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Show Longest losing streak Olympic kids and then bragging about it? I just wouldn't have felt good about it so I another race. This to breaking my losing streak? is quite a streak I have going. The guy right in front of me hobbled in with my usual Saturday I went to Provo to was in my age division and wheezing, satisfied that inrun the Provo River Half took third in the "Older Than deed I can return next year Dirt Division". He with my losing streak Marathon intact. got a medal. Yup I lost (13.1 miles) and He was an old fat bald guy with a limp because ofhis prosthetic legs and sure enough I was able a cane to defend my losing streak. I and wasnt easy, there were over 1,200 runners behind me who insisted that I win, but on the other hand there were 60 run- ners in front of me. Not only that, but I missed getting a medal by one place. I took fourth in the "Older Than Dirt Division". Do you have any idea how close I came the stupid ambulance drivers that pick up people that have died while racing. They kept trying to throw I I should thought t Besides, I probably could have beaten the guy if I hadnt wasted so much energy on probably pass him when I got near the finish line, after all this was competition; you know "manno el manno". I mean, I had al- me in the ambulance, and I kept having to beat them up so they wouldnt strap me on ready pushed the blind runner into the bushes at mile ten, so I pondered whether I should trip this guy, but, isnt that like beating one of the Special the gurney with an oxygen bottle. "Can you please come with us Mr. Torres, it appears that you are going to die, or have already died, and we cant be THE SAN JUAN RECORD Wednesday, August 14, 2002 - Page 17 held responsible...". I wheezed back, "Listen you idiot, I always look like this after running ten miles as hard as I can so leave me alone! Cant you see that I am trying to beat the fat bald guy with a limp, prosthetic legs, and a cane?" My poor Daniel doesnt understand why I would run if I never take first place...at least second or third. But to come in 61st is like "you are such a loser dad" he says this while with his he makes the thumb and index finger. I have tried to explain to him that 1 am really a winner, but 61st place, it just doesnt cut the mustard when you are a hot dog like Daniel who is used to winning lots of things. I ran the race three minutes faster than a couple years ago when me and Bubba ran it. L-si-gn SAN JUAN COUNTY DINING GUIDE OLD TYMER Restaurant : days a week Breakfast Lunch Dinner Banquet room Gift Shop All Prime Rib Chicken Steaks Ribs Mexican Food Soup & Salad Bar 733 S. Main 7 Open Blanding 678-212- 2 you Soup & can eat salad bar includes Chinese Mexican BltnMKg, VtaM Hot Homemade Italian 164 South Main Beer Wine Mixed Drinks Monticello 1 Lie RE01321 7 am - 9:30 pm 120 E Center St. Blanding Call in orders welcome 33 East Central Monticello the mental stability of a person that subjects himself to this kind of punishment. Actually, you probably dont have to wonder at all. I am clearly unstable and without the help ofmedication and food pellets for appropriate behavior in church and family gatherings, I would probably be a menace to society and myself. Fortunately, my too kind and loving wife keeps me on a pretty tight rein and so I only Serving The Four Corners Since 1984 Salads Deli Sandwiches Rotating buffet: St come close a couple of times. But, you have to wonder about ip Fresh 678-36- 587-301- 7 occasionally find myself in trouble. Oh sure, now that I brought up my too kind and loving wife, do you know what she said to me again, just before the race started and she gave me a good luck kiss? Well do ya? I didnt think so. She said, "Remember.. .No Guts No Glory!" 1 mean what kind of mean woman would say that to a guy that had his stomach removed because of cancer? And as I took off she yelled, "Remember, I love you and 70 PATIO DRIVE-I- N irtspectacular MonumentValle A Taste of the West swortti.thejrip. Great Food Friendly Service Experience our great food and excellent service & a fantastic-vie- Monday-Saturda- Gift Shop estem State Liquor license RE1029 380 South Main Monticello Orders Welcome Breakfast Lunch Dinner Art Breakfast Lunch Dinner Steaks Buffalo Burgers Seafood Beer, Wine & Mixed Drinks y Call-I- n Cowboy Museum Vegetarian Selections Check on our Winter rates OPEN 6:30 aml8:30 pm Espresso www.gouldings.com Heavenly Specials Daily 672-234- 587-329- 9 1 678-217- 7 LINE CAMP STEAKHOUSE INDOOR & Father loves you.. .and did we pay the life insurance premium?" So there you have it.... reporting from Provo with the longest losing streak intact... this is the CaveGuy signing off. Oh, and by the way, just for the Record, my time was 1:25:58 (6:33mile). Historic Loop Bluff gouldmgsgouldings.com your favor. You know I have run for almost 22 years. I average about 1,800 miles a year, which totals about 40,000 miles, which is roughly one and half times around the world. Apparently, I dont have much of a life and certainly no friends. I mean who wants to be a friend to someone that has no known talents, will sell to the newspaper any private conversation or tidbit, is a self cenwhose idea tered know-it-al- l, of fun is going for a 10 mile run on Saturday morning... not many, I can i.ssure you. But I digress, I have run almost 40,000 miles, hundreds of races, twelve marathons and you know I have never actually won a race. I have WflG0M Wranaimas Kttch err : (L That was the year we got blisters on our toes because we were qualifying for the Boston Marathon and so we had to really train hard. Tb give you an idea what it is like to knock off three minutes from your half marathon time, it would be like you finding a $300 mistake in your check book... in D PATIO DINING Los Tachos AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD Open Mon - Sat 11 am-- 9 pm Conch Specials Dally Specialty Sopapillas Homemade Tortillas 11-- 8 MILLS NORTH OF MONTICELLO ON 191 OPEN TUESDAY-SATURDA- 5-- 10 PM m Y 2 tamales Salsa Serving San Juan for over 5 years! 280 East Central Monticello btiwaiiiiEH SERVING FILET, RIBEYE ANDALLTHEFIXINS YOU BRING THE ALCOHOL AND WE WI LL SERVE IT! 587-235- 1 m -- 4 The Caveman at the race. Courtesy photo |