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Show "V V 'r ' h v i a . X1 - - . V t , SALT FLAT NEWS JANUARY 1971 If ? Of un.dred miles due west 7 0 of Salt Lake City across a panoramic sweep of salt flats lies Wendover, ft home of the SALT FLAT NEWS. One mile south of Wendover lies die Wendover town dump, presided over by a deputy named Floyd Eaton. Residing in a modest establish men constructed of indigenous materials collected from his immediate environs, he is known fondly to the residents of Wendover as Deputy Dump. " In his colorful career, Deputy Dump has been a range detector for a cattlemens association and man of many Darts. Armed with a to prevent felonies in the area of the dump, he points imWi pride to his spotless record since assuming his present position; not a single felony nos occurred " errory a record unsurpassed by few lawmen in any part of the nation, exceeding even J, Edgar THE CUDDLE CLASS SNAKE tah-Neva- sixty-five-year-o- ld By R. N. Goldberger Near the jagged shadows of an event which has the blessings of not only her mother and family but the whole neighbor hood. Prior to Jake, Connie had a pet skunk who answered to the name of Chanel. Chanel is no longer with Connie, since he interfered with her sleep. He kept trying to pull the covers off my bed sll the time. Jake is better about things and goes to sleep coiled in her lap when Connie watches television. Maury is no stranger to snakes and used to hunt rattlesnakes. His reputation as the Tarzan of the East Bench stopped at his mothers door when he took home some of his treasures. .Today Maury teaches skiing while Connie is employed by the state department of highways. Connie took Jake to work one day, and to some employees St. Patricks Day came early as the office took on a green hue. While Jake played in the deep shag pile of the living room rug, Maury thoughtfully reminded one to take notice of Jakes caterpillar action. Its hard not to take leave of Jake; this reporter carefully noted his every move right up to the toe of his boot. He likes you, sweetly implied Connie as a gentle hiss emitted from her slinky friend. What do snakes eat? According to Connie, a hamster every two weeks. Its funny you place a hamster in his cage and the hamster steps all over Jake and kicks sand in his face. But wait until the early morning hours and then the hamster is squeezed dry and eaten. Connie went on to describe, as this reporter was slinking out the door, how the lump in Jakes belly stayed on for days. The future for Connie and .Maury looks rosey. A pet in every pot and a nice home in the woods. By the zoo, Connies mother chortled, as the door closed on another chapter in The Normal American. The East Bench lives the Schmittroth family. Judging from outward appearances, the Schmittroths conform nicely to the prevailing code of the neighborhood, which happens to W be the Code of the Joneses. People dont come over as yonsibilities, Floyd uses his spare time: writing a novel as they used to, Commuch lly into his experiences of the past. The SALT FLAT plained Mrs. Schmittroth as she Queen of Blood. By cornering Wendovers leading ... o r in a sunlit comer of her living sat ' ,w Jac only one), the NEWS has achieved a publishing coup ranking with the New room, contemplating an afgan TIMES publication of the William Manchester book on the Kennedy assassination or the current she was knitting. Rags, the publication of the Khruschev memoirs in LIFE. family dog, slept under the white Dont fail to follow this gripping tale of adventure and suspense in each issue of the SALT FLAT flocked Christmas tree, while her NEWS. son Troy played with an open book. Can you make it ok? Mrs. Schmittroth queried as her nineteen year old daughter Connie Nino de Puma, seasoned crime buster and commander-in-chie- f I hopped up on crutches and headed off in the direction of the Chichudkua City branch of the Desert and Mountain Police, of the kitchen. A ski accident, Incorporated, has been called to Mexico City by Phil Wilmette on Mrs. Schmittroth quickly added, business of an urgent and secretive nature. Wilmette, whose Broken to alleviate any sign of pity that Diamond Ranch has been plagued in the past by outlaw rustlers, may have been generated. greets El Puma at the airstrip. As we rejoin the story, El Puma Connie returned and smiled eagerly awaits briefing on his latest assignment, while author Floyd at Maury, her finace, sitting Eaton sits at his writing table, earnestly quietly across from her mother, humming away on the second exciting installment of Queen of Blood. and held up! her friend Jake, the friendly pet. Jake the friendly is a boa constrictor, a baby, pet 2 Chapter but still a snake. It takes a rare person to appreciate childhood Phil and I retired to his den. Polishing a saddle with the seat in snakes, as public relations He got right down to the business of your jeans somewhere. El have never been on the snakes at hand. Puma, 1 guess youve got all the This side. has something to do El Puma, he said, I just women in Chihuahua mooning a bad with apple in the time of like you had in Durango and couldnt' give this to you over is another story but that Adam, the phone. There might be a every other place youve been. itself. in listening post along the way. . Thats why I picked you for Jake No Shoulders, the boas this case. It was tailored esAnyway, I wanted you to read name, was obtained as a proper and study this case. pecially for you. venture between Connie joint Phil handed me a photo. I just cant see, said I, Why and her fiance last May from Take a look at this and tell Diaz is so interested in her. Western Garden Center, the me what you think. Hell, there' are plenty more snake neighborhood shop. They I took one look and let out bloodthirsty than her and still keep a snake in stock at all an exclamation. at large. He doesnt seem to times, said Connies fiance Dios mio! Thats one helluva care whether theyre caught. Maury. Mr. Pendleton furthered beautiful woman. Who is she? 