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Show Famous Counselor Gives Five Hints For Good Marriage The future of a marriage is usually settled during the first year, states a noted marriage counselor. Dr. David R. Mace, Executive Director of the American Association Associ-ation of Marriage Counselors, gave this view and five suggestions sug-gestions to aid in marital adjustments adjust-ments in the first year in the current issue of McCall's magazine. maga-zine. His suggestions follow: 1. Be prepared to accept some major changes in your way of living. To go into marriage without with-out being willing to face the discipline of change involved in the process of growing together is a form of cheating like playing a game and refusing to accept the rules. 2. Establish early the patterns you mean to continue. Couples who fail to do so, and then try to change the patterns later, find the process extremely painful. 3. Learn to distinguish the molehills from the mountains. If something bothers you, discuss it. Don't pick on small matters and keep the real reasons for your unhappiness a secret. Deception De-ception breeds resentment; resentment re-sentment hardens into hostility; hostility drives a wedge between the couple. This is the sequence of events in almost every marital mari-tal disaster. 4. Adjust your expectations to attainable reality. Unreasonable ideals often wreck marriages that might have been satisfactory. Recognize your own fallibility and think to yourself: If I have failings, why should I expect him (or her) to be perfect? 5. Seek help if the marriage is becoming rocky. Recently married couples should work at their problems together as long as they are satisfied they are making progress. But when feelings feel-ings of despair and helplessness set in, contact a minister or a qualified marriage counselor. |
