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Show Modern Medicine. First they pumped him full of virus from some mediocre cow, Lest the small-pox might assail him and leave pitmarks on his brow; Then ono day a bull-dog bit him he was gunning down at Quogue And they tilled his veins in Paris with an extract of mad-dug; Then he caught tuberculosis, so they took him to Berlin And injected half a gallon of barilla; into him; Well, his friends were all delighted at tho quickness of his cure, Till he caught the typhoid fever and apeedy death was sure ; Then the doctors with some sewage did inoculate a hen, And injected half its gastric juice into his abdomen; But as soon as ho recoverod, as of course he had to do, There came along a rattlesnake and bit his thumb in two; Once again his veins wero opened to receive re-ceive about a gill Of some serpentino solution with tho venom in it still; To prepare him for a voyage in an Asiatic sea, New blood was pumped into him from a lep'rous old Chinee; Soon bis appetite had vanished, and he could not eat at all, So the virus of dyspepsia was injected lu the fall; But his blood was so diluted by tho remedies he'd taken; With the Brown-Sequard elixir, though they tried resuscitation, He never showed u symptom of reviving animation : Yet his doctor still could save him (ho persistently maintains) If he only could inject a little life iuto his veins. 1 - . . E, Frank Listaber la Puck. |