked their horses and were all around the camp fire. "Jack' Wellen was making coffee, and no doubt it was good coffee, for I have tasted his coffee many a time and I never knew it to disappoint me. He was bending over the coals and the others were lying there smoking when it happened. It didn't take long. There was a rush. The embers were scattered' to the winds. A half-doze- n shots, a hand-to-han- d clinch, a struggle over the sad-dles and on the ground, and the fight was muled. Only one of tho boys got away, and a pity it was that any of them went down like that. "A party of fifteen went over the prairie at a hard gallop the next day, Winchesters across their saddles mid carefully loaded colts in their belts. They rode three days after the assassins, and when they found them they were worse than the Indians had been. They caught the red devils in camp and shot them down faster and surer than their friends hud met their end. Only one of the Indians got out alivo, and she was a young squaw. Now the rest of this story isn't nice, but it's till gospel truth and carries its own moral. One of tho boys swung his lariat around her neck. He drew it up taut and led her behind him. You see it was vengeance with him. Ho was in tho saddle and lie trotted over tho lands for hours. I don't think he knew what he was going to do with her finally, but his blond was hot and lie hated the whole race. She was ready to drop when ho took pity on her, and, slipping off hissaddlo, knotted tho nooso around her throat and lifted her into tho Baddle. Ho wai only a barbarian himself, you see, but ho couldn't kill a woman that way in cold blood. Well, when they got back to the ranch he got a collar and fastened it on her nock and tied her so she could not escape. She was a handsome woman, not a bit copper-colore- d, and had clear eyes and a dazzling skin. He kept her tied all the time, feeding her : m as if she were a wild panther, and she "." ;rot"so tamo that she followed him ,',- - around as far as her tether would let her go. She used to pine when he was out of her sight and crouched at his foot when ho was around. Thut is tho way with squaws, you know. "His heart softened in tho end, and one day ho took off the collar and told her to go. She wouldn't move. He couldn't drive her away. Ho offered to send her back to her tribe, but she sat right down and refused to move an Inch. Ho didn't know what to do. Ho coaxed her, and begged her. and threatened her. She just groveled there on tho ground and hung to his hoots. So one day ho put her behind him on his broncho and rode sixty miles to a settlement. He married her there and came back to tho ranch. "It was loss than six months after this that tho devils came down on us again. Ho was in tho cabin with "nor, Bitting before tho lire. When ho heard tho ilrst yell he jumped to his toot, and seizing his rille, started to bar the door. There was an axe on tho wall and she pulled it down and fol-lowed him, ready to die for him. They . came bursting into tho cabin before either of thorn could reach the door. They were all around him, yelling like demons and brandishing their toma-hawks ubovo his head. He jumped in-to a corner, drawing her behind him to ;protect hor. There was lighting in the .door, for the other boys had come over on the run when they heard the noise. .Hor eyes were blazing and she was in a tremble then. But when she heard the yells as the Indians went down bo-fo- re the revolvers she turned like a ti-j;- or on her husband. He was lighting like a madman, shooting with one hand and clubbing with tho other. Ho was defending her when she raised the axe and killed him. She got away with those who survived tho fight in that room. I don't know whatever became of her, but when I saw him go down with a groan of surpriso and grief at her treachery I said: "An Indian once and an Indian always.' And, mind you, wo were all fighting for our lives. This isn't a pleasant story and I'm sorry I told it, but you can understand mo now when I say that I believe in the old saying about the only good Indian." CONCERNING THE DIET. What You Kat Matters Little If You At-tain Certain Kvaulta. "The human tstem requires a cer-tain quantity of carbon and of nitrogen to keep up tho equilibrium of health," remarked a physician to a New York Telegram reporter. "The healthy man needs 