'Just take the Mano de Neigo for Jake's biography by stating that And where can I find heir? instance. Hed killed nearly 115 someone once tried to kill him. Youll find out who she is before I brought him in. And Connie held Jake aloft to show when you read this dossier, then in a few more years hell be his off scar, though no one was Ill tell you approximately where free. moved to a closer look. take to look for her if you still Well, for one reason, Diaz is Connie and Maury plan to want to find her. Ill tell you this afraid shes getting ready to in married near future, the get much. President Diaz would like start an uprising. In every case much to have her behind shes taken rifles, pistols, and very bars for safe keeping. light machine guns. Hes placed I know a nicer and more a hundred thousand pesos on her comfortable place Id like to put head. her, I said. Wow, muy mucho dinero! Phil said, I know He personally asked me to Yes, like You that. youd put men on her trail and bring might gel the chance, but you might also her in on the double. get a knife in the back. It would be a shame, said He handed me the dossier. have to kill such a bundle To I, Name: Dorotea Margarita de ' of loveliness. la Vargas "El Puma, Phil said, This BEST DRESSED . . . MAN . . . Hometown: Campeche is another reason I called you GENE JONES. THE TALK WAS HE PICKED UP for this case. I know you ON WHERE Height: 5 2 SHIRT-COL- OR THAT ELECwouldnt hesitate to kill if it TRIC PURPLE Weight: 105 OR AND Hair color: B right red, possibly couldnt be avoided. Youre the ELECTRIC PRUNE .. . dyed. only investigator Ive got that has shot a woman before. BEST DRESSED . . . WOMAN Eye color: Blue 25 . . . PATRICIA JULIAN. SPIFFY Referring to Yanque Rose, Age: Sex: Female I said, Phil, I never was too IS A SIX LETTER WORD. Nationality: Spanish proud of that. But when she MRS. ANNA SMITH' IVE Remarks: Came to city at the killed that little girl, USED THE SAME RIBBON ewe of 14 on a two-yescholarit was time for somebody to TEN YEARS. ship, result of winning a local stop that wild rifle. Anyway, I gave her the opportunity to lay RECEIVED A CRYSTAL AND beauty contest. Afterward became private secretary to that rifle down and surrender. STERLING SERVER OR WAS Morales. Was a What answer did I get? I got my 'IT A CANDELABRA OR WAS hat lifted with a slug. Well, just IT STERLING AND CRYSTAL? figure around clubs on die arms of capital officials. Was where can I find this curious WAS IT A SERVER OR A CANDELABRA? a known devoted member of the ONLY HER little Kewpie Doll? EMPLOYEES KNOW FOR left wingers. I received information last SURE. Crimes: At the age of 20 El a from Puma, night, years, stabbed to death the amigo of yours. She and her WHO IS WENDOVERS ANcommanding chief of military gang are staying in the mountains SWER TO JOHNNIE CASH? . . . affairs; six montht later raided south of Buena Ventura, next DUTCH HEISELT . . . WHOSE an army outpost at Tlaxcala, to the Blue Lake. HE? . . . WHO WAS JOHNNIE killing and decapitating all six Phil, just tell me how she CASH TEN YEARS AGO. . . members present; one year later gets in there. Theres only two DID YOU KNOW THE CHEERS struck post at Juan Aldama ways in or. out plane by DUTCH RECEIVED WERE killing and decapitating ten solequipped to land on water or by HEARD IN TWO STATES. diers; seven months later struck horseback. Thats a rugged and and repeated same act for twenty-on- e remote country around the west men at Huajuapan. In all side of the lake. I know from' PAUL MACONI RECEIVED AN INTERESTING LAMP IN THE cases left this sign: Dias, your experience. Ive been there beNEWS Photo by R. Goldberger SHAPE A BOY . . . TO time is drawing near. Your fore. And those open v plains MATCH OF. ONE HE ALREADY Ah! Behold the coils of love. between Buena Ventura and the HAS . . . YOU GUESSED IT IN darling, D. M. de la Vargas. Hie dossier read on for five mountains are deceiving from THE SHAPE THE DRINKS COMING TILL OF A GIRL. FANthe air. They look flat but TASTIC ... years and a hundred such crimes. MERRY XMAS TO BILL ALDSPELLED OFF BY JIMMY Wow! I exclaimed, She really theyre cut up by thouRIDGE . . . AND HIS FAMOUS SMITH. LARRY REEDER IS sure craves the sight' of blood. sands of little sand .hills, grease-woo- d MRS. LACEY. YOU DID IT A PiGS . . . AND WHO FELT BEST REGULAR BARTENDER AGAIN . . . MERRY XMAS. bushes and deep washes. NEXT MORNING . . .? By the way, where was I when FOR THE STATELINE'. . . she was dating so freely? Thats more know-hofrom LARRY REEDER YOURE A JIMMY SMITH . . . ASSISTANT MRS. (MARY LEW) LEO- -I Phil "You were, retorted, experience. If Im not able to GOOD MAN . . . LARRY KEPT MANAGER STATELINE . . . DONT DRINK . . . , six-shoot- er . . SECOND OF A SERIES -- . - -- ... - Ffafs TIE-COL- I six-year-o- ld ar Vice-Preside- nt well-know- n so-call- ed ... w J A |