300 grains of nitrogen and 4,600 grains of carljon daily, to supply tho waste that takes place during the twenty-fou- r hours. Ho should select a diet which can supply as nearly as possible the proper amount of each of these substances. It matters little whether ho eat-- s vegetables or meat, so long as he achieves the result. It is very possiblo, as vegetarians con-tend, that a d vegetable diet is capable of bringing the greater number of individuals to the highest physical development of which they are capable, but it would bo difficult for tho majority of workingmen to get tho proper diet of vegetables all the year round, and a mixed diet, partly vegetable and partly animal, is most sensible. "Most men eat too much meat. I know some people who live almost entirely upon it. Tho proper pro-portion is about one part of meut to three of vegetables. One thousand grains of meat con-tain about 100 grains of carbon and :tOO of nitrogen. Therefore to obtain tho 4. (i00 grains of carbon which a a man's system requires no less than six and a half pounds of meat must be consumed daily, while the requisite 300 grains of nitrogen are contained in one and a half pounds of meat, consequent-ly three or four times more meat must bo consumed to spuply tho carbon than is necessary to furnish tho nitrogen. "One thousand grains of bread con-tain 300 grains of carbon and ten of nitrogen. In other words, to obtain tho requisite amount of nitrogen for the system on a diet of bread alone one would have to consume exactly double the quantity of carbon required. A short calculation shows that two pounds of bread and three-quarte- rs of a pound of meat just about compensate for the daily drain on the systen of a healthy man. ' 'Beef and mutton usually contain 15 per cent of carbonaceous and 20 per cent of nitrogeneous material. Pota-toes have 2-- per cent carbonaceous and 2 of nitrogeneous material, very nearly the proportion the system re-quires. Oatmeal has 66 carbonaceous and 16 nitrogeneous parts, and, taken ulone, is a bettor article of food than boof as regains the roquiroiionts of the system. Skinimod milk contains ear bon and nitrogen in about equal quan-tities,, 'Oatmeal and good milk and bread, for breakfast, with beef and potatoes for dlnnor, form about the best diet that can be devised." A KIND-HEARTE- D DRUGGIST. Mark Twain" Telia an Interesting Story of Him. Murk Twain was present at the banquet of the National Wholesale Druggist' Association at a recent mooting in Washington, and in return for his dinner related the following story, given in the Pharmaceutical Era: "About a thousand years ago, ap-proximately, I was apprenticed as a printer's devil to learn tho trade, in common with three other boys of about my own age. There came to tho village a long-legge- d Individual, of about nineteen, from one of the interior counties; fish-eye- no expression, and without 'the suggestion of a smile couldn't have smiled for a salary. We took him for a fool, and thought we would try to scare him to death. We went to the village druggist and borrowed a skeleton. The skeleton didn't belong to the druggist, but he had imported it for the village doctor, because the doctor thought ho would send away for it, having some delicacy about using Laughter. Tho price of a skeleton at that time was fifty dollars. I don't know how high they go now, but probably higher, on ac-count of tho tariff. Wo borrowed the skeleton about nine o'clock nt night, and we got this man Xicodemus Dodge was his name we got him down-town, out of tho way, and then we. put tho skeleton in his bed. He lived in a little, d log-cab- in in tho mid-dl- o of a vacant lot. We left him to get home by himself. We enjoyed the re-sult in the light of anticipation: but, y, we began todropintosilenee; the possible consequences were jurying upon us. Suppose that it frightens him into madness, overturns his reason, and sends him screeching through the streets! We shall spend sleepless nights the rest of our days. Everybody was afraid. y, it was forced to tho lips of one of us that we had better go at, onco and see what had happened. Loaded down with crime, wo approach-ed that hut and peeped through tho window. That long legged critter was sitting on his bed with a hunk of gin-gerbread in his hand, and between the bites he played a tune on a jew's-harp- . There ho sat perfectly happy, and all around him on the bed were toys nnd jimcracks and striped candy. The darned cuss, ho had gone and sold that skeleton for five dollars. (Laughter.) The druggist's fifty dollar skeleton was gone. Wo went in tears to the druggist and explained the matter. We couldn't have raised that fifty dollars in two hundred and fifty years. We were getting board and clothing for tho first year, clothing and board for tho sec-ond year, and both of them for the third year. The druggist forgave us on the spot, but he said he would like us to let him have our skeletons when we were done with them; There couldn't bo anything fairer fhan that; wo j spouted our dtailctons jna yeut awa'y comfortable. J But fron14t.hu tinto tho druggist's prosperity ceased. That was one of the most unfortunate spec-ulations he ever went into. After some years one of the boys went and got drowned; that was one skeleton gono, nnd I tell you tho druggist felt pretty badly about it. A few years af-ter another of the boys wont up in a balloon. Ho was to get five dollars an hour for it. When he gets back they will bo owing him one million dollars. The druggist's property was decreas-ing right along. After ti few more years, tho third boy tried an experi-ment to see if a dynamite charge would go. It went all right. They found some of him, perhaps a still it was enough to show that some more of that estate had gone. The druggist was getting along in years, and he commenced to correspond with me. I have been tho best correspond-ent ho has. He is thesweetest-nature- d man I ever saw always mild and polite, and never wants to hurry me at all. I get a letter from him every now and then, and he never refers to my form as a 'skeleton; says: "Well, how is it getting along is it in good repair?" I got a night-rat- e message from him recently said he was getting old and the property was depreciating in value, and if I could let him have a part of it now he would give time on the balance. Think of the graceful way in which he does everything the generosity of it all. You cannot find a finer character than that. It is the gracious characteristic of all druggists. So, out of my heart, I wish you all prosperity and every happiness." "OUT OF SIGHT" Is the expression of all who have used the J.I.CaseT. M.Cos Ironsides Agitators, Horse Powers, Swinging Stackers, Tread Powers and Saw Frames, SAW MILLS AND ENGINES, Because they are so far ahead 01 all others In good work and durability, RACINE, WIS. t ) CTLOGUC FREE. I siGKHEaeasHEW It irosltlT lycurd by f A nTrfl P tbeeeMttlePilli. ' LA II I ThT alio rell.T. DIs ilV tress from Dvsp.psia.In- rliHi mm fligsstionandTooHeartv Kl JS ITTLE Eating, k perfect rem I I m en f edy for Dlzzinees.Nansen El I Vr K Drowsiness, Bad Tuf I I SLaaa in tb Mouth. Ooata! I I PILLS. Tongne.Pain In the Side. I! I " FT TOKMD MVEB. Thar T 1 M utr regulate the) Boweli. astMsssMsssnl Pursly Vegetable. .J price 2K Cent CASTES LIDICKE CO., 8EW YOiS. Small PHKSmall Dose. SmallPrice. YASEUNB. F'OR OKB DOLLAR lent u bf natl. w will A del ver, free of al charges, to any person In the United Htatos, all tiia following artlclef t&refully packed In a ueat box: One two-oun- bottle of Pare Vaseline 10 eta. One two-oun- bottle Vaseline Pomade 1 5 eta, Onejnrof Vaseline Cold Cream 15 eta. One cake of Vaseline Camphor Ice lOcts. One cake of Vaseline Soap, unsoented.... 10 eta. One cake of Vaseline 8oap. scented 25 eta. One two-oun- bottle of White Vaaellne 26 eta. ftlJfi Of tor stamps any slnsle article at the If price. TOO hare ooeaslon. to use Vaseline In any form beoamfal toacceptonly genuine goods pat up bjrm In original packages. A great many drucglstsart trying to peratmde buyers to take VASKi-lN- pal up by them. Merer yield to such persuasion, asth article la an Imitation without value, nnd will not give yon the result you exuect. A bottle of Blm Seal Vaseline is sold by all druggists at ten cents. CHKSKRROruH Mf. Co., 4 Sill St. Isw York, DELCWffl NERVE AND BRAIN TREATMENT! Ipeeiflfl for Hysteria. Dlnrinwu.nts, Nenralpla, Wakt fulness, Ifantal lprision, Softening1 of th Brain, rt suiting In Innanlty and I Muling to misery dcar art tath, Prematura Old age, lisrrsnness. Loss of rwr In cither hi, InToluntary Losses, and Sperm storrhoa auaed by of the brain, or Each box eontalm one month's tresW sent, il a box, or six for $h, aunt by mail prepslo. With earn order for six boxes, will send purchase fuarantf to refund Money tf the treatment filiate are. auaranteos iusuod and genuine sold eaij bf GOO DTI AN DllKi o , 1110 Farnam Street. OMAHA, JVJU DID YCU EVER HAVE $1,000 In yonr pocket at one timet WeonVr this amount for an ORIGINAL ADVERTISING NOVKLTY to the man or woman, boy or girl, who' shall devlie the best original-ity to advertise Ilidjto's Pood For Infants and invalids in every horns in America. For further Instructions ad,trea AdTertlsinsf lep't WOOLK1CH A 00., Palxer, Miss. Mention tlie Haws of this paper when you write. Manhood ?hior fill imprudence, causing Frernutore Dtcay, Nervous Iebiiity, lAmt Manhood, Ac, haviutr tried in vainevry known remedy, has discovered asimpie mwunof sfif cure,, which lie will send (scaled) FREE to htsfellnw-riif-ferer- Address J. II. HEEVKS, Esq. Hox 32W, N. Y. City. fENSION "s?5 Fpeclal attention gWen to tha above. NATHAN IllCKFORD, Solicitor Of Claims, Washington, D. C. Hererences furnished in anj State. Blanks "TENTS AND AWNINGS I Paul Inn, Horse and Waj?oii Corera, Btoekmen's Bed Sheets, Camping Outfits, OlMothing and all kinds of CanTas good. OMAHA TENT AND AWMNU CO., 1119 Kat nam street, Omaha. Neb. WANTED! A LADY Tosend oat circulars, do pleasant, paring- steady noma work, few hour dully. Bend 10e (Mirer) for book of t iTrurtionMn our NKW Ai.T, with terms. hYLVA'Ottt Box N. Portduron, Mich. QWCCfPOTATOES ed un the shares. No experience required. Directions for sprouting free. Addi"- - T. J. SKIKKEB, Columbus, Kansas. TflP.flMS ,M"r " N Psrfnlly Invsstsd innj b. Br1nr Amill.,iT from twon,T to. Test ns. Iacoma lftVKSTatXT Co., Tacom. 1 A C C can hsve smaller feet. Folld O oom fort. Pamphlet froe. Sam ple Dk., loc. The l'edlne Co., New Vera. A Song; t Pudding;. Listen while the kettle sings Ot' puddings, pies and all Kood things, And better, better, best of all, Of England's "speckled cannon ball." The comely housewife iu a trice Buys Hour, sugar, egg--s and spice, Then deftly mixes all together Until about the hue of leather; And then she puts in last of all The raisins plump and currants small. She forms the mass into a ball And puts it in a kettle tall. Then through the door an odor comes Of heating spico and cooking plums. Then, when with holly in tho top, And brandy sauce a royal sop Thut pudding on its platter stands It seems the work of fairy hands. Then listen while the kettlo sings Of puddings, pies and all good things; But better, better, best of all Is this, the "speckled cannon ball." A New Way to Take 111 111. Maud Stevens. There she sat, with sweet surprise - - Mixed with mischief iu her eyes; While before her he stood calm, Holding in his outstretched palm A tiny circlet, made of gold, Chased with figures (plaint and old. " 'Twos my grandma's ring," he said. Then quite low, with face grown rod. 'This offering now to you I bring, Plead with you to take this ring." From her face the laughter died As she turned her face aside, Klowly took the proffered band, Slipped it on her bare white hand; "That is right, for don't you see, I can now your grandma be." Cheered on by OTiinIc. Tho cry was "On to Richmond!" in the early spring of 1862, and the army of the Potomac separated. Some were sent to Fort Monroe and other points south. Tho German division went down through tho Shenandoah, Sum-ner in csmmand at iirst, then Fremont and afterward Sigcl. I was with the latter, nnd many and many a long and 'wearisome inarch we had, says a writer in the New York Tress. Finally, one day, we came to a branch of the Shen-andoah. There were no pontoons and we waded across, the water up to our shoulders. We kept marelring along, our wet clothing catching and retaining the dust. We were just about getting dry when we struck tho same river and waded it again, to our exceeding dis-comfort. Later on the same day we were sick-ened with tho sight of another turn of the river. The Thirty-nint- h regiment, New York volunteers, were in advance when the order was given to wide across. They kicked and refused, and, the rear coming up, a block and con- -' uslon ensued. A musician of the Thirty-nint- h, an E flat cornet player, who was one of the jolliest men I ever knew, made a rush for the river, wadod in until the water reached nearly to his armpits and began playing an ex-quisite waltz. The sight of that fellow playing un-der such circumstances was so comical that the soldiers, forgetting all diseom-foil-cheered him, nnd when he had finished followed him with a rush, and the division encamped on the other side for tho night. A Time For All Tliliijfa. It became the solemn duty of a Tex-as judge to puss sentence on tin aged nimi nmned (ieorgo Bliss for stealing a hog. 'It is a shame that a man of your age should bo giving up his mind to hog stealing. Do you know any rea-son why sentence should not be on you according to law?" "Now, Judge," was the reply of the aged sinner, bliss, "this is getting to bo a trille monotonous. I would like to know how a follow can manage to please you judges. When I waa only seventeen years old I got three yours, and tho judge said I ought to be ashamed of mysolf to be stealing at my age. When I waa forty I got five years, nnd that judge said it was a shame that man in his very best years should steal. And now, when I am seventy years of ago, here you come and chew over the same old story. Now, I would like to know what year of a mnn's life is tho best one, according to your no-tion, to begin a crime of life." Tho judge told Bliss that if ho wanted legal advice he had better consult with some lawyer, and then passed the usual sentence of live years. Sittings. managing a Fractloua florae. 'When a horse stops and proposes to turn around," says a trainer, "dont re-sist the turn, but give him a quiet, horizontal turn so as to turn him fur-ther around than he intended to go, and, if possible, keep him going around half a dozen times. In most cases this will upset his calculations, and he will go quietly on without much ado. If six turns will not do irive him twenty. In fact, if ho will keep on turning to your rein, you are sure to conquer, as enough tnrning will confuse him and leave him nt your command. If he will not turn and backs to the rein, keep him going backward in the direc-tion you want him to go. IIo will soon get tired of that and prefer to go with tho right end forward, but before you let him give him decidedly more back-ing than he likes. The Tramp' Hat Dodge. "Yep," said fink Whiskers, the tramp, "I wisht had a many dollars as it is easy to git hats. You see, a gang uv us will hiy down in tho weeds alougsido uv the railroad a little way from the water tank. Jest as n pas-senger train is about to start off, after the engine is through takin' water, we jump up un' holler, Howdy, Kernel.' Then all the men in the cars stick their heads out uv the winders, and we grab their hats and slide. Uv course this is in the south. In the West we say 'Jedge,' an' in the East Tcrfesser.V Anywhere elso we sing out: "Howdy, Mr. Smith?" Kentucky State Journal. Away Ahead of Noah's Ark. A dispute once arose between two Scotchmen, named Campbell and Mc- Lean, upon the antiquity of their families. The latter would not allow that tho Campbells had any right to rank with the McLeans in antiquity, who, he insisted, were in existence a a clan since tho beginning of the world. Campbell had a little more biblical knowledge than his antagonist and asked of the clan McLean before the flood. "Flood! what flood?" asked McLean. "Why tho flood that drowned all the world but Noah and his family, and returned Campbell. 'Tooh! you and jour flood," paid McLean, clan was before thai flood of course." 'I have not read in my Bible," said Campbell, "of nny ono of the name ol McLean going into Noah's ark." Noah's ark!" angrily exclaimed McLean "who ever heard of a McLear that hadn't a boat of his own?" Ilia llllioMt Ambition. Visitor: "Are you going to bo a great man when you grow up, Willie?" Willie: "You bet? I'm going to be an Arctic explorer." "An Arctic explorer's lifo is full of hardships, Willie." "Yes'm. But I can stand 'em, I reckon." "I like your spirit, my boy. There is a great deal of glory to be gained in a career of that kind." "Yes'm. And you don't have to wash your face. lie Proved It. A Providence grocer wagered that he could charge up a gallon cf molas-ses to twenty different customers who traded on credit with him, and at least eighteen out of the lot would pay with-out question. He did even bettor than he hoped to, as nineteen out of the twenty paid, and the other said he'd seo his wife first and ask if it wasn't an error. 11